Jonestown Delivers a Message From Deep Within An Opium Den

fairlane1329.jpgI will be returning to regular posting on Wednesday. (I hope). I still have some work to do on this project, and I apologize for all the videos, but hey, at least it’s not Huey Lewis or worse.(If that’s possible. “Hip to be Square.” What a douche bag).

I hear ass monkey resigned. (By the way, nice mustache there Tom Selleck) What a shame. I guess visiting Iraq emboldened him to finally enlist? After all, those Wingnut men are so big and tough are they not? Wait, that’s the Wingnut women isn’t it? Ever noticed that?

Maybe in a few years Bonzo, Thomas, Condi, and “Moon Bats Over Internment Camps” can form a Token Club.

Get it?

See you later Bonzo you fucking sell out!

Thanks to all the peeps who frequent this Insane Asylum called Jonestown. And to any of my new visitors I know you’re probably wondering what in the fuck does this place have to do with Ty Pennington? Well, I imagine as much as anything else.

ty pennington naked- 6

ty pennington died – 3

Ty Pennington naked- 1

is ty pennington dead- 1

ty pennington nude PHOTO- 1

ty pennington the jones- 1

ty pennington august 26- 1

Ty Pennington died- 1

ty pennington’s death- 1

Apparently some Ty Pennington fans want to see him naked, and others are concerned that he’s dead. And then there’s one person who thinks Ty Pennington is “the Jones.” ??

I shall see you soon with a sparkling fresh pitcher of Cherry Kool-Aid for your thirst quenching pleasure. Until then remember when crossing the street to stop, drop and roll and…You guessed it…



~ by fairlane on August 27, 2007.

15 Responses to “Jonestown Delivers a Message From Deep Within An Opium Den”

  1. ROFL, who the fuck is ty pennington? Can we lobby to make ty (what king of name is ty?) the next AG?

    Hey, fairlane, stop with the paid work will ya? You’re ruining it for the rest of us…

    pennington, sounds like a kind of cake or something.

    The scientifically impossible I do right away
    The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

  2. Clap- I tell you I’m about to fall out because of this “Paid gig,” but the flip side is if I can get paid to write I gotta do it. First, I have to eat shit for a while, and do crap like this project, but it has the potential to pay off.

    The biggest beef I have is this company started this project two months ago, and then with 10 days left they dump 75% of the shit on me. I thought the damn thing was finished.

    Ty Pennington is that buffoon from “Extreme Nanny Makeovers” or whatever that bullshit is called. I put his name in the title of my post when I was changing my theme. Every day since then I get 10-15 hits for “Ty Pennington” doing one thing or another.

    I’d love to know what goes through those people’s minds when they find this place instead of pictures of Ty’s penis.

  3. It’s always good to see the greenbacks coming in. The working world today seems to be throw the last minute stuph at the only person capable of finishing what someone else started, and couldn’t. I’ve been away from the real world workplace for two yrs and cringe at thinking I have to find a way to eek out a real, weekly pay stub……and out here I do mean “stub” for pay! ; (

    Cheers to ya Kool Aid man! ; )

  4. Coffee, I only have myself to blame. I make procrastinators look like those people who are always on time, whatever they might call themselves. “On timers.”

    It’s just really boring.

    I haven’t had a “real job” in over a year. I do all of this from home, which I do like, but working at home can make you procrastinate even more. But it’s better than working in an office with Boss Schmingy drooling all over your desk.

    Cheers to you Coffee dude

  5. Ty Pennnington used to do porn.
    Is it legal to say that?

  6. Wow, I like Huey Lewis and the News…guess I’m still hung up with the music from the pass.

  7. It’s all good Larry. I only mentioned Huey Lewis because my dad and I were talking about him earlier, and I was giving him grief about liking him.

  8. I haven’t seen your contract, so I can’t be sure, but I have to think it didn’t include sampling the wares; it meant write about them. Of course, in this world, that wouldn’t be called escapism, it would be called a brief return to reality.

