What If You’re a “Reverse Racist” and It’s “Opposite Day”?

fairlane127.jpgI figured since Don Imus was in the news again rehashing this story may be appropriate. I warn you it isn’t pretty, and if you have any children please ask them to cover their ears.


Over the last month or so I’ve heard a number of complaints about “Reverse Racism”. I’ll admit this idea confused me at first. “Reverse Racism?” Is that anything like “Opposite Day?” If a person is a “Reverse Racist” does that mean he/she hates their own race, or does it mean they love the race they should actually hate or…?

I’m sure you can understand my confusion. And then a friend of mine explained it to me by recounting an incident that happened to him several weeks ago.

(I’m not including all the details because they are simply too heinous, but most of it is here)

“The other day my daughter and I were in an ice cream parlor trying to get well, some ice cream of course. We approached the counter and there was an Asian man waiting there to place his order. The “Ice Cream American” was in the back doing Lord knows what, but I’m sure it had nothing to do with Ice Cream. Probably doing drugs, you know how those “Ice Cream Americans” are. (Wink, Wink, Nod, Nod).”

“So, after waiting what had to have been 45-50 seconds I was ready to bloody explode. “Hey, do your Freemason on your own time lady!” I hollered. “Some of my ancestors didn’t come here and steal this land from some of my other ancestors so I could wait at a bloody counter all friggin’ day.” See, I impressed her with my knowledge of History, letting her know I’m no one to trifle with. That’s how you have to treat these people. And my daughter? Well, you can imagine how proud she was of her Papa.”


“Finally she comes out from the back, and before I can speak she asks, “Who’s next?” At first, I wasn’t sure if I heard her right or not. And then she said it again, “Who’s next?” And you know what happened? That’s right, that “Asian American” said, “I am.” And she waited on him. Yeah, I knew what was up. Sticking it to Whitey is what was up.”

“I’m sure you know where this is going, and oh let me tell you it did. After I got myself a double dip of Superman ice cream and my daughter a Hot Fudge Sundae, I stormed out mumbling under my breath until I reached the safety of my car. Hey, one can’t be too careful these days. Those “Ice Cream Americans” carry guns, and almost all of them are in gangs from what I heard on Rush Limbaugh’s show. And he should know, he buys his drugs from them. But buddy once I was in my car, I let her RIP, with a Capital “IP”.

“Unfortunately, the only result was that for the next week or so my daughter kept getting in trouble at daycare for cursing.”

Once he was finished I was flabbergasted. “Can you believe something like that would happen in this country?” he asked. I couldn’t even respond. I was truly shaken, and I just thanked God he and his daughter got out alive. Until he told me that story I never knew the horrors of “Reverse Racism,” but after hearing his terrifying tale I’ll never be the same.

I started thinking back on my life and all those times I waited in line behind Black Women, or Middle Eastern Men at the grocery store, and now I know exactly how Rosa Parks felt. “Damn you, you Racist Bastards! We Shall Overcome! You’ll Never Put Me at the Back of the Line Again!”

But it doesn’t end there.

Now that my eyes have finally opened to the Horrors of “Reverse Racism”, I see it everywhere. White people walking instead of having their own cars. My Brothers and Sisters, At Busstops?! White people being forced to serve people in restaurants while wearing a black tie and white shirt. Why not a white tie? Why does it have to be “BLACK?” We all know why. And just yesterday I saw the most terrible thing ever. A bunch of “African Americans” got out of a limo, apparently it was prom or something, and guess what? That’s right, the driver was half-white. He didn’t have to say a word. I knew which half of him was being forced to do the driving.

Yeah, I’m hip to the game now. My eyes are wide frig-gin’ open. So, all you “Reverse Racists” out there better watch out. You just keep right on burning your “Irish, German, French, Cherokee, Spanish, Scotch, Welsh, English” flags. Oh yeah, it hurts because I’m like “this” with my Homeland…Homelands…

I could probably find at least two of those countries on a map. I think I could at least. You know what I mean, Reversey? Yeah, I said it. What are you gonna do?


You can’t hurt my people anymore than you already have. We’ve been through the wringer and we’re still here, and we’re not going anywhere because we’ve pretty much invaded every country on the face of the earth.

Better us than you!

Well, that’s about it for now. I have to go cook dinner. My one quarter Costa Rican maid quit yesterday. Said she “got a better job picking apples.” I bet she did. Probably an apple picking job a White Person used to have.


~ by fairlane on August 21, 2007.

13 Responses to “What If You’re a “Reverse Racist” and It’s “Opposite Day”?”

  1. My generation is still trying to work on the regular racism thing–not ready to make “reverse racism” into a funny. Sorry.

  2. I understand what you’re saying.

    I will say my point of using humor is to show how ridiculous the very idea of “Reverse Racism” is. Language, like so much else, is losing its meaning and power. A “Double Standard” is not “Racism”.

    I just read a post a few days ago that referred to a situation where a Christian man was “forced” to watch an “objectionable” movie, as “Persecution”.

    When I think of that word, I think of Jews being loaded into cattle cars, not some guy having to sit on a bus while a rated “R” movie plays in the background.

    Anway, thanks for commenting.

  3. Hilarious post!!
    A “Double Standard” is not “Racism”.
    Of course not – unless those two standards are set, one for one race, and one for another. Then it’s a whole new pail of apples. We might as well be back at “the ole vinegar swiped counter top only where the black lady is sitting” coffee stop.

    And have a butterscotch cone next time – you can’t go wrong!:)

  4. Okay, now I’m really confused. Not that it takes a lot to do that to me these days.

  5. It’s satire PoP.

    After Imus was fired, the Little Green Footballs came out to claim it was “Reverse Racism,” which ranks right up there with the most ridiculous statements ever uttered by a human being.

