fairlane’s Sunday Morning Sermon
This goes out to our Good Friend Randal who spends far too much time analyzing his poetry.
You’re an excellent writer dude, face it, accept it, live with it, and quit acting like a Fucking Candy Ass.
An Ode to Odor
Like Rose stems with thorns
Your legs are too hairy
and
Your breath in the morning
Is downright Fucking Scary
An Ode to My Commode
What is that growing on your Innards I see?
I know it’s not Dookie, and I know it’s not Pee
Oh what, oh what, oh what can it Be?
For Those with a Relative Living in an Institution
I know your heart aches for your brother who’s Nuts
When you see him locked up, it tears out your Guts
But please don’t Forget, whatever you Do
Mental Illness is Genetic, so, Thank God it’s not You
For My Neighbor
Stop watching my daughter, and I through your Window
You Creepy Fucking Freak!
Ode for a Chimpy
Oh you Suck, Yes, You Suck
You Suck, Suck, Suck, Suck
Whenever I see You, I scream out in Horror,
“Fuck, Fuck, Fuck…
FUCK!!”
You’re the Worst
Yes, the Worst
The Worst that we’ve Seen
If Wingnuts are the Sneetches, then you Sir are Sylvester Mc Monkey Mc Chimpy Mc Bean
A Poem for the Downtrodden
So you lost your job, and you have Gonorrhea
And the Food Poisoning from the Egg Salad gave you serious Diarrhea
Your friends all Bailed, and your Wife doesn’t care
You gained 50 pounds, and you lost all your Hair
Your kids think you’re a Loser, and your mom thinks so too
And You don’t know where to go, You don’t know what to do
Your car was repossessed, and your house is in Foreclosure
And you feel like you were run down by a Big Old Bulldozer
Just remember my friend, things can always get worse
Instead of a Bulldozer, it could be a Hearse
My book of Poetry will be on Shelves March 39, 2078.
Thank you for your patience.
Adieu
* Looks like I may not be going to Hell after all. A Religious Spam Blog linked to this post:)
silentdevotion.net/fairlane%E2%80%99s-sunday-morning-sermon
Freida Bee says- This shit smells good!
Put it on Amazon. I’ll pay up to 894 Thneeds.
Fairlane – you are a little ray of sunshine in a gray world today.
I think it was Robert Frost who once said, “Who left this shit in my typewriter?”
Regards,
Tengrain
O’ fairlane’s sermons
Delivered in verse
For a book of such poetry
I will open my purse
fairlane….
i did my own little marketing sermon to Odor today……
great minds DO think alike
no Sunday ambition to sit in a pew
having read this fine sermon
chanelling Seuss as you do.
Muahahahaha, and you even avoided iambic pentameter. For the record, I AM a Fucking Candy Ass, motherfucker, that much is evident. If I may steal Herbert’s line “holy moly, it must be my birthday.”
I’m still wondering what’s growing on your innards.
Freida- I’ll see your 894 Thneeds, and raise you three North-Going Zax, and one Oliver Boliver Butt.
Ten- Ever since I was touched by the Care Bears (That sounded creepy), I feel it is my duty to bring Rainbowlicious Yumminess to the world.
Scarlet- Either you and I would have one of those romances they make movies about or we’d end up driving one another insane.
If you’re not me, and vice versa, than I don’t know me.
And I’m pretty sure I do.
DCap- I’m on my way to check it out.
Susan- I don’t usually care for poetry, unless it’s silly or Bukowski, but I must say that was excellent.
Isn’t it a shame Bukowski became such a trendy wretch?
Fucking college kids.
Randal- You’re welcome. Now, toughen up Momma’s boy.
DCup- Whatever it is, it’s impervious to every cleaner known to man, and woman.
I think it’s Calcium Carbonate mixed with Titanium.
I hate to sound like a broken record, but exactly how many vacation days a year do you get?
Well. This is quite a tribute to RG.
fairlane, your poetry is terrifically wretched. It kind of makes me want to throw up, yet amuses me at the same time. In case you don’t know this yet, here’s a fun fact. Laughing and puking? They don’t go together very well.
Aaaaah…Pouratree…el mejor!
My only regret is why it took me so long to respond to this… this was too fucking funny.