FAA Lifts Ban On Cigarette Lighters; Add New Items to Banned List

The FAA lifted the two year ban on Cigarette Lighters on all flights. The rule change will go into effect on August 4.

However, several new items were added to the “banned” list as concerns over possible terrorist attacks linger in the backs of all our minds.

FAA spokesman Ron Glans said, “We have to keep people safe, that is our first concern. We believe banning these items will make passengers feel a little more at ease.”

The new list includes:

Rubber Erasers (Except aquamarine)


Liver Cheese


Photos of Al Jolson in Blackface


Cock Rings


Zwieback Toast


And,


Life size wax statues of Dom DeLuise


When asked why the ban on lighters was being lifted, Mr. Glans said, “In the unfortunate event that a plane should happen to lose power, we want people to have the ability to see the terrified, screaming faces of their fellow passengers as the plane falls from the sky like an anvil.”

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~ by fairlane on July 22, 2007.

11 Responses to “FAA Lifts Ban On Cigarette Lighters; Add New Items to Banned List”

  1. I’ve banned flying unless it’s over 1,000 miles. Those goofy fuckers are just too much to handle.

  2. Damn! I was planning on writing my acceptance speech on the plan to the Dom Delouise Diet and Sex Festival.

    Regards,

    Tengrain

  3. Damn, I never go anywhere without my Zwieback Toast! ; (

  4. Coffee- Good to hear from you. That zwieback is a tasty treat is it not?

    Ten- Poor, poor Dom, even in death he can’t catch a break or his breath.

    Dan- I can’t stand flying as it is, but honestly it’s not as bad (The searches etc) as some other countries. But the way Americans overreact is sure fun to watch.

    What really sucks is I love to wear rubber erasers on my fingertips whenever I go out.

  5. Recently, I heard that someone suggested it would be easier for folks if they issued mini-Maglites to passengers when they board. Everyone was quite enthusiastic about this idea, until it was realized that batteries are on the list of banned materials, hence the lifting of the “lighter ban.” However, all actions connected with the use of cigarette lighters that DON’T involve observing passengers during their final moments of life will be prohibited.

  6. If you’d add an “extra” zero for me on my previous, I’d be ever so grateful.:) I LOVE flying – it’s the hassle of being so damn safe I’m tired of.

    Where’d you find the “fuck” counter, and how does it work? I’m thinking I may need one of those…just in case, you understand.

  7. not only are you a funny person, but you have attracted some other funny people. glad to see somebody still knows how to lighten up:)

  8. What if I wore the erasers instead of cock rings?

    I was trying to come up with a Tolkein’s Lord of the Cock Rings joke, but nothing doing. That’s all I’ve got.

    HJ

  9. ROFL, how about chia pets? Can we bring chia pets?

    The scientifically impossible I do right away
    The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

  10. Cock ringies are out, but dick chainies are ok.

  11. LMAO…

    I am going to have to stop clicking on links and finding blogs. 🙂

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