Jonestown Obtains Photos Ann Coulter Never Wanted You to See

I was compelled to repost this because of a conversation over at Distributor Cap’s House.

What began as an innocent conversation quickly degenerated into the worst kind of smut and debauchery imaginable.

Toward the end, my dear friend Kelso of Kelso’s Nuts Fame made a statement that kept me awake last night.

Kelso admitted, if given the opportunity, he’d willingly give Ann Coulter the old “In Out,” and that he actually may enjoy such an experience.

Now, I’m well aware of the appeal of Grudge Fucking, and I won’t even attempt to pretend I’ve never engaged in such behavior.

However…

Having said that, I think Kelso is making a mistake. Maybe I’m wrong, but I can’t stand by and watch a friend speed toward a cliff without at least getting my signed copy of “Ham on Rye” out of his car. (Bukowski’s dead you know? That book is irreplaceable).

If I’ve misjudged, and Kelso is into this kind of thing, I apologize. Who am I to question? And let’s be honest, along with Brittney Spears, Ann is at the top of the “Please Dear God Can’t Someone Love Me?” list.

I mean, Ann is almost 60 years old, and has never been in a Successful Relationship, Ever.

That’s pretty sad when you think about it.

 

Reports are surfacing all over the Internet that Ann Coulter may be a man in woman’s clothing.

(Ann Coulter before her July 27 Operation. *Notice what appears to be a very large Adam’s Apple)

In an exclusive, Jonestown obtained secret photos of Ann without the make-up and countless hours spent concealing her true identity.

We must warn you, these photos are disturbing, and are not recommended for small children, people who are easily offended or anyone with a heart condition.

Please, we urge you, Be Careful. Jonestown cannot afford yet another lawsuit.

Exclusive photo #1

Exclusive photo #2

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~ by fairlane on October 4, 2007.

31 Responses to “Jonestown Obtains Photos Ann Coulter Never Wanted You to See”

  1. Naw, here she is

    Just kidding–not thin enough.

  2. You have to admit, they look eerily similar.

  3. Maybe I’ve just had too much smoke, but is there an actual pic at #2? All I saw was a blank screen. Is she actually a vampire?

  4. Yeah, there was a glitch, we were smoking too much. Sorry.

  5. It’s suddenly clear why Howard decided to hide on satellite radio. No more ‘in person’ events.
    Is it wrong for me to still want to do horribly naughty things to her/him? I think my kimono belt is rising.

  6. Side by side view – frightening similarity!

    (I still don’t rule out vampire, btw)

  7. Damn, who knew? Hell if I were her I would go back to being a guy. That’s the only way she can escape the road to hell that I hope she’s speeding down each and every day.

    Hell o f a day. No doggie accidents and no wet hairballs. I’m on a roll now!

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  8. http://www.gizoogle.com

    Obviously you’ll want to do your own blog, but put mine in there to. It’s hilarious!

  9. Fo’ schnizzle!

  10. I can no longer look at women with large Adam’s Apples in the same way (i.e., formerly without suspicion). Anne’s personality is enough to drive me off without worrying about being sliced open by one of her shoulder blades.

  11. There is no hotness to Anne what so ever.

    -=t=-

  12. I wouldn’t fuck Ann Coulter with her own dick.

  13. this is all terribly unfair.

    if you apply duct tape in the proper locations (her mouth, your eyes) and don’t use your hands, i’m sure Mr. Coulter…er, i mean Ms. Coulter…is entirely fuckable.

  14. this only confirms my prior allegations. thanks for stepping up.

  15. I agree with Morse, but the commander does have a point.

  16. I met a chick like Ann before. It was late nite the club was closing; she insisted on …you know…givin me a show. We got to my car some heavy petting going on and i reached down.

    He screamed!!!!

    just kiddin

  17. Morse- Who would? The “woman” is a plague when it comes to relationships.

    Commander- In a way, I understand where Kelso is coming from, but it’s simply too risky.

    raffi- That’s why I’m here brother.

