Memes, Memes All Around, but Not a Drop to Drink
Alright, Okay, I Surrender! The memes are getting out of Fucking Hand.
My homeboy Randal (L’ennui melodieux) passed along yet another meme in my general direction (Accompanied by a fart I think. You know how those nasty French are with their insults, and body odor).
This one originates from the coolest, and hottest Nun in the history of Nunnery, (Mary Ellen at the Divine Democrat), and because I’m trying to garner the Favor of our Beloved Sister (Just in case she leaves the Convent, and decides to move to Louisville), I agreed to participate.
I’m required to come up with 5 classes (Actually 4) I’d take if I was allowed to create my own curriculum. The caveat is, I have to choose one of the classes from my Tagger’s List.
1) Better Living Through Time Travel–
This was one of Randal’s choices, and I must admit Time Traveling has always interested me (Some say it’s because I make a lot of Fucking Mistakes).
I have to make one alteration to Randal’s class, however, if that is allowed.
Simple time travel is not enough, and in my case it’s essentially useless. I’d never believe myself that I came back in time to correct a mistake, and would probably think I was having a Flashback. Even if I did believe it, within ten minutes I’d forget that I ran into my future self, and continue onward toward said mistake.
I want to be able to transfer the current me to a point in the past maintaining everything I know at this moment. In other words, I’d want to be able to go back, and actually re-live parts of my life (Not just the bad times either) with the knowledge I have today.
Of course the authorities might grow suspicious after I win the Power Ball fifteen times in a row, but what are they going to say?
“Look buddy, we know you can transfer your consciousness to any point in space/time.”
“Sure I can. As a matter of fact, I’m actually a Genie who lives in that can of Skoal in your back pocket, and I came here to grant you three wishes. First, I have a question. Will you be wearing a Tinfoil Hat in the courtroom when you testify?”
2) How to Murk Annoying Assholes Without the Worry of Getting Caught–
Who hasn’t considered at some point in their life-
“Damn, if I knew I could get away with it, I’d back my car over that Shitheel.”
Well, now you can!
This is one class I’d never skip, and I’d always sit in the front.
3) How to Make Your Dreams Into Reality- Without Any Effort (And We Mean Absolutely Zero Effort. You Don’t Even Have to Come to Class or Buy Some Lame Book)–
Anyone struggling with ADD knows the killer is not the inability to pay attention, it’s the inability to follow through on any of the ten thousand Ideas that bombard your skull on a daily basis.
In this class, Someone Else will learn how to turn Your Incredible Ideas into Money Makers, while you sit on the Couch debating if the time it takes to wash the dishes is worth it.
4) How to Get People To Stop Asking Stupid Fucking Questions–
People who say there are no Stupid Questions are Fucking Stupid.
Have any of you ever heard this one?
“I know this might be a stupid question, but…”
Yes, it is a Stupid Question, and Yes, you are a Dumb Shit!
Or what about this Gem?
“Damn, I have a Killer Headache, do you?”
Why the Fuck should my head hurt because your’s does you Self-Centered Ass Crack ? Are we involved in some Symbiotic Relationship that up until this point I was unaware?
If so, it’s your turn to do the dishes.
5) How to Get Other People to Be More Cooperative–
According to Jean Paul Sartre, “Other People Are Hell.” A major factor is, that for some unknown reason people are always doing what “They Want,” instead of what “I Want.”
This creates a great deal of unnecessary tension, and conflict. Not to mention constant disappointment.
Look, I understand you have to get to Work or to the Doctor’s Office, but I’m out of Smokes, and if you’d just pull your car/cars off to the side of the road until I pass we’d all feel better.
The world would run so much Smoother if people were more in tune with my Wants, and Needs.
I’m supposed to pass this meme to some innocent victim, but this thing has been passed around more than Jenna Bush at a Frat Party, and I think everyone has already been inflicted.
If you have not, and want to be, have at it.