Shut the Door on Your Way Out and Don’t Forget to Turn Off the Lights


fairlane1329.jpgWhen is enough, Enough? When do we, meaning Americans, hit bottom? A major city left underwater didn’t do it. Neither did Bullshit Intelligence that started a War. We fretted a bit about an outed CIA agent, an act of Treason, but we got over it, and went about our business. Our Government can spy on us whenever they want, but other than a Murmur here or a cry of “Big Brother” there, we don’t mind so much. We elected an “Opposition” Party that is more like the Sister who keeps loaning her Crack Addict brother money. Or maybe she’s a Crack Addict as well, and they split the Rocks.

We signed away our Privacy in order to preserve our “Freedom and Security.” We are gladly salvaging our future, and the futures of our children to pay for a War that Cannot Be Won, for Tax Cuts we cannot afford, and a Sham Education Plan that does not Work.

We handed over Complete Trust to a Government that None of Us Believe.

Some will ask, “Well, what Freedoms have you lost?,” which is an Illogical Question. If and/or when the day comes that we lose our Freedom, it will be both Impossible and Unnecessary to answer such a question because Sir Wingnut of Estonia will be standing beside us in the Cell. By then, it’s too Fucking Late.

So, do the American People have a Proverbial “Bottom?” Is there a breaking point or are we all so conditioned from having pile of Shit after pile of Shit heaped upon us that we can pretty Damn well take Anything?

Did we already hit bottom, possibly years ago? This might explain it. We simply gave up, and declared, “Fuck It. I Give Up, You Win!” Is that what happened?

Maybe, when you break it down, we really don’t give a Shit. After all, I don’t live in Iraq or New York, and by the time this Spending catches up my life will almost be over.

And the Loss of Freedom? Well, that’s a gradual process. Tyrants, believe it or not, learn from History. They know if they truly want to maintain power they have to take their Time. Oppressive Regimes that force themselves into place overnight inevitably crumble because they didn’t give themselves enough time to Indoctrinate the Populace. But if they take their time, and Bleed Hope from the Populace day by day replacing it with their Bile, then they have a chance to rule not just for today or the foreseeable future, but Potentially Forever.

I know, I’m being Paranoid. Let me get out my “Tinfoil Hat,” and my “Vote for Kucinich” Button.

Anyone with a Brain knows life hasn’t really changed during the last 30 years. Why, when I was young I remember reports of Celebrity Clit Piercings regularly Trumping Real News.

And I remember everyone worked for Mc Donald’s or the local Department Store, and that the “American Dream” was about “Just Getting By,” and making it to the next day or week or if you were really lucky the next month. In fact, no one had Calendars back then because thinking about a year or two down the Road was “Insane.”

Now that I think about it…

I clearly recall staying Inside on Halloween Night because my neighbor’s wanted to Poison or Kidnap Me.

I loved those nights sitting in front of the Television hearing about how Bozo and Captain Kangaroo just got busted for Operating a Child Pornography Ring.

And if Bozo didn’t get me, surely some horrible Virus would. Or maybe a new Deadly Strain of Bacteria or People who didn’t speak English or Practice “Our” Religion.

We were always at War then as well. Every few months we had new “Enemies.” Crazies who needed to be bombed into Submission. Barbarians who didn’t “Love Freedom” like we Civilized Folk.

And Americans Hated one another. My first day in Geography class our Teacher showed us how America was divided into Colors. One part of America was Green, and the other part was Yellow. The Greens hated the Yellows, and of course the Yellows despised the Greens.

Whenever my parents planned a vacation, we made sure to stay away from any Yellow States even if it meant we had to drive a thousand miles out of our way. “Can’t give those Yellow Bastards any of our money,” my Dad used to say.

“Damn right Pop. Yellow Sons of Bitches!”

I spent the first 15 years of my life Indoors. My friends and I never went outside. Not with all the dangerous people out there waiting to Get Us. Besides we had Movies to watch, and Video Games to play. Outdoors was a place poor people played.

And we were careful to never get too Hopeful. “Hope is for the Naive, and the Bleeding Hearts,” is what Mom told us. “It’s dog eat dog out there, and you better get your killin’ face on.”

