Put Down the Damn Television and Pick Up Your Life

fairlane1329.jpgSo Brittney’s drunk (Or fucked up on something), and in the news again.

Personally, I don’t give two shits about Brittney Spears, Paris Hilton, Fred Thompson or any of the other Celebrity Hacks.

If any one of those people got run over by a bus, well, that may provide some evidence of a “Supreme Being,” but other than that, Yawn.

What continues to Confound, Upset, and Frighten me is how these people manage to stay in the Spotlight despite the fact they are Talentless, Morally Repugnant, Utterly Boring, Severely Disturbed, and did I mention Talentless?

(Please don’t say that by writing about her I’m contributing in any way to her fame. I’m fairly certain that even if I never mention her name again, she will still be in the “news” until the day she finally admits she died ten years ago, and allows someone to start shoveling dirt over her living grave).

What in the Fuck is Wrong With You People?

Turn off the Goddamned Television.

Turn it Off.

Right Fucking NOW!


Brittney is an American. True Blue American.

She’s no different than the millions of Men and Women in this country who get up every morning, look in the mirror, and then reach for a bottle of Jim Beam or a handful of Xanax.

I know some people say they like to follow her because she’s “So Fucked Up.”

At least that’s what they tell themselves.

But the truth is, she’s familiar. The only difference between Brittney, and your husband, boyfriend/girlfriend, mom, dad, son/daughter etc is that she’s famous, and has more money than she can count (Actually she has more fingers than she can count).

“Even the Rich are Fucked Up. They are just like me.”

No Shit?

Why is it that so many Americans worship the Wealthy?

Surely we know by now that the “American Dream” is a Cosmic Farce, and that Wealth/Fame are in no way linked to Talent, Hard Work or whatever other bullshit they told us in Grade School.

Brittney Spears has (Or had) Firm Tits, and is willing to Parade Her Camel Toe so the world can satisfy its Lolita Fantasies from a Safe Distance.

Oh, and we love a good “Tragedy” don’t we?

The pending Train Wreck that is _________ (Insert Name) makes us feel better about our own Banal Existence.

What a Fucking Cliche!

It doesn’t make you feel better, and it sure as shit doesn’t change anything.

There’s simply no need to “Wonder” why things are the way they are.

It’s Fucking Obvious.

As Josie Wales said, “Dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’ boy.”

I know several women who are not only more attractive than Brittney (Honestly, I don’t find Brit the least bit attractive), but they are Extremely Talented, and…wait for it…Educated to Boot!

My ex is a fine example. She wrote an entire Ballet in her head while I was on the couch reading Dr. Seuss.

Ever heard of Her?



~ by fairlane on January 4, 2008.

18 Responses to “Put Down the Damn Television and Pick Up Your Life”

  1. Hey man, the teevee stays on this weekend. Thar be football to be seen.

    I read posts like this and cannot help but think that the assholes you are talking about, well, their vote counts just as much as ours. And people wonder why I assume the worst will happen in November. America is getting dumber, folks. Willingly.

    Prove me wrong, citoyens, prove me wrong.

  2. My fuckin computer caught on fire.

    Damn you fairlane.

  3. Well, fuck. My paradigm just shifted.

    You mean I shouldn’t worship the wealthy? They aren’t better than me?

    Next thing you know, you’ll have me believing that luck has something to do with celebrity.

  4. now, now … don’t be bashing xanax.

  5. GOD, I am so sick of these people. Have you ever heard her talk? She’s a moron! Who cares what she thinks? Who can prove she does think? And most of her kind are the same. Who are the pathetic, intellectually stunted assholes who fuel this celebrity worship?

    Sorry. I was already crabby about the Huckabee thing at the Iowa ruckus, and now this….

  6. You’re absolutely right. To be interested in them is to be them. Same fucked up narcissism, same fucked up values, same fucked up priorities. Same lack of anything resembling intelligence, reflective thought, or appropriate perspective.

    Turn off that motherfucking celebrity tabloid show and tune into Nova, Frontline, even Sesame Street for fuck’s sake!

  7. It’s the media. They need Britney. She’s easy to report and there’s always something. Sadly, the fascination will end when they kill her. Yes, she isn’t really talented and the make-up and good lighting account for a lot of her looks, but a lot of men and women in suits are making a lot of money off of her. And when they finally kill her, they’ll find someone else (like her sister). Parasites. So, now that we have our circuses, when do we get our bread?

  8. C’mon, Fairlane. How does the illusionist fool the audience ? Distraction. Therefore the proper description would be something Orwellian. Corp media have the job Bush has always claimed : “projecting the bullshit.”
    Didn’t see damnall about protests against media control in the ‘news’ did you.
    So gull the rubes with the usual – T&A.

  9. who exactly is Britney Spears?
    never heard of her…maybe i should ask my friends in the newsroom

    the celebrity worship/obsession is one of the primary reasons this country is falling apart faster than you can say “Laura Bush killed her boyfriend”

  10. Scarlet’s comment made me think of something that’s been pissing the shit out of me (sounds awful!) These seemingly unrelated subjects there, celebredumb and the presidential race, go hand in hand. Huckapoo’s popularity directly followed a blitz in press coverage. I do not believe it was the other way around, but what would I know, I get my TV from the internet.

  11. Oh, and how could you, fairlane?

    You misspelled Brittney’s name?

    And I tagged you….

    Running. Away.

  12. Frieda: EXACTLY. Thank you!


    SHE’S A HUMAN!!!!!!!!




    Hi fairlane 😉

  14. Fairlane, don’t you know that it’s cheaper for media outlets to stalk Brittney Spears than to get off their collective asses and do any real reporting? I would be willing to bet my paycheck that Brittney would LOVE it if the entertainment reporters and paparazzi would just leave her alone.

    The ONLY way to stop this is to get people to stop buying the tabloid press, stop watching Entertainment Tonight and all the other tabloid TV shows and complain to MSM every time they air one of these non-stories. Oh, and make a list of their advertisers and threaten to stop buying their products if they continue to support this shit.

    Money talks …


  15. fairlane,
    This is the first time I’ve visited your blog (saw it on The Devine Democrat blogroll). This post was such a pleasant surprise!

    You’ve hit on such a huge part of what ails the American citizens – we have been raised