Harry Potter character comes out of the closet: News at eleven

Johnny Wingnut

Hey, have you heard the latest Harry Potter news? Ooooh…it’s a shocker. You’re not going to believe it; Before a packed house at Carnegie the other night, J.K. Rowling was asked by a fan if Dumbledore ever finds true love. Rowling’s response? “Dumbledore is gay.” That gives a “hole” new meaning to the term “hocus pocus” doesn’t it?

And now that Dumbledore is out of the closet as it were, can we expect future startling admissions about the characters of the Harry Potter series? I can hear it now. Next time Rowling is asked some innocuous question at a large public gathering she’ll blurt out:

“Harry Potter’s name is really Hairy Pooter!” It turns out Hairy was twice adopted and the first set of parents thought it best to change his name for fear it would somehow bestow some latent homosexual tendencies. That’s why Voldemort had to eliminate them. He was part of a radical gay wizard movement bent on eradicating homophobic wizards who thought they made better parents than homosexual ones. Of course, that’s why the straight wizards were homophobic in the first place. But we don’t talk about that shit in “respectable” circles because it’s just not P.C. and all.

Then again, Rowling’s admission about Dumbledore does explain a couple of things: like the long dresses, the tenor voice, and the Jack Sparrow like body language. Actually, no; he could’ve just been an effeminate cross dressing heterosexual wizard. Oh the shame of it. I’ll never look at Dumbledore the same way again…neither will you (PUKE!).

Look people, this wouldn’t be such a big deal except this story made BIG news. I’m wondering why. Aren’t you? Who fucking cares? How is Dumbledore’s sexual orientation relevant to….anything? He’s an imaginary character whose sexual behavior doesn’t need to be explained. Does this “fact” change who Dumbledore is? Does this coming out have any bearing on the stories? Will it make a difference in the real world? Does Carmen Electra wear panties? “Inquiring minds want to know.” Somebody please explain it to this obtuse, sexually repressed, homophobic, conservative, because I, sure as hell, don’t fucking get it.

I’m still trying to figure out why Rowling had to go and bring poor Albus out of the closet. Talk about non-sequitur, the fan in question didn’t ask her Dumbledore’s sexual orientation. She asked if he ever finds true love. Couldn’t Rowling have just said, “No” and left it at that? For the answer she gave, she would’ve done just as well to reply, “Dumbledore’s sperm count is unusually high these days.”

And what of the audience’s response to this nascent idea? Time magazine reported that “gasps” were heard and then “applause.” As if:

“Oh my gosh! Dumbledore is gay!”

“Did I hear her correctly?”

“I think she did…she did say that Dumbledore is gay. I always knew there was something about that man.”

“Well, my word! This is wonderful! I just can’t contain my glee. I am totally enraptured with that idea. I simply must clap…oh, and look…everyone else is clapping too.”

“Why isn’t this just marvelous?”

“Spontaneous applause…I declare!”

“As a role model, you can hardly do better than Albus Dumbledore. I hope my children grow up to be just like him.”

Only the admission that an imaginary character is gay could illicit those kind of warm fuzzy feelings “coupled” with a concurrent media pimp response. What kind of world are we living in where something like this could be so monumental? Shit people! Get a life!

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~ by johnnywingnut on October 30, 2007.

12 Responses to “Harry Potter character comes out of the closet: News at eleven”

  1. Not surprising when Britney is all over the msm which seems to be more akin to the Jerry Springer show. Certainly news of real importance are not easily found or covered honestly in msm.

    (Love the cartoon!)

  2. […] wrote an interesting post today on Harry Potter character comes out of the closet: News at elevenHere’s a quick […]

  3. I find it equally surprising that the response to the question implies that gay people do not find true love.

    “of course not; he’s gay” actually she left it open to interpretation but not that open. We know what she means.”Does he ever find true love”? she had to be laughing inside, internally guaging the amazing response she knew her answer would provoke.

    “Dumbledore is gay”

    She didn’t answer the question. She made a statement.

  4. Johnny – I had the same question that Dancy had on this statement. “What? Gay folk are incapable of finding true love?”

    The other thought that crept into my head as I was reading this was how some people treat the whole Harry Potter book serial as a religious meme. To be certain, the whole series is a fantasy and for the author and most people, this point is not lost. However, there are some, who have eaten this shit up so intensely that characters like Dumbledore and Valdemoor are actually quite real to them.

