Sex Chat or Something Like It


Pistol Packing DCupSo the boss, on whom I have a big blogger crush, has nudged me out of my comfy zone here at ‘Tits Headquarters. How about a little something? he sweetly writes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah… soon as I’m done surfing porn, okay? Dude, it’s just like being at the office except the connection for porn is slower here in the sticks. Bumfuck nowhere is where ‘Tits HQ is located. We’re just east of the place where vibrators are the tool of the devil and dildoes are what you have when you put a little of the herb on your dead deer.

I’m not so sure that joke worked, but I’m sticking with it. Fuck, man, I live a stone’s throw from the Georgia/Bammy border. I’m entitled.

So what to write that might cut into the testosterone-infused atmosphere here at Jonestown? Well, I’m not sure it’s going to help, but I’m willing to give it a try. And if I’m lucky, I won’t even have to wipe up afterward.

DCup MagI make no secret about the fact that I like to look at porn on the web. It’s true – I do. And, no, I’m not some sixty-two year old guy having one over on this crowd as I masquerade as a middle-aged married mother of three. Nope, I’m an honest to goodness chick with boobs and a snatch and a predilection for fetish porn sometimes. I won’t share details here, but know that there are some tried and true sure bets for me, but what I’m into today is a moving target. So, please, don’t bother trying to send me porn DVDs. I’ll just use them a couple of times (and we use porn, we don’t watch them – let’s not kid ourselves) and then they’ll be tossed into some heap and next thing you know, they’ll show up at some ballet school rummage sale with everyone staring at them all “where did those come from?” while I nod discreetly in the direction of that one mom who really gets on my last nerve……

Shit, where was I? Oh, yeah. Pornography. Sounds more sophisticated when you say it like that. So I’m particularly digging a particular – free! video! – but there’s an element to it that irritates me to the point that I almost don’t want to look at the porn there, except it’s free! video! And frankly, now that I’ve had video, pictures just don’t do it for me any more. Sigh.

As much as I like to look at watch porn, I realize that I’m doing so as some sort of interloper. Chicks don’t enjoy porn. Or at least ladies don’t.  As a feminist, you might expect me to dislike porn because of the way women are treated.  There’s no limit to the amount of degradation and humiliation that women are subjected to in porn. But men are humiliated and degraded, too. Some people are into that.  There are special names for that particular kink.

I suppose since porn is a male domain, there’s a certain logic to the element that bothers me. What I don’t like isn’t how women are treated. It’s how they are portrayed.

Here’s the thing – and it’s not unique to this website, it’s just more pronounced – the language used in the video titles is consistent, but I also find it offensive in an “it’s okay if I call my sister a fat bitch, but you better not, motherfucker” kind of way.

First there are the size/age qualifiers for the women in the videos. Large ladies. MILFs. Tight (that means lean, hot body- I think). Mature.

Those words don’t phase me. Not even when I realize that were I to upload viddies there, I would fall under the large ladies, maybe MILFs, and mature categories. Admitting that your best looking days may be behind you is a bitch. Let me tell you. In terms of performance, the forty-something me kicks the blow-job giving ass of the twenty-something me, but those labels aren’t a skills rating.

Sidenote: You know, sex is just like work in that if you pay attention, you gain transferrable skills that benefit you the next time.

So the words that I don’t like are the same words I use sometimes in certain settings. I admit it right here, right now. I’m a big fucking hypocrite. Oh, yeah. No doubt.

Explicit Language WarningThe words that give me pause? Bitch, slut, whore. I ask you, is this necessary?  Full disclosure, it’s not uncommon for me to use these words myself. In the throes of the hot stuff, I can be heard uttering fun little phrases “Fuck me, I’m your little slut.” It’s all part of the activity. At that very moment, face down on a bed, getting plugged but good, I am feeling it. I am your slut. The dirty talk is an element that tickles the ears, runs it tongue over the brain. And the downright naughtiness of saying such phrases? Deeelicious.

I’m not planning on stopping use of those words any time soon.

So what’s my fucking problem with the video site’s use of those words? Well, let me explain.

I do use these words sometimes in certain, um, intimate settings, but I’m not shouting them at strangers in the grocery store.  I don’t slip the gas nozzle into the tank of my car and say to the woman gassing up next to me “Hey, you horny slut, can you believe these gas prices?”

Context, my friends. Context.

It’s okay for me to use those words in any combination about me, and it’s even okay for my partner to use those words about me in certain settings, but it’s not okay for anyone to just use those words as labels for someone they don’t know. At that point, it’s not just mmmmmoooooofuckmefundegrading. No, it’s something dirtier in the real sense of the word. And that’s not in a good way.

The fact that you don’t see men described so much in similar terms is a bit of a “tell.” You know, there are those identifying factors, again, like huge cock, there’s a certain fascination with black cock and there are even twinks if you look in the right places. Come to think of it, the only time a white guy’s color is mentioned is if he’s engaging in sex with a person of another ethnicity. A la “Tight Asian Rides White Cock Outdoors.” You get the point.

Although the research for this little essay has been entertaining, stimulating and will, in fact, be ongoing, I’m compelled to tell you that I know it’s a white man’s world and I realize that I’ve got a hell of a lot of nerve raising the issue.

