Hell, I Don’t Know…

fairlane1329.jpgI can’t think of a fucking thing to write, and it’s really pissing me off. I’ve never been one to suffer from “Writer’s Block.” Never.

But I’m bored with the material.

Wingnuts are assholish, ill-informed, marginally literate, cult like in their loyalty, and they smell funny. Great, who didn’t know?

Liberals are so vanilla they are almost tasteless. They’re like a fart you hold in because you’re surrounded by people, and then finally say, “Fuck it,” let it rip and nothing. No sound, no smell, nothing.

We already know these things. Why repeat them over and fucking over again?

George Bush is a dipshit. Bet you didn’t know that.

Condoleeza Rice, before she entered Politics, tried out to be the new Aunt Jemimah. Who could’ve guessed?

Bush is married to a Zombie, and their children are Imbeciles that make the average Hillbilly seem Sophisticated. Wow, there’s some earth shattering news.

Oh, I know, the war in Iraq is a sham. Bush is telling us things are “Peachy Keen,” but somehow there were more deaths this past month than at this same time last year.

Heard that one too did ya?

Michael Vick fights dogs, and feeds them Spotted Owls for breakfast. What? Old news?

See what I’m saying? (What the fuck does, “See what I’m saying” even mean? No man, actually I can’t. The mushrooms wore off hours ago).

America is boring me. I wonder if that’s my ADD or not? Can ADD cause you to become bored with an entire Country?

Well, in the case of this country, yep. Americans are dull.

Even Sen. Stall’s shenanigans are tiresome. A Republican that’s secretly Queer? Get the fuck out of here, are you serious? No way. Come on.

I can’t even fake it.

Global Warming is a hoax concocted by a Super Secret Cabal, and a handful of Corn Farmers bent on forcing everyone to drive really small cars, and power their homes with Windmills.

Luckily for us, semi-literate, mouth breathers are on the case. Unfortunately, Global Warming isn’t mentioned in the Bible, so we could just as well be Fucked.

America you are really sucking lately. Nothing is funny or exciting. (I just yawned four times).

We need some new controversy, a couple of fresh faced criminals in the mix.

Bush is the lead character in a movie that lasts way too Fucking long. I stopped paying attention after he took his second “Hiatus” from college to find himself.

Fuck that douche bag.

Dick Cheney, there’s someone. Gosh, he’s a meanie ain’t he? His heart is two sizes too small, and his wife (Lynne “Giant Ass Head”) said, “That’s nothing. His cock is about four…” (She was cut off before she could finish, but we get the gist).

Wingnuts have tiny cocks? No shit? Now that’s funny because it reminds me of a similar comment I saw on a Wingnut Blog.

A “Liberal Troll” called out the Right and their over representation in the “My Dick, My Dick, My Kingdom for a Dick” group, and at least 10 Wingnuts responded making sure he/she knew just how Big their Little Dicks are.

HA ha ha ha ahahhahahahahahahah!

This is simply not done. You don’t respond in a comment thread about your penis size or lack thereof. It’s bad etiquette, and it makes people wonder.

See? Boring.

I hope this turns around soon. I have another project to work on this month, and I have a book to finish.

Yeah, right.



~ by fairlane on September 7, 2007.

20 Responses to “Hell, I Don’t Know…”

  1. Weird isn’t it? I deleted a yrs worth of my blog for those same reasons. And I’m not even a writer. I wouldn’t worry about being bored, I mean, to be manipulated and spun for 7 yrs by this administration, not to mention our everyday interactions with same locally, well, it’ll make you wanna holler,throw up both your hands! ; (

    By the by, if you have a chance, email me, if you’d a mind to.

    Cheers from a neighbor up north, and from someone who isn’t sure what makes sense anymore either, and that’s quite depressing, if I do say so meself.

  2. I wouldn’t call it boredom, I guess I would call it weariness which is just different. I am weary of yuppies with their nine to fives talking about revolution and taking back America for the people when nobody is doing anything and the consumption is a huge part of the problem.

    I am tired of people older then me griping that WE suck because they burned bras and cared about their fellow students. I am tired of being told a draft would fix our spoiled “gen-x” asses.

    No, Professor, that would give MORE bodies to the machine. A draft to make us care about war? Thats the stupidest logic I ever heard from the left. How about this? Stop feeding the problem with your credit cards and your lives and your lack of attention.

    I totally hear you that it is tiresome. Bush sucks, blah blah. But in our defense (yeah, they elected me spokeswoman, imagine that) Many of us dont know what to do and our conscience pangs to sit here and do nothing. So we figure we will buy some t shirts from the Mother Jones website and we will become bloggers where we can talk big, but anonymously so nobody has to lose their jobs or anything like that over it.

  3. Not to be inappropriately personal but are you in oregon? Just curious. Looking to round up a posse when I go out there to shoot tin cans and drink beer. Kidding.

  4. Fairlane be honest. you never get writers block you just get constipated. The Bushaloompas is hilarious. Are you American? If you are, america is definitely funny i got quakers oats in my nostrils because of you. By the way, libarals lay silent but deadly farts then take the blame for someone else in the other room.
    Good stuff.
    Later, i got to drink my Kool-Aid

  5. Well, there’s the rest of the blogosphere, and then there’s funny-as-hell Fairlane with his insightful wit. Even if you just write about not being able to write (and you sure had a lot to say about that!), I’ll keep reading.

    No, really, this is great.

  6. Coffee- To be honest, it’s nothing really to do with this Administration or politics. It’s simply life, and its ability to wear your ass down.

    I have this very important unresolved “issue” in my life, and I’m not sure how to resolve it or if I’m ready to resolve it.

