Jonestown’s Birthday Bonanza

fairlane1329.jpgOkay, okay, today is my birthday. I admit it. I’m not sure how certain unnamed persons (D-Cup and Tengrain) found out, but I’m currently on the phone with the FBI informing them there’s a Mole in the Witness Protection Program.

Thanks D and Ten, and to anyone else who responds to this shameless post.

I do wonder where my Online Girlfriend is at this moment. She promised to meet me under the Bleachers after class for a Pre-Birthday Party “Celebration.”

Damn her, and her wandering Keyboard!

You think you don’t know someone…


Oh, after you gorge yourself on some cake, make sure you stop by and wish Spartacus a Happy Birthday as well.

Yep, Sparty, Billy the Kid, and yours truly share the same jumping off point.





~ by fairlane on November 23, 2007.

25 Responses to “Jonestown’s Birthday Bonanza”

  1. What’s this “no comments” bullshit?? A Fab Guy like you deserves comments. And cake. And maybe an Invisible Hummer or something. And no, I ain’t offerin’.

    But Happy Everyday dude, ’cause every day you’re a day older than the day before, and with any luck, it’ll happen again tomorrow!


    [your contact is the guy with the corny moustache and the cheesy Robert Hall Men’s Stores, suit, btw…at the mall, by the Cinnabon]

  3. Yo, listen-up: birthdays are proof that the other side is losing, dude. You’ve beat the odds one more time.

    Wishing you all the best, man. And I’ll never reveal my sources, beeyotch.



  4. Well, while we’re throwing out the accusations, where were you last week when it was MY birthday?

    Happy birthday, Fairlane.

    BTW, there was a commotion at the bleachers and a big screaming crowd. I’m scared of big screaming crowds and humans in general.

  5. Where’s my link????

  6. In the immortal words of Faith No More, happy birthday, fucker. I mean that in the best possible light, mon ami.

  7. Happy Fuckin’ Birthday my man!

    The blogworld is improved by your presence, as is the real world.

    You are the man!

    Happy and Happier.

  8. Let see, from your musical tastes and a few other earmarks I am confident you just turned 39.

  9. Happy 38 Fairlane! The world would be a duller place without you (safer and tidier and a little more sane), but dull as effing dirty dishwater.

    Keep working your childhood out on us. We all love you.

  10. CR- Thanks homie.

    I already have an invisible Hummer, and an Invisible girlfriend.

    Kelso- You forgot to tell me the secret password. Is it, “The Sparrow flies at dawn?”

    Ten- Next time I’m out your way, I plan on stopping in, and I’ll be bringing the thumbscrews with me.

    Scarlet- We weren’t dating last week.

    Last week I was dating the girl with the blog dedicated to Orthopedic Shoes. Remember?

    I dumped her for you.

    (That video is yet another reason why America is doomed).

    Randal- Much appreciated, you bastard.

    Fran- You and I both know that if I was “The Man,” things would be a lot different.

    Dave- Very close. You’re off by one year.

    Thirty-eight, but maturity wise I’m around fourteen.

    Gary- Childhood? You act like I’m grown up or something. I never left childhood, and I have no plans on “working” my way out of it.

    Immature people live longer, and eventually become President. All I need now is a debilitating booze addiction.

    And I resent this idea that the world would be “saner” without me.

    I am sanity.

    Seriously, I appreciate the love. I’m terrible at this kind of thing because I’m such a humble guy. (I almost choked). Actually, my ADD riddled brain has no idea how to respond to such things, and inevitably I blow a fuse.

    The feeling/s is mutual, and who knows, maybe one day we’ll be writing posts about how we’re getting a little bored with all this World Peace and such.

    Or maybe not…

  11. Happy Birthday, Boss.

    I’ve had enough cake, so I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the mystery of my sources…..

    And hope that you’ll come around to demonstrate some of those latent super powers.

  12. Here’s wishing you a Happy birthday as well!

  13. Happy Birfday, homeslice:)
    Yer Fellow Kilted Yacsman

  14. Sorry I’m late to the par-tee (nothing changes 4 me) so Happy unBirtday Bro! Cheers!

  15. 38 —- you must be the new Jack Benny…
    happy birthday guy — one day late — i was on no blog therapy yesterday and sorry i missed it

  16. It is astonishing the number of people who mention thumb screws to me.



  17. I knew we shared something besides a cynical sense of humor and it turns out to be the month of November as birth month. You’re pretty smart for a twelve year old and I know that cause I live with another one. We have fun and I hope you do too – under the bleachers or elsewhere!

    Many happy returns of the day 🙂

  18. Happy birthday ! Long may you run.

  19. Happy belated birthday, Fairlane!

    Thumbscrews are on the house.

  20. Happy belated birthday, Fairlane. And many, many more.

  21. D-Cup- In regard to the “Super Powers,” all I can say is, you and me both.

    You never know.

    And stop calling me “Boss,” I can’t stand Bruce Springsteen:)

    What do you think of the new look?

    Larry- Thanks L, you’re good people.

    JW- Where’s my present?

    “You eediot.”

    Coffee- Hell, I almost forgot myself.

    DCNY- You’ll have to explain the Jack Benny allusion. I don’t know much about the man.

    Ten- I imagine I won’t be the last, but I might be the first who actually uses them. I visit your neck of the woods every year or so.

    One of my best friends is a neighbor of yours.

    Susan- I may be “pretty smart” for a 12 year old, but at 38 I’m in trouble.

    November is a great month for human beings.

    Proud- I love that song. I’ll do my best.

    Morse- I knew I could count on you. Anyone who intentionally subjects themselves to Michelle Malkin, and that artificial boobed moron at “Atlas Shrugs” is definitely into Torture.

    Pissed- Back at ya.

    Thanks Everyone!

  22. Fairlane – Is the party over? Shit. I feel ashamed I didn’t post my well-wishes sooner. Fucking backyard leaves!!!!! Happy birthday, boss! Thanks for the send up on my own. 11/23 is the best day of the year, isn’t it?

  23. Well, happy belated birthday! Hope you enjoyed.

  24. Oh! Did I miss the party? Is there any cake left??

    Happy Birthday, kiddo! I hope you wished that Bush and Cheney would die in a flaming crash when you blew out your candles. That’s what I would have wished for.

  25. Spartacus, Mary, ME- Hell, this is Jonestown, and the party never ends.


    Yes, Sparta, 11/23 is a day of Saints or Satan.

    I guess it depends on whether or not you ask one of my ex-girlfriends.

    But as Jon Spencer said, “This is the part of the record where I’d like everybody to stand up, throw their hands in the air, and kiss my ass…because your girlfriend still loves me.”

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