But just like when I’m fucking someone, silence is no good.

Do I expect change? Of course not, but I will advocate in appropriate circles for a change of lexicon. Give us some hot beauties fucking and sucking and getting facialized.  Whatever. I’m good with it. But let’s leave the sluts and whores and bitches to the whispered recesses of what lovers say to each other when their bodies come together, shall we?

In the meantime….Fuck me. I’m your hot, wet feminist.


~ by dcup on November 21, 2007.

17 Responses to “Sex Chat or Something Like It”

  1. I agree you are right about the language. I don’t my porn to sprinkled with degrading desciptors.

    BTW… Hey Dcup come hither. I have something to tell you.

  2. Whew. I need a cigarette.

  3. you little slut, you. just kidding. great post. it’s a stereotype thing. in the context (as you said) of a certain situation any of us can be most anything, but when you say i am some one thing in all situations, then you take that too far. it becomes a limiting term.

  4. can i quote a song from Avenue Q

    the internet is for porn…….

    and we we told Al Gore invented the internet — it was Al Goldstein

    also doesnt Laura Bush have the PERFECT porn internet name….. do you think the prez says stuff like “i want your Bush, Bush”

  5. DCup, my friend, my hero. Heroine?

    You and I are not exactly alike but we are not exactly different either. And its more than gender and the bra size that we share.

    Although, I did call a woman in line at the supermarket, a horny slut cunt, but she seemed unphased by it.

    Then, I realized, uh-oh, I am talking to myself out loud again….

  6. MathMan – You don’t what your porn sprinkled with degrading descriptors? You don’t like it? You don’t mind it? I kid the MathMan. But aren’t I lucky that you don’t mind me telling all sorts of sordid stories about what we may or may not get up to?

    Phydeaux – Here, take one of mine. Clove or American Spirit, dear?

    DCap – I can always count on you for a funny. I think Laura used to bill herself The Wild Librarian back in the day in Midland. Now she’s the more discreet LauraS Bush. You just know that W. sits around making Bush jokes to her, but she’s not allowed ot make them back to him.

    Fran – I am SO glad that it’s not just me who’s muttering naughties in the checkout line. Now if only I could remember to not shout things like “I’d like that ham sliced thin!” in bed.

  7. DCup – busted I am.

    “I don’t my porn to sprinkled with degrading desciptors.”

    In this case I think using your imagination may be better. But try these:

    A. use.
    B. need
    C. want
    D. see
    E. create
    F. film
    G. distribute

  8. i always thought of porn as a way to meet people that i have no chance of going to bed with.

  9. As a porn-loving dude – there’s a memo from the Redundancy Department of Redundancy – I’m not a fan of slut, bitch, whore all that much. The most versatile word in any language – fucker – is very useful when I want to mutter or yell at, well, fuckers, in the checkout aisle. In the sack, on those rare occasions when I get some, there really isn’t a whole lot of verbiage.

    And thanks to WordPress for keeping post titles on the little box at the bottom. Nothing beats having coworkers stroll by, reading “sex chat.”

  10. Freida – Exactly, my little hot tamale.

    Commander – Best definition of porn yet!

    MathMan – No comment. No create. No distribution.

  11. DCup, you knockered this one right out of the park! I’m with you on the language thing … the challenge with trying to come up with similar language for men is that everything seems to excite them!


  12. Now I know all those years with Build A Better Vocabulary in the Reader’s Digest were well spent.



  13. Randal – Fuck and variations of it are my favorites in most settings. I’m particularly fond of using them when discussing the weather. And you’ve gotta lighten up there in the sack. Give a shout, make a racket. Worried about kids hearing? Just blame the television.

    BAC – Thanks, Baby. You’ve nailed it on the men. Last time I was making it with MathMan, I sent him over the moon as I whispered that we needed to remember to buy birdseed before we left on our trip to Chicago.

    Ten – A strong vocabulary is a thing that can take you far, as you know. But I’ve also found other activities that involved good skills with tongue, lips and teeth can bring one much success, as well.

  14. I’m just naturally stoic, the Lee van Cleef of fucking. *cue spaghetti western music*

  15. I can’t say enough about how the sounds of fucking excite me, but I’m just not into the denigrating stuff. I don’t fuck whores, can’t stand bitches, and am afraid I’ll catch diseases from sluts.

    But scream and I’m yours, beg for more and you’ll get it, cry and I’ll die in your arms.

    Love can be loud without being disrespectful.

  16. Instead of getting assaulted at corporate retreats you should hang out your shingle as a sex therapist. You are GOOD.

    El Pistolero De Athens, Georgia, and I got up to some disorder last night but I don’t think I can let him read this post or else I’ll have to march him around the fleshpots again tonight after watching about 15 hours of football and explain to him again and write it out phonetically, that when a woman says “dame la leche, papi,” it’s a real, real good thing. But ONLY behind closed doors, of course.

    Nobody’s in a real big hurry to be saying stuff like that while buying breakfast cereal at El Rey.

  17. Damn. You people must be watching better porn than I am, because the stuff I’ve seen just makes me laugh.

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