    Part of being a writer, at least in my case, is you tend to romanticize and live kind of in a fantasy, which is were your ideas come from, but life is much more black and white at times, and fucking brutal.

    I will definitely e-mail you later today.

    Lynn- The “hippies” let us down. They simply gave up, and became the largest consumer generation in history. The “machine” beat them, and it appears it’s beating us as well.

    I think the draft could potentially be a positive. If people are faced with the reality that their children or even themselves may get sent over there to die for absolutely jack shit, it could bring an end to this war. Bush’s support would completely dry up.

    No, I don’t live in Oregon, but I try to get out West at least once a year. I was just in Northern California not long ago. I love it out there. (But I’m not going to marry it).

    David- I appreciate it. Did you conduct your interview yet?

    Nvisible- Thanks. You say funny, others say “Smart ass.”

    I’m glad you’ll keep reading, but keep writing as well. I enjoy your blog, and like I said, you are funny.

  7. I’m drinking. And drinking some more. And then I’m going to go out and drive around like I did when I was a kid.

    That should take care of the ennui, malaise, whatever.

  8. i don’t think you have to worry too much, fairlane. sometimes “writer’s block” is a great catalyst for doing something different. indeed, the materials dulls. i got my blog moved over to its new domain today, and the first thing i did was put a picture of King George the worst on it. then, i gagged. you’re absolutely correct, this shit be getting old. i can’t wait for a democratic president so i can spend my time snarking on him or her just to pretend like i’m fair and balanced.

    yes we all know i’m really fairly imbalanced. shaddup.

  9. Liberals are so vanilla they are almost tasteless.

    Oh Ya? Sez who? You want taste? Taste THIS Liberal, Bitch!
    Someday my two watt brain and mega watt mouth is gonna get me capped, just as sure as hell. WTF. Long as it’s American Made.

    I don’t know shit about writer’s block cause I ain’t a writer. But I do know a lot about burnout, cause I am one! Take a couple days off, and don’t call me in the morning. I sleep in.

  10. Oh, God, Fairlane, I am self-destructing. Stand back….

  11. If this is writer’s block… You got on a good roll my man. And you never disappoint, in my opinion.

    Now the politicians of all side, maybe except Dennis, disappoint and dismay.

    There is a lot of mundane shit going on- and I think it is part of a surge that is working.

    That surge is called the dumbing down of America.

    It’s not good.

    I am taking your advice, Dcup’s advice.


  12. I get that at times, but I don’t compare myself to you. The words and thoughts will come back before you know it.

  13. I’m bored with ADD. Besides everybody knows ADD is caused by kool aid, or the trilateral commission, or Lassie or chem trails, or watching Lost, or global warming, or by boredom…

    Ummmmmm, I have a glass of the cheery kool aid

    The scientifically impossible I do right away
    The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

  14. D-Cup- Have a drink for me. I have my daughter and I try not to drink when she’s around, and she’s always around,which is good, but…

    Commander- There is definitely something else I should be doing. I have not painted in a year, and my book is sitting stagnant untouched for almost four months.

    Blogging is much easier, faster, and you get instant gratification. I don’t have to get an agent or pray for someone to publish. I just write, and press a button.

    Microwave writing.

    Future- I am burned out.

    Nvisible- I was just at your blog. What the fuck happened? You really did self-destruct, and I can’t comment because my Google account is for business and I use my real name.

    Another- It’s not really “writer’s block.” I can write forever (apparently). I’m simply worn down.

    Larry- I wouldn’t compare myself to me either Larry. I’m fucking nuts.

    I want the words and thoughts to go away, not come back.

    Clapso- I feel you on that. I was bored with ADD 25 years ago, but it never seems to get bored with me. (I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not).

  15. Fairlane –

    I don’t think you are bored, I think you are disappointed. Most cynics are actually idealists that have woken up too late, and found the coffee is all decaf and all Starbucks.

    We were promised something else, Fairlane, and I think we have a right to feel this way, but we don’t think its cool to say that the machine has chewed us up and spat us out, that we somehow went from being special to being the same as everyone else, and so instead of admitting that it got us, too (just like it did our parents and just like it will your kid), we say “I’m so bored of it.” Nice try, though.

    Yeah, I woke up in a suburb, with a mortgage, in a job I hate, too old to reinvent myself, and to young to give up, and to quote Elton John, “opportunity awaits me like a rat in a drain.”

    Am I bitter? You bet. Like an aspirin.



  16. Ten- I really had to think about your comment before I responded. I don’t think that’s it. I’m disappointed for sure, but not because the Machine chewed me up. I’m disappointed because I chewed myself up.

    I made a terrible mistake, and lost someone very dear to me, and for the first time in my life I don’t have anywhere to run. I’m stuck, and it’s driving me insane.

  17. ROFL! I encounter a dry period every so often but then I get in touch with my inner rage; rage at the stupidity of the American people for not storming Washington DC with pitchforks and chains and dragging this president and the congress out onto the streets and hauling them to jail over the Iraq war and domestic wiretaping and then suddenly, my fingers are dancing across the keyboard of my computer once again.

  18. Yo Fairlane – Sorry haven’t been about for a bit – I had writer’s block too. This post did make me laugh!

  19. Christopher- You’re right they are ample reasons to get pissed, but it gets tiresome.

    LE- I missed you, but I completely understand.

    I’m glad to hear you finally found a house. That’s really good news.

  20. fairlane

    does make you wish for some fun things like Clinton’s penis to write about — George and Laura are getting old — the same old shit from the same old shit. but somehow we can make lemonade from those urine-infested douches.

    i know what you mean —- i would rather have a working country and good leaders than a pair of punching bags to make fun of…..

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