Plastic Jesus and the Tit for Tat Gospel

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Johnny Wingnut

I recently received another health and wealth gospel tract/word of faith solicitation in the mail. This one comes as part of a mass mailing campaign aimed at Christians who don’t know any better. Being a Christian myself, I’m completely disgusted with this stuff.

What is the health and wealth/word of faith movement? Nothing more than a concatenation of charlatans selling a cheap Christ. On one hand, they teach that in God’s economy you should be both healthy and wealthy. If you’re not, then there’s something wrong with your relationship with Christ. Similarly, they teach that faith is a force and words are the container of that force. In the new age tradition, the word of faith movement teaches that every Christian has the power within them to speak blessing (health, wealth, or whatever melts your butter) into their own lives.

As part of the deal, of course, you may send them what they call a “seed gift” of dinero “to God’s work.” The contents of these mailings comprises, typically, three to four pages and in full color, complete with testimonials outlining how this method really works. Business must be good because I get these damned things in the mail every couple of months.

This particular one had an enclosed “prayer handkerchief,” (pictured above) which was really nothing more than a piece of paper with an embroidered pattern on the border. Recipients of this “handkerchief” were instructed to print their name and their most pressing problem in the center of the “handkerchief” along with the name of someone else “they really love that needs God’s help.” Next, they are instructed to (get this) “lay their bible faith handkerchief” on top of selected verses of the Bible, after which they must leave it under the bed and sleep over it for one night. (I’m not kidding). The mind reels that there could be more, but finally recipients are instructed to mail the “handkerchief” back to this “ministry” in the morning, so the “Spiritual Leader” driving this train may “write something, in the spirit, to you that’s good and is coming to your door.”

The situation would be laughable, except that there are many Christians who fall for this routine. But what happens when life happens and the bottom falls out of their world? Because of this blasphemous and fatally flawed theology they are left thinking that they haven’t been good enough, that they haven’t enough faith, that God is angry with them, no longer loves them, or some other such nonsense.

The other half of the equation involves those who aren’t believers. This plastic Jesus gospel is so pervasive in our culture that many nonbelievers think it’s an accurate representation of Christianity. TBN and the word of faith televangelists they pimp haven’t helped matters any. Secular media has picked up on this fractured paradigm of the gospel as well, and so, have helped to set the stereotype of Christians in stone.

If these apostate antichrists were the only exposure you had to the Christian worldview, would you want any part of it? Probably not; most sentient beings I know run as fast as they can in the other direction and I don’t blame them. Subsequently, their minds are sufficiently closed to the authentic Christ who desires to know them and accepts them unconditionally, as they are, warts and all.

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~ by johnnywingnut on November 8, 2007.

16 Responses to “Plastic Jesus and the Tit for Tat Gospel”

  1. Wow, I really NEVER would have guessed you were a Christian. Hopefully my agnostic rants haven’t offended you.

  2. I’m not. Jonestown has other writers now. There are five of us, and one, Johnny Wingut, is a Wingnut Christian.

    As it says in the Bible, “Keep an eye on thine enemies, and sleepeth with their wife, but if that’s not possible, asketh them to write for thouest blogeth.”

  3. I can’t speak for fairlane, (I know this is a case of mistaken identity) but I can assure you, your “rants” haven’t offended me. Anyway, if I couldn’t stand the heat, I wouldn’t be in the kitchen.

  4. Well said johnnywingnut, very well said!

  5. I go to church and I’m still trying to figure out who wrote the King James Bible

    Shakespere or Sir Francis Bacon?

  6. Now doesn’t the fact that they’re begging for money suggest that THEIR relationship with Christ is screwed up? Just sayin’.

  7. i don’t care if it rains or freezes, long as i got my plastic jesus

  8. Jesus can turn water to wine, fish into more fish, heal the sick, and raise the dead, but he can’t hold down a job.

    I think I ran into him the other day. Said he had a “flat tire,” and wanted to know if I could spare a “dollar or two.”

  9. I got one of those mailers recently. I sent the envelope back with a message that I would have given them a fat check but God told me to keep my money.

  10. Well said. It is a shame that charlatans like this sully what Christianity is really about. I am not religious but I respect those who truly believe and live by their faith. I had a boss about 20 years ago whom I consider a true Christian. He was kind to everyone, never showed anger, didn’t have an ounce of hatred in him. On his vacations he often worked for organizations such as Habitat for Humanity. He was truly a good man. (And still is, I’m sure, although I haven’t talked to him recently).

  11. Blessed are the poor, that is all I have to say. ‘Ceptin’ Jeebus said it first.

  12. One question for the author and then bye-bye: Mr JWN do you own more books or pieces of home-gym equipment. I’m making it PIECES OF HOME GYM EQUIPMENT -17.5 -120 OVER BOOKS +17.5 +110

    SUBCATEGORY OF BOOKS (EXCLUSIVE OF BIBLES) TOM CLANCY-2-175/ALL OTHER AUTHORS:+2+165

    SUBCATEGORY OF TOTAL LIBRARY: (INCLUSIVE OF BIBLES) 6 FLAT-105

  13. Kelso- What in the Fuck are you talking about?

    I promise, JWN does not own a lick of home gym equipment.

  14. Actually, that’s not altogether true, fairlane. Next time you’re over I’ll give you a tour of the cellar. There’s a stationary bike down there which works well for hanging my drops on.

    Father K: I always wanted a SoloFlex, but never had enough beans to purchase one…probably because the surplus went into my comic book collection, which is substantial. It’s amazing what one can learn from looking at the pictures. Somewhere along the way, I was shoehorned into a remedial reading program. Subsequently, my comic book collection doesn’t mean as much to me, because I had to retool my storylines to make them consistent with the text. Now when anybody asks me if I enjoyed a particular piece of literature, I just tell them “No. I only look at the pictures.” Life is easier that way: A picture is worth a thousand words and I don’t have to read between the lines either.
    Stay strong

  15. To quote Bono (at the risk of Kelso giving me shit about it):

    “My God isn’t short of cash, mister.”

  16. That was old Bono. New Bono’s holding the waterboard.

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