In A Related Story…Jonestown Converts To Mormonism

England is possibly in the throes of yet another outbreak of Foot and Mouth Disease, and countries all over the world are racing to set up precautions.

So far three cases of Foot and Mouth have been detected, and approximately 120 Cows were put down.

In 2001, England was forced to slaughter millions of animals who were potentially infected with the highly contagious Foot and Mouth virus, and the entire country is in a panic because the epidemic put a 16 billion dollar dent in Britain’s Economy. (Foot and Mouth causes blisters in the mouth and on the feet of animals. Most animals recover, but some die due to inflammation of the heart muscle. Fans of President Cheney need not worry, as his heart is actually made of discarded chicken bones, wire and sock lint).


The irony is that it appears the Foot and Mouth virus came from Pirbright, which is an animal vaccine research facility. What’s not ironic is that Pirbright shares their facility with a company owned by Merck.

Fucking meat eaters. If it’s not Foot and Mouth, it’s salmonella or Dom Deluise.

In a related story, no word on the outbreak of HIAS plaguing Middle America for almost 25 years now.

Despite the fact that a vaccine against HIAS (Also known as “Head In Ass Syndrome”) was created thousands of years ago (Reading), it appears that HIAS is actually spreading, and could possibly overrun the Country within the next decade or so.

When Democrats were told of the pending threat, and possible disintegration of our country as we know it, their official spokesman, Stooly Mc Sellout, issued the following statement, “What do you want us to do?”


~ by fairlane on August 7, 2007.

6 Responses to “In A Related Story…Jonestown Converts To Mormonism”

  1. Short and to the point, and nothing to refute.

    The Dems Sell Out (nicely done!). ; )

  2. I don’t want to live in Redneckistan! Waaaa!

  3. Where I come from we call what your map refers to as “redneckistan,” STUPIDFUCKISTAN. This ties in with the ongoing outbreaks there of HAIS you wrote about…

    The scientifically impossible I do right away
    The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

  4. Well, I live in Arizona but I am no redneck! I am from the Northwest…


  5. Shit, I have you beat Suzie. I live in Louisville. Our Mayor wears a straw hat and rides around in a Hay Wagon.

    Our state bird is the Middle Finger, and our state flag has a picture of a Still on it.

  6. Look honey! This one’s eating my popcorn!

    Personally, I think he whole Redneckistan concept is a good thing, Fairlane: If gives those of us who live here another reason to feel sorry for ourselves, blame the government, our parents, our teachers, or whoever the hell happens to be in the immediate vicinity for all our problems. Simultaneously, we can feel superior in every way to our fellow human beings no matter how stupid, inane, and sociopathic they are. Ya know it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I think I’ll go watch Springer now. It helps the popcorn go down easier. After that, it’s a double dose of Wapner and Dancing With The Stars. Don’t look so surprised; I’ve gotta do something while I’m waiting for my check to come in the mail. Life is good. More Big Red anyone???

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