Christmas greetings

Today I’m sending greetings to all my pals on the Christian Right. I thought they might appreciate some Bible verses.

To Pat Robertson:

“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, so that they can be seen by men…And in praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their many words.” (Matthew 6:5,7)

Do you think this only has to do with people long ago, or does it perhaps apply today to certain, er, prominent evangelists?

To James Dobson:

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3-5)

How about it? Got any lumber in there, buddy?

To Tim LaHaye:
“But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.” (Matthew 24:36)

Oops. Think maybe your novel-writing hobby has gotten out of hand?

To George Bush:

“Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.” (Matthew 25: 41-43)

Hmm. Not too encouraging.

And that’s just Matthew. There are three other gospels too.

Merry fucking Christmas, you bastards.


~ by cdash on December 25, 2007.

8 Responses to “Christmas greetings”

  1. Fuck Merry for Christmas.

  2. Merry Christmas and a Happy New year!

  3. Merry Happy Dash!

    Or is it, Happy Merry?

    I get confused.

  4. Just say “Jesus” a lot, and everything’ll be cool. Hope you and all the other lunatics around here had a groovy holiday.

  5. Mason Williams once wrote:
    “May all my enemies
    go to hell,
    noel, noel, noel, noel.”

    Sounds about right to me.


  6. Brilliant- fucking brilliant! Thank you and amen brother!

  7. Great post Dash. Happy New Year!

  8. I’m an atheist and even I dig this post. Wow. Spot on. A belated Merry X-mas and a (on-time) Happy New Year!

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