    Pissed- It is a tossup for sure. “She” is sexy in a “Goddamn I hate that fucking bitch way,” but on the otherhand, “I’m not attracted to men.”

    David- This isn’t a confessional buddy.

    However, no one here will judge you or your “mistakes.”

    Hell, who am I to judge anyone?

  18. hey, i said fuckable, not breedable.

  19. i dont believe we have ever seen Ann Coulter and Howard Stern in the same room and the same time

    somehow i hope i didnt start an “I love ann coulter’s loins and vulva” club…..

  20. I’d never thought about it but the resemblance is uncanny.

    Except Howard is more attractive.

    Thanks for your kind comment the other day. Meant to get back sooner but life is a little nuts lately.

  21. Be afraid. Be very afraid…

  22. Lust is in the loins of him what feels it, si o no? You are all making a big mistake here. You are conflating lust with politics. I disagree with everything Ann Coulter stands for — vehemently. The persona she puts forward is offensive on so many levels, not the of which is her blatant anti-Semitism. That’s not the point. The point is that there’s something so exquisitely twisted about her that I know she’d be mad fun. I don’t want to marry her. I don’t want to date her. I don’t want to adopt her viewpoint on anything. And I’m certainly not in love with her from afar. There are some things you want to do because it’s your vaina (panameno for “schtick”, Meredith) and there are other things you want to do because it just seems so weird and life is so short that it would be kind of sad to go to your grave without having done it. File Coulter for me in the latter category. Kind of in the way I’d like to play Barack Obama heads-up at NLHE for a tremendous amount of money. They say he likes this game yet if he’s hanging around with Lieberman and the preachemen he can’t be any fucking good at it, but with an ego like his, he’d think he was better than Ivey. Because I know I’d own him. That sort of thing. I don’t want to be best friends with Obama. I want to rob him at hold ’em. I don’t want to have lovey-dovey with Ann Coulter. I want to tap into that deep reserve of shame and loathing she has. Geddit?

  23. Isn’t Coulter one of the four horses of the Apocalypse?

  24. Oh you are onto something… oh yest you are indeed.

  25. Friends don’t let friends screw Ann Coulter.

  26. Commander- You can’t afford the risk. Spiders eggs have a short lifespan, and her clock is ticking.

    DCNY- Personally, I think the resemblance is as Ann said, “Uncanny.” Same Afghan Hound Dog face, same beady eyes, both of them are built like a praying mantis.

    It’s her or it’s him. Whatever.

    Ann- You’re very welcome.

    I’m not getting around much lately either. Real life tends to get in the way some times.

    G- We cannot fear them or the terrorists win.

    K- I understand your motivation. However, what you don’t seem to understand is that you’re lusting after Howard Stern, which is your prerogative, but I thought you might like to know.

    Ripley- Either that or one of their hounds.

    Fran- Long time no see. How was/is Spain?

    Poobah- My sentiments exactly. I’m not sure I would allow my enemies either simply because there’s a chance she could reproduce.

  27. No, Howard Stern is a big, ugly, half-Jewish, half-Italian guy, who has a pretty good sense of humor. Ann Coulter’s kind a twisted shiksa, not bad looking, with not a terrible sense of humor, a sexy style of dress and a decent figure. Following your line of reasoning, she’s more like a Fred Barnes with longer hair. Not that Fred’s more appealing than Howard, but we’re far afield from my thing because I’m not into getting it on with guys and Adam’s Apple notwithstanding, the Who-waah Coulter’s a pretty solid favorite to be a woman. She’s 5000/1 odds on to be a woman.

  28. Why not just ask Bill Maher, I hear he should know!

  29. Fairlane, where the hell are you? Did Ann come and hurt you? Did she? Did she?

  30. Blanket comment around the blogs:

    Some of my newer net friends get an overdue mention as I visit around the blogs today-
    HERE’S THE TRUTH: We took the wrong path.

    Thanks for being here! 🙂

    (love the Clockwork picture in green- “A bit of the old ultra-violence”)

  31. confession: i know she’s abrasive, but i totally have a crush on Ann Coulter

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