    Bring it full circle and one has to wonder what Rowling’s motivation was for saying what she did. Was it a tongue in cheek send up to boost book sales? (As if she needs it.) A wink and nod to those in the know who understand that she was making a joke? (Maybe) Or was she revealing something of her inclinations and machinations on the subject of homosexuality? (Probably)

    But your point is well taken. Who the fuck cares? (Well, there’s you for writing the post. Me for commenting. And DB Dancy too.. he cares….)

  5. I agree with Spartacus. People care, including you or you wouldn’t write about it. From the Capitalist’s perspective, what Rowling did was ingenious. She combined sex with the only thing that sells even better, Fear.

    Many people are afraid of homosexuality, for whatever irrational reason, but I think you briefly touched on a part of it Johnny when you said, “He was part of a radical gay wizard movement bent on eradicating homophobic wizards who thought they made better parents than homosexual ones.”

    Studies show that children growing up with homosexual parents fair no worse than those growing up with heterosexual parents.

    Let’s face facts, and be honest for once, homosexuality threatens the “traditional family,” which in turn threatens religion because the family is the focal point of religious indoctrination. If people realize the “religious” objection to homosexuality is bullshit then what else about religion is bullshit?

    Homosexuality has been around since humanity began. To claim it’s a choice is a veiled attempt to marginalize it in order to control human sexuality, and to protect religion.

    Why is so much of religion based on fear? And why does fear sell so well among the religious?

  6. Speaking as an out gay man in a 16 year “marriage” to my same gender partner, I can attest to the fact that lots and lots of gay men find love and happiness.

    Yeah, I talk a lot of smack about how much I want to blow the NY Yankees catch, Jorge Posada, but big fucking deal? What guy doesn’t talk smack?

    The great thing to me about Dumbledore coming out is the vitriol and furious homophobia it’s unleashed from the usual thumper suspects who believe in the Bible, the flag and George Bush.

    Conservatives hate — and I mean mean HATE the LGBT community. It’s a pathology with these whack jobs. But, like we didn’t didn’t know this already???

  7. Spartacus and fairlane: Yep. It occurred to me too (after I finished writing the post)that I certainly do care. I am troubled that so many think this is big deal. Also, the fact that so many are enamored by this “novel” concept, as evidenced by how well it played at Carnegie and in mainstream media, makes my question: “Who fucking cares?” pretty much meaningless. Oh well…that’s the way these things go sometimes. Such are the pitfalls of writing with a gut response instead of thinking it through. It’s honest, but not always prudent or safe. I suppose, like Pilot, “What I have written, I have written.”

    Chris: Two out of three ain’t bad. I know you’re generalizing, but in my own defense, not everyone who believes in the Bible, and pledges allegiance to the flag hates gays. For that matter, not everyone who loves God, king, and country hates gays. But hey, I’m just a narrow minded, bigoted, homophobic conservative…lol:) so what the hell do I know.
    Peace

  8. JW- It’s cool. Of course we care, but just not for the same reasons. I care that they incessantly report on Brittney’s latest drinking binge or fender bender, not because I give a shit about Brittney, but because I don’t give a shit about Brittney, and I’m fairly certain there are more important issues to cover.

  9. JW-I was intending to jump your train. I knew what you meant by who the fuck cares. I yell that at my TV all the time. I yell it to the wife and kids, too, but not nearly as often and with far less vitriol than my TV gets. I totally get the frustration and aggravation of having these linguistic hand-grenades tossed by people less interested in the harm it causes and more in the spectacle of the carnage.

    But think of the euphoric extreme — a world without headline reporting of the celebrity du jour. You can bet your Wingnuttiness that Oprah or the view will produce a 15-minute segment on the mysterious disappearance of celebrities. I’d even bet money on that…KELSO? What are the odds?

  10. I remember when they said Tinky Winky was gay and then nobody would wear his costume at Halloween. Sad.

  11. Nobody would wear Tinky-Winky’s costume, but then again, no one would wear the Jerry Falwell model either.

  12. Sorry ya’ll; I was at that party and fairlane was, indeed, wearing that costume. There he was, polyester suit, Bible in hand, big goofy grin. I couldn’t believe it. Damn, that was funny! Only fairlane could pull off something like that. Hell, he made it look cool…the bastard! Next year, I’m coming as Alan Colmes, but in all my “Wingnuttiness.” “Wingnuttiness”… That’s too funny, Sp. Yer crackin’ me up here.

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