Dick Cheney at Last Vindicated. Connection Between Bin Laden and Hussein Found.
Another classic from the vaults of the Jonestown National Archive
A recently uncovered CIA document seems to prove once and for all that Vice-President Dick Cheney was right in his assertion that Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein were in cahoots. The document long forgotten by the Administration, not unlike morality, was “accidentally” placed in a soil filled, wooden, “coffin like” box, and shipped half way across the world. If not for the heroic discovery of VP Cheney, who found the document while on vacation visiting relatives in Transylvania, the world may have never known.
A White House spokesperson said VP Cheney, “Wrote, I mean found…He FOUND the document. Of course he didn’t actually write it himself, he’s an honorable man and would never do such a thing. For example, he’d never have former Secretary of Defense Colin Powell present documents, which the I.A.E.A. (the International Atomic Energy Agency) called “obvious forgeries”, to the U.N. But I don’t need to tell you that do I? Anyway. Vice President Cheney FOUND the document while creeping, I mean WALKING, through the basement of the Deserted Insane Asylum… I mean VACATION HOME where he was staying. Damn. Has anyone seen Limbaugh I need some more of that HillBilly Heroin?”
The spokesman then returned to give the media an exclusive photo of Cheney on vacation; (Vice-President Dick Cheney at His Vacation Home)
The document should at last slience Cheney’s critics who, in the past, have referred to him as, “Corporate Hack, Grumpy, Bitter Jerk, Insane, Asshole, Dickhead, Dickweed, Dickface, Dickhole, Capt. Deferment, Wanker and Nosferatu”, because he has maintained his belief that Saddam and Bin Laden were working together despite the overwhelming evidence that no connection ever existed.
In an exclusive interview on the “
Fair and Balanced” Fox News Network, Cheney spoke for the first time since his discovery, “Grrrrrrrrrr.” It was noted that VP Cheney did not crack even a semblance of a smile during the entire interview, proving once and for all that even in moments of joy he is no “lily-livered Liberal”, and that he takes his job, and himself, very, very, very, VERY (Emphasis VP Cheney’s) seriously.
Through normal Government channels (bribery, coercion, blackmail, and extreme Religious Righteousness) we here at Jonestown were able to obtain a copy of the document. Although the document seems to be handwritten, and to have VP Cheney’s letterhead scratched out at the top, we are convinced of the document’s authenticity. So without further adieu…
Oh, one last thing…
“Eat your heart out Liberal, Commie Media!”
From the Desk of Vice President Dick Cheney Ten Reasons Why I hate those Fucking Liberals
The Bin Laden-Hussein Connection
1) Al Qaeda orders their outdoor and winter clothing from LL Bean. Saddam once mentioned LL Cool J in an interview. Coincidence?
2) Al Qaeda members have been known to sleep with sheep and goats. Most of the women in Saddam’s family look like sheep and/or goats.
3) Al Qaeda has three “a”s in their name. Saddam has two. 3+2=5. There are 5 fingers in a hand. A hand can be grasped in a “handshake”. People often shake hands after coming to some kind of agreement.
4) Al Qaeda members love the show “Dancing with the Stars”. Saddam liked to dance on people’s faces.
5) Saddam’s best friend was named “Al”.
6)Saddam had a kick ass Tom Selleck mustache. Bin Laden has a kick ass Willie Nelson beard.
7) Bin Laden lives in a cave. Saddam lived in a “spider hole”. Both love enclosed spaces made of dirt and rock. Coincidence?
8)Bin Laden dated Paris Hilton. Saddam stayed at the Paris Hilton.
9)Saddam fought a war against Iran. Bin Laden’s favorite song is “I Ran” by Flock of Seagulls.
10)Republicans supported, armed and trained Saddam during the 1980’s. Republicans supported, armed and trained Bin Laden during the 1980’s.
Oh Yeah. That’s right. They did, didn’t they?