Mom is who inspired me to become a Counselor. I didn’t actually want to “Help” anyone, that’s for Pussies. No, I wanted to look in their eyes as I twisted the blade, and to laugh as they sank into Oblivion.

“See you in Hell Mother Fucker!”

When I went to College, I majored in Social Darwinism, and I learned about “Responsibility and Consequences.” I wholeheartedly supported the idea that other people were Completely Responsible for the Consequences of my Actions, and in Return I was Responsible for Nothing.

“Don’t want to get run over Bitch? Don’t stand on the Fucking Sidewalk!”

I learned that America is in fact not a “Society,” but a series of Individual Corporations. Each one Independent, and Utterly Disconnected from the Other.

“You went Bankrupt? Tough Fucking Titties, Asshole. You should have Invested More Wisely.”

During my favorite class, we’d sit for 50 minutes straight Clinching our Fists and Gnashing our Teeth. I felt so alive. They were preparing us for the “Real World.” And Goddamn am I forever Grateful.

To think some people dream of “Love” or “Marriage” or “Raising Children” or even “Helping Others.” Who has the time or even the Inclination for such trivial matters?

Don’t you know there is no such thing as “Love?”

Sure, you call it “Love,” but you’re only Deluding yourselves.

“Where have you been? Who’s that you were talking to? Why weren’t you home at 7:00? When will dinner be ready? Do we have anymore Scotch?”

And why should I help you? No one helped me. Do you honestly think that I, meaning me, am going to give more than I receive? Are you Fucked in the Head?

I’ll tell you what. You sign this Contract, and then I’ll see what I can do. But remember, I own your Ass.

Yes, yes, it’s all coming back to me now.

You’re right America, nothing has changed. We remain the “Great and Free” Country we always were. I admit, I had a moment of weakness, and that voice started up again.

You know the one. The one that pushes it’s way into your head, “What are you doing? Where are you going? What is happening? Why aren’t you doing something to stop it? You have to try. If we don’t have something worthwhile in which to believe, then we have nothing.”

Christ, I almost let it get hold of me. Thank you America for setting me straight. Just ignore the first part of this post. Mark it down to residue left over from the days when I was exposed to the “Liberal Media,” and the Commies who hang out in front of Grocery Stores waiting to take people back to their Morally Depraved Hideouts. Without you I may have succumbed to their Evil Temptations.

The pleasure is not in the Means, but in the End.

You’re right, I need to get my Ass back in Church.

Dead Kennedys

Police Truck





~ by fairlane on October 31, 2007.

23 Responses to “Shut the Door on Your Way Out and Don’t Forget to Turn Off the Lights”

  1. Your rants make my own ranting seem like a very pale imitation. You and DCup do intelligent expression of frustration and anger like nobody else.

    When is enough, enough? I ask myself everyday. What’s the fucking point, why not let humanity fulfill its dream of self-destruction? But I can’t seem to bring myself to actually giving up.

  2. Damn straight, fairlane. Get yer arse back in church. Sorry, man…I only read the last line. I gotta deadline tonight so I’ve have to jet. I’ll be back tomorrow and scope it out, though.

    Hey, thanks for commenting over at the new blog. I posted a weak-assed response to it, earlier. See you tomorrow, holmes.

  3. Don’t hold back, fairlane, tell us what you really think!

    It’s great to have a blog to let our your frustrations. It will keep you from blowing your top at the wrong time, like when answering the door for the little ghosts and goblin trick or treaters.

    I can hear you now…. “Don’t you kids go alluding yourselves to thinking of love or marriage or raising little one of your own to go trick or treating someday! That’s not going to happen! Now take this candy and get the hell out of here! And…shut the door on your way out and don’t forget to turn off the damned lights!”


    BTW, great post! That video is amazing.

  4. Shit! This is a classic Fairlane post. I’m so riffing on this in my next piece.

    Bleeding hope from us….it’s been a slow seduction. And now we ask, how did this axe handle get in our ass, anyway?

