Dick Cheney at Last Vindicated. Connection Between Bin Laden and Hussein Found.

Another classic from the vaults of the Jonestown National Archive

A recently uncovered CIA document seems to prove once and for all that Vice-President Dick Cheney was right in his assertion that Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein were in cahoots. The document long forgotten by the Administration, not unlike morality, was “accidentally” placed in a soil filled, wooden, “coffin like” box, and shipped half way across the world. If not for the heroic discovery of VP Cheney, who found the document while on vacation visiting relatives in Transylvania, the world may have never known.

A White House spokesperson said VP Cheney, “Wrote, I mean found…He FOUND the document. Of course he didn’t actually write it himself, he’s an honorable man and would never do such a thing. For example, he’d never have former Secretary of Defense Colin Powell present documents, which the I.A.E.A. (the International Atomic Energy Agency) called “obvious forgeries”, to the U.N. But I don’t need to tell you that do I? Anyway. Vice President Cheney FOUND the document while creeping, I mean WALKING, through the basement of the Deserted Insane Asylum… I mean VACATION HOME where he was staying. Damn. Has anyone seen Limbaugh I need some more of that HillBilly Heroin?”

The spokesman then returned to give the media an exclusive photo of Cheney on vacation; (Vice-President Dick Cheney at His Vacation Home)

The document should at last slience Cheney’s critics who, in the past, have referred to him as, “Corporate Hack, Grumpy, Bitter Jerk, Insane, Asshole, Dickhead, Dickweed, Dickface, Dickhole, Capt. Deferment, Wanker and Nosferatu”, because he has maintained his belief that Saddam and Bin Laden were working together despite the overwhelming evidence that no connection ever existed.

In an exclusive interview on the “Fair and Balanced” Fox News Network, Cheney spoke for the first time since his discovery, “Grrrrrrrrrr.” It was noted that VP Cheney did not crack even a semblance of a smile during the entire interview, proving once and for all that even in moments of joy he is no “lily-livered Liberal”, and that he takes his job, and himself, very, very, very, VERY (Emphasis VP Cheney’s) seriously.

Through normal Government channels (bribery, coercion, blackmail, and extreme Religious Righteousness) we here at Jonestown were able to obtain a copy of the document. Although the document seems to be handwritten, and to have VP Cheney’s letterhead scratched out at the top, we are convinced of the document’s authenticity. So without further adieu…

Oh, one last thing…

“Eat your heart out Liberal, Commie Media!”

From the Desk of Vice President Dick Cheney

Ten Reasons Why I hate those Fucking Liberals

The Bin Laden-Hussein Connection

1) Al Qaeda orders their outdoor and winter clothing from LL Bean. Saddam once mentioned LL Cool J in an interview. Coincidence?

2) Al Qaeda members have been known to sleep with sheep and goats. Most of the women in Saddam’s family look like sheep and/or goats.

3) Al Qaeda has three “a”s in their name. Saddam has two. 3+2=5. There are 5 fingers in a hand. A hand can be grasped in a “handshake”. People often shake hands after coming to some kind of agreement.

4) Al Qaeda members love the show “Dancing with the Stars”. Saddam liked to dance on people’s faces.

5) Saddam’s best friend was named “Al”.

6)Saddam had a kick ass Tom Selleck mustache. Bin Laden has a kick ass Willie Nelson beard.

7) Bin Laden lives in a cave. Saddam lived in a “spider hole”. Both love enclosed spaces made of dirt and rock. Coincidence?

8)Bin Laden dated Paris Hilton. Saddam stayed at the Paris Hilton.

9)Saddam fought a war against Iran. Bin Laden’s favorite song is “I Ran” by Flock of Seagulls.

10)Republicans supported, armed and trained Saddam during the 1980’s. Republicans supported, armed and trained Bin Laden during the 1980’s.

Oh Yeah. That’s right. They did, didn’t they?

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~ by fairlane on September 25, 2007.

17 Responses to “Dick Cheney at Last Vindicated. Connection Between Bin Laden and Hussein Found.”

  1. Finally the truth comes out! The evidence is insurmountable. Tricky Dick II has been vindicated. I hope Sean Hannity is happy now.

  2. I know I yam!
    peace be true…later dudes

  3. But what are ewe? “Baaaaaaaaad.” Oh, yeah, some links to your source material would be a plus for this piece Doug;)
    barumewe, barumewe, to your breed, your clan, your self be true…barumewe! Have a blessed day.

  4. Oh man… It’s really true!

    hehehe

  5. I especially like evidence (3). In the face of such hard facts, even the most liberal-minded, fag-loving commie must surrender. I mean, this is math we are talking about after all. What do you want to do, question the very foundations of arithmetic?

  6. My favorites were, in reverse order: item no. 10 for its ironic bite, “Grrrrr,” for the believability of the dialogue and the picture of Dick Cheney at his vacation home. Because I never expected Nosferatu. Never.

  7. For some reason I really like “the kick ass Tom Selleck mustache”. Those things are wicked cool.

  8. Btw, that also vindicates him in the eyes of the Lord for having that Queer Daughter.

  9. Did any of them morans have kick ass mullets from fantastic sam’s?

  10. the folks at Land’s End must be pissed they lost Al Q’s business to their arch rival LL Bean

    speaking of LL Bean (on another note) from back in the recent past

    “Linda Bean Folkers, the granddaughter and heiress to the fortune of L.L. Bean, has always been a supporter of the most radical and insane right wing causes and politicians. She has contributed thousands of dollars to such miserable groups as our old buddy Newt Gingrich’s GOPAC, the Republican Coalition for Life (anti-abortion only – not anti-war or anti-disease or anti-starvation or the like), and that sad and silly old ultra-conservative “matriarch”, Phyllis Schlaffly’s “Eagle Forum”

    hence no LL Bean stuff in this apt

  11. No matter what, I still wouldn’t go hunting with old shooter.

  12. “6)Saddam had a kick ass Tom Selleck mustache. Bin Laden has a kick ass Willie Nelson beard.”

    Often wondered about that! {grin}

    thx for stoppin’ by my place!!

  13. Future- I don’t know. God really, really hates them queers and such. He may have to do more.

    Dave- How can you have “morans” without Mullets. That’s simply un-American.

    Dist- Back in the day LL Bean was the shit. Now it’s just shit.

    I’m sure many people continue to believe the company is owned by “Northern Liberals,” including the Wingnuts who see “Liberals” in their cereal.

    PoP- I wouldn’t go hunting.

    Karen- That’s my favorite one. “Tom Selleck” mustache. Saddam looked just like him. I never understood the “Mustache.”

  14. I tried to post last night, but your blog wouldn’t allow it. Rude blog!

    Anyway, that Bin Laden/Hussein connection gave me the chills, man. Eerie.

    Hilarious, too.

  15. Oh my – too fucking funny my man, too fucking funny.

    You had me at LL Cool J! In fact – once Lynne Cheney wrote a line in one of her lesbian novels that went something like “Heels tall, bikini small, she said she liked Republicans.” Like that.

  16. Nvisible- They were doing “maintenance” last night.

    Of course you are always welcome.

    Fran- I’ve never read any of her stuff. Is it digestible?

    Glad you enjoyed. We aim to please. (Who “we” is I have no idea).

  17. As if I’d know. If I were going to read Lesbian fiction Lynne Cheney would not be my first stop!

    I hope my Goin’ Back to Cali lyric steal wasn’t lost in translation!

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