    Racism is a systemic, pervasive reality. White people claiming “Reverse Racism” is nonsense. Yes, there are minorities that are prejudice, but they have no real Power. This country is still dominated by whites, and the LGF’s use situations like what happened to Imus to justify real Racism.

    Why are so many Cons opposed to illegal immigrants? Do they really think they’re going to “steal their jobs?” Of course not, there’s the fear that the “White Man” is going “Extinct.”

    Don’t tell me you’ve never heard anyone say that.

    It’s funny, my minority friends got this post, but many whites seemed to not understand it.

  6. Well see, I have never understood racism to begin with. I can’t see why anyone thinks themselves better than anyone who is not exactly like them. I don’t even see what they try to base that on. I know there is racism, but I just don’t see how people justify it’s existence. So if my hair is blonde and yours isn’t can I consider myself better than you? Of course not. If I’m 5’9″ and you’re six foot tall does make you better than me? Nope. So if your skin is a darker shade then mine, so what? If mine is pinker than yours, so what? If you help an elderly woman cross the street and I just stand and stare at her, does that make you a better person than me? Sure does!

    That’s the way I see things. People are their actions, not their appearances.

    I come from a southern family that preached all the racial shit about other races and I hated what they said. They were god fearing people who had no trouble saying they were superior to everyone else and to hell with anyone who wasn’t a white, god fearing, god loving person.

    That was their way of trying to find something in themselves that gave them some sort of false pride. My father was a drunk and my mother was codependent. We never had any money as my father could never keep a job for more than a few months at a time. But oh yeah, they were better than every other religion or race because god damn it, they were white. They weren’t better than anyone. They were worse than most. I always knew they were wrong, but as a kid, saying so to them wasn’t a good idea, if you know what I mean.

    Whoa, I’ve rattled on for a while here. But maybe you know me a little better now, just as friends should. 🙂

  7. Hittin’ nerves with satire…

    What are you? A George Carlin type? 🙂 J/K, you know.

  8. PoP- I had a grandmother that was very similar. She used to say, “You know how those coloreds are.” And being a kid I’d respond, “I’m colored too.” Because of course my skin has “color.” She’d get pissed, “You know what I mean.” I did, but I liked fucking with her.

    She was also one of those “Holy Roller” Baptists.

    People always find a way to separate/divide, and I think some of it is Evolutionary, as we began as a “Tribal” species. You’d figure by now we’d be beyond it, but I guess not.

    I think we could be, but some people profit from it (Dems and Reps). We’re easier to control if we’re divided.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Chuck- I’ll take that as a compliment.

    One of the pitfalls of writing, as I’m sure you know, is once a word is written its meaning is determined by whomever reads it. There’s no way to explain what you “really” meant or to answer questions. What began as concrete becomes totally subjective.

    Satirists struggle with that when they write. For example, many people thought Jonathon Swift was serious when he wrote “A Modest Proposal.”

    Carlin has the advantage of seeing his audience and he can respond in real time if necessary.

    Like I said, as far as I know the only people who’ve gotten upset by this post are white people. Now obviously I can’t see everyone who reads it or their reaction, and it hasn’t gotten as many comments as I normally get, but I think it’s safe to assume most of my audience is white.

    Not that I prefer it that way because I think everyone should read my blog. In fact, I think it should be read in classrooms.

  9. On forms where listing race is required, I always check ‘other’ and fill in “human”.

    I’m fucking sick of the whole made up “race” thing. It’s part and parcel with the whole Othering that I’m totally not in to.

    Don’t see it changing any time soon, though….

  10. Preach it, fairlane! Reverse racism is running rampant, and it has to stop! Finally, someone is speaking out on this atrocity. Just the other day, I was in Wal-Mart, and I received poor service from an African American! Can you believe it?! The white lady at the register wasn’t any better, but I’m sure she was just having a bad day. You know how those things are. 😛

    For real, though, I hate to hear about you and PoP’s examples of “Christians” who didn’t walk the walk. This has happened throughout the history of the religion, and it is a shame, because it sends the wrong message to others about Christianity. My church (Baptist) is more liberal than others. Our pastor continually focuses on helping the needy in the community and on living the life of a Christian (i.e., not being a poser). You may not be able to tell from some that you know, but we are actually called to be humble, patient, hard-working, kind, good, etc…

    Speaking of which, I also still intend to get on that “Mere Christianity” synopsis. I have been a bit busy lately. Tonight, I’m coaching a 4- and 5-year-old soccer team! 🙂

  11. The idea of a “reverse racism” is just silly. It doesn’t matter which direction it’s moving; if it’s racism, it’s racism. Besides, it’s the intolerance and acting on racist beliefs that are the problem. Like you noted, Fairlane, it’s a real problem if you have the power to promote it.

  12. Jeeze! I leave you alone for a day, and look at the shit storm you stir up!:P

    No matter if most of your readers are purple, your satire and wit is so dry, and your one liners so frequent, That sometimes it’s hard to keep up with you. I got your post, but then I was the only white guy in the shop (auto shop, Mich) that saw a black guy with a shirt on that said “NWA” across the front, and didn’t ask what that meant. Instead, when I saw him again, I said “You ain’t the only F****** one!” LOL! He was so impressed he took me to the bar and we got shitfaced!:)

    “Reverse Racism”/Reverse Discrimination comes from the MSM, who were terrified at the thought of being so politically incorrect as to even suggest a black person might discriminate, too.

  13. 🙂 Definitely a compliment.

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