    Ty WHO?

    You one a dose purple people the preacher always warned me about?:)

  9. Even here in the bay area, Huey is the punchline.

    And I think PETA wants to protect the rug.



  10. i think ty pennington should head their token/tokin’ club. then they should all drink cyanide-spiked brown kool-aid. have a good couple days off.

  11. Between Huey Lewis and Ty Pennington I am screaming with laughter… Since I am at my actual workplace today I better watch out!

    Anyway Ty Fucking Pennington. I was at the Jersey shore recently and he showed up after doing some Extreme jackoff I mean Makeover in Camden.

    You would think Jesus Christ was on the boardwalk. It was crazy. Even the desk clerk at my hotel fled and left the place unattended for a glimpse of Ty.

    Ty Naked? I like me some nice lookin’ men but his attitude is a turnoff. Stay Clothed. I’d rather see a very smart naked but less attractive one.

  12. That “ty pennington the jones” search? Yeah, that was me. I wasn’t thinking that ty is “the jones”, though. That’s just how I search. I put in what I’m looking for, and then I throw some random words in there. I figured “the jones” were just as good as any. That way, my searches are like a box of chocolates, if you know what I mean.

  13. Yes! Yes! Work hard, get paid and then take us all out for a night on the town.

    Mr Pop is working on a contract where the people are doing a similar thing. They wait until the last minute and then say can you get this back to us in the morning. Of course they could have given him the same information three weeks ago.

    Ty, sucks! And not in a good way.

    Alberto felt he had done all the damage he could do to the constitution so he’s going home.

  14. Dave- I’m not sure if anything I say on this blog is “Legal.” So, I wouldn’t worry too much.

    Dan- I have no fucking idea what a “Purple Person” is. But I think I’d definitely date a purple chick. That might be kind of sexy. But it could be freaky waking up next to her in the morning because she’s always look like she was dead.

    On second thought…

    Ten- That Huey. For some reason my father, who generally has good taste in music, likes him. I think it’s because he reminds of him “old rock and roll.”

    Plus, he knows it annoys people.

    raffi- When that show first came on my ex watched it, and sometimes I’d watch with her. I thought, “Eh, what they’re doing is kind of cool.” But after seeing it a couple of times and all those contrived “Emotional, gut wrenching scenes,” I started thinking what a bunch of phony fucks they were. It’s all about them, and what “Good people” they are. Building someone a million dollar home in the fucking Ghetto?. What the fuck? Why not buy them a $300,000 house in a decent neighborhood and give them the rest of the money?

    And all those close-ups of them “crying,” give me a damn break. I lived that shit for years, you don’t cry. Personally, I think that show is racist. A bunch of bourgeois white people crying about how terrible it is for “Darkie.” If they want to do the world a service, how about sending the cameras home and walking around Compton for a few days by themselves?

    Damn that was quite a rant. Sorry, raffi.

    Fran- He’s a wanker, and that mega-phone is overcompensation for tiny pee pee syndrome.

    I guess I’m lucky, I’m a genius and I’m fucking hot. My only problem is I have a mouth.

    reasic- See, I’m thinking you are actually funny.

    That “the jones” thing cracks me up every time I look at it. What the hell does that mean? They should provide the person’s telephone number so you can call them and ask, “Hey man what the fuck? Ty Pennington the jones? What kind of dope are you on?”

    PoP- Maybe Alberto is going to be on “Extreme Wank Jobs” next season?

    Yeah, that last minute stuff is made worse by the fact that I’m a last minute person. At least if they gave me more time I could pretend like I’m working on it every day.

  15. Are you sure you aren’t my husband? He waits until the almost last minute and then drives himself insane getting whatever it is done. I on the other hand will plan in advance and as soon as the chore is announced, I’m on it. We are like fire and ice when it comes to doing chores, but we seem to do okay and laugh when it’s over.

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