Jonestown’s Extreme Home Makeover: Ty Pennington Found Naked and Passed Out in Basement

fairlane127.jpg

Jonestown, in case you missed it, is going through a few changes. We’re not finished just yet, but we’re getting close. (I.N.S. raided our Facility yesterday and we lost over half our workforce. “Illegal Aliens? What? Are you sure about that?” The irony is the Chief Agent was Mexican. So much for “Brotherly Love”).

I’m definitely digging their work thus far. This is our fourth theme in three months, but I think we finally found one that won’t fuck with my ADD. The colors are darker, and it has defined Borders. (Speaking of Borders). I like Borders, except the ones invented by people who divide sections of land pretending they “own” them. (I’m fairly certain that rock is older than you dick weed, and long after you’re gone it will still be sitting there). I digress.

I like the Border because it helps me focus. The previous theme had the cool Header deal, but the rest of it was wide open, and I could never figure out where to focus my eyes. (People with ADD have difficulty prioritizing sensory information. I freak out in wide open spaces because I have no idea where to focus my attention. Side note; If you have ADD, do not, and I repeat do not, ever go to Wyoming. That place will warp your fucking mind. Not to mention the entire state is fucking deserted).

We also changed the way we write “Jonestown.” That’s the fifth time we’ve changed that:

1. JonesTown
2. Jones Town
3. JONES TOWN
4. Jonestown
5. JONESTOWN

We’re nothing if not consistent.

And the Kandinsky’s? Shit, I love me some Wassily. Genius with color.

Bella loves the new header. She thinks it’s so cool her “Barbies” are on my “puter.” Thank God she can’t read yet or her mother would be turning me into C.P.S.

A few loose ends remain untied, but that will be taken care of in the next few days. First, we have to get an Attorney for our work crew.

“Illegal Aliens” indeed.

I wonder what Crazy Horse would have to say about that?

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~ by fairlane on August 1, 2007.

8 Responses to “Jonestown’s Extreme Home Makeover: Ty Pennington Found Naked and Passed Out in Basement”

  1. Liking your new look!

    If he said it once, he probably said it a million times:

    “I was hostile to the white man…We preferred hunting to a life of idleness on our reservations. At times we did not get enough to eat and we were not
    allowed to hunt. All we wanted was peace and to be let alone. Soldiers came…in the winter. and destroyed our villages. Then Long Hair (Custer) came…They said we massacred him, but he would have done the same to us. Our first impulse was to escape…but we were so hemmed in we had to fight. After that I lived in peace, but the government would not let me alone. I
    was not allowed to remain quiet. I was tired of fighting…They tried to confine me..and a soldier ran his bayonet into me. I have spoken.” Crazy Horse

    Sound familiar?????? Cheers!

  2. “I did not know then how much was ended. When I look back now from this high hill of my old age, I can still see the butchered women and children lying heaped and scattered all along the crooked gulch as plain as when I saw them with eyes still young. And I can see that something else died there in the bloody mud, and was buried in the blizzard. A people’s dream died there. It was a beautiful dream…the nation’s hoop is broken and scattered. There is no center any longer, and the sacred tree is dead.”

    Black Elk (Witness to the Massacre at Wounded Knee)

  3. I, too, like the new look – but I miss the Jerry Bears!

  4. I’m new here. Where the fuck is Jonestown exactly?

    Never mind, I don’t want to know.

  5. Phy- Those things were “Jerry Bears?” Son of a bitch!

    Mighty- No worries. I got this Blog from some Spam Bot. It gave me the password and here am I.

    I haven’t a fucking clue where Jonestown is.

  6. I was at a festival last weekend and there was a booth selling black power and indian power tshirts. One of them had a photo of mount rushmore except the faces were replaced by sitting bull, geronimo, chief joseph, and I can’t remember the other one. The caption said “The real founding fathers.” I wish I could remember the other ones.

    This whole issue of the mexicans being here “first” is quite selective memory don’t you think? History is written by the victors I guess. Or at least as much history as they want to admit anyway.

  7. B- have you ever seen the tribute to Crazy Horse? It’s gigantic, I think it’s in Montana, but I can’t remember for sure. I have a picture.

    Anyway, it’s a white dude building it, and it is fucking immense, and the Sioux are not happy. They say that Crazy Horse would never want such a monstrosity made in his honor, but the guy sees $$$$ and so he doesn’t listen.

    Last I heard construction stalled out, but you live in that general vicinity. You know anything about it?

    On the topic of Mexicans, I was recently talking with some wingnut about the Mexicans and asked, “You don’t think Mexicans are native Spanish speakers do you?” He was flabbergasted, never thought about the “Mexicans” really being a race of raped people.

  8. Change. Change is bad.

    That’s no reflection on you. I’m just not ready for any new stuff in my life right now.

    Except for the Twins moving into the lead in the AL Central. That I can accept.

    Congratulations on your innovations–From a Luddite.

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