  5. Thanks for a wild ride on your rant…

    When is enough enough? When millons hit the streets together and smash some things and scream for change. Probably when the other half get off their lazy asses and vote. Or maybe when the shit hits the fan and there is widespread bankruptcy, no money for the troops, and the Euro rules the world. Drought, floods, fires and lousy air might help too. (Although the superstitious, dark ages, Christian wingnuts love all this stuff – sorry I had to add that.)

    I like your anger. It’s the opposite of apathy.

    There are many nations (including Canada – at least for now) which demonstrate something more sane than what you describe. Maybe America will look abroad with something other than lust or fear in the next decades. Wouldn’t it be great to let go of being the bossy bully and just take a seat with everyone else and fool around a little?

    Anyhow, for you personally, I hope there are moments of beauty with people you care about, with nature, with some good dope…whatever works. Because in spite of it all, there is beauty.

    Now get your ass into church and beg for forgiveness or you’ll end up in hell with all the yellow state bastards.

  6. Fairlane-

    This is a classic. Save it. Frame it. Post it on the doors of the White House and the Capitol Dome.

    This so dead on because we, as Americans, have refused to define exactly what is “enough.”

    If you don’t mind, I’d like to cross-link this post on my blog as a reference to a poem I plan to post.

    Again..thanks for this and for helping me out over at MSEP. I’ll stand in ranks with you any day, brother.

  7. It just occurred to me that when one police officer beat one man in LA, people rioted and looted the city. When this occurs in Iraq on a scale multiplied by 1,000,000, we change the channel on our tvs.

    Did I sign the contract when I got that credit card and gave out my social security number? It was in the fine print, I suppose. Shit.

  8. hey fairlane, don’t forget about your daily fill of “terror, evil, evil-doers, terror, evil, evil-doers, terror, terror, blah, blah, blah, blah”, otherwise you’re likely to think freely

  9. orwell lives

  10. Damn man, that was some good shit

  11. My head’s off to ya, Dude. Thanks for reminding us what “pissed off” sounds like.

  12. Thanks for the add. My humble blog is honored.

  13. Great rant. You’re as good as that “Fuck Christmas” guy. Hey, are you that “Fuck Christmas” guy?

    I’m thinking of joining the Trappist order as their official Taste-Tester.

  14. My fear is that the rest of the country will finally get pissed off enough after W bombs Iran and the price of gas climbs to $10/gallon. Wish there was some interim step that would get people in the streets. That said, I remember waiting when W was stealing the first election, waiting for someone to say “to the streets,” but it never came. I think that might have been the point when everyone gave up and said fuck it. I just don’t know.

  15. i dont get it either
    but Fairlane — you hit the nail on the head

    i wish we could hit every american now

  16. ; )

    and a “bang on the ear!”

  17. Suzi- I appreciate the compliment, but as I noted, you are a fine “ranter” yourself, and thanks for the link as well.

    JW- I’m fairly certain that won’t be happening anytime in the near future.

    Mary- Actually, I love the trick or treaters. Bella and I stood out on my porch last night while she screamed, “We have candy!”

    DCup- I look forward to your next post.

    Gary- No doubt there is great deal of beauty in this world. This is my “back forty” where I can come and scream at the top of my lungs without worrying about John W. Law hauling my ass away.

    Spart- Feelings mutual holmes. That guy is a douche. Link away.

    Freida- It’s the eternal question, “How in the hell did I get here?”

    raffi- This is America. Nothing is free.

    D-Bass- If it’s some “Good Shit,” then be a gentleman and pass the Spliff on the Left hand side.

    Cunning- I’m getting the hang of this “Pissed Off” thing. I’m not sure if that’s good or not, but I must admit it’s fun.

    Scarlet- I’m not big into Christmas, but if people want to celebrate greed, who am I to say No?

    As for your new career choice, I support you 100%.

    Pissed- To be honest, sometimes I’m torn between, “I have to do something,” and “I just need to let all this go because before I know it, my life will be over.”

    DCNY- I feel you on that for sure. Give me a damn hammer, I’m ready.

    Coffee- Are you quoting the Waterboys? If so, right back at ya.

  18. Wow… I am late to the party, ever behind in my reading. This is an amazing post.

    It blows my mind that no matter what, people will almost always choose comfort and security over… any independent or critical thinking.

    Honestly – and this is a brutal image, but I think if people were getting boinked up the ass with splintery broom handles but were told “it is in the interest of national security” they’d be “oh, OK.”

    Some people would rant a bit, but in the end, the broom handle hell fuck would push on.

    Then a few of us would say- and I hope I would be among them, but maybe not, maybe I flatter myself- but I hope I would say. Fuck you and fuck that!

    For other reasons, I have had to ponder of late, what my actions would be under certain circumstances. That is why this is very visceral for me and very real.

    I just don’t know.

  19. “Are you quoting the Waterboys? ”


  20. To be honest, sometimes I’m torn between, “I have to do something,” and “I just need to let all this go because before I know it, my life will be over.”

    Um, me too.

  21. Great post, Fairlane. I’m just catching up too. The problem with losing our freedoms is, we never notice they’re gone until it’s too late. Those who are taking our freedoms always say “If you do nothing wrong you have nothing to worry about.” But what if someone THINKS you did something wrong when you didn’t? That’s when you realize you lost your rights.

  22. Well, speaking as someone who ACTUALLY DID IT as opposed to all the belly-achers who cried in their beer when that mushy centrist Kerry let Bush steal the election, I’ll tell you when you take action: when the threat hits so close to home that you can not only recognize it in neon or braille but can taste it and smell it. Then you vote with your feet as I did or you take direct action.

    Your right to leave is a wasting asset, however. Once “READ I.D.” is law and survives all constitutional challenges, you will need internal passports to cross state lines. Exit visas will be as precious a commodity as they were in the Brezhnev era of the USSR. There will be all of these sky-blue and whitecollection tins in the big cities and wealthy suburbs of Colombia, Peru, Ecuador, Bolivia, Venezuela, Argentina and Chile saying “Salveles los judios Americanos!” (Save American Jews) and, some wiseass student will invariable write in “Gane premios en efectivo!” (Win cash prizes!)

    Bush will do something with this by executive order before he departs and I’m not sure if Senator Clinton will abandon the idea once she takes power. She’s a law-and-order zealot, pro-war, and lest you forget, Janet Reno — an H.R.C. choice — while a decent Attorney General overall, had two HORRIBLE blots on her record which were very germane to this issue: her bollixing and subsequent roasting of the Branch Davidians and the slaughter of the Weaver family over minor weapons charges.

    I’ve said this before, Bush is already a vainglorious dictator in the style of a guy like Marcos or Odria. A dumbbell with a huge ego that needs constant stroking. Once Bush took office, every single member of the press and cabinet and all Republicans in Congress always made sure to mispronounce the word “nuclear” so as to make Bush’s malapropism seem correct.

    Believe me, Quentin Tarantino’s line for Vinnie Vega in PULP FICTION was spot-on about Amsterdam and Madrid and Panama City “…they have the same shit over there as they do here, but it’s a LITTLE DIFFERENT and everywhere else in the world except Africa and Asia have all the same shit you have back there. My Smith’s supermarket is way nicer and has more and better stuff than any Smith’s in the states.

    You can still get a lot of U.S. TV if that’s your thing.

    Viva Royale With Cheese! Viva (the less over the top Spanish name for it” “Viva la Quarta Libra con Queso.” Somehow, I think a lot of bloggers whine about this but you are going to have to take my word for it. Why would anyone live in a high-tax country will NO social services, which marinates in Fundie Christianity, Judaism a la Meshumedim, and the White Poor in the Charlie Daniels Band/Harley/God And Country/Krystal meth thing.

    Your right to ex-patriate will also come to an end once Europe, Latin America, Western Europe and Russia decide they don’t like America AT ATL so why risk taking on an entire American 5th Column. Political asylum is a super long shot at best.

  23. Fran- No one knows, the difference is that those in control pretend to “know.”

    Maui- It’s the old cliche, “You never know what you have until it’s gone.”

    We’re an extraordinarily flawed species.

    K- Right now, I can’t leave because of my daughter. I can’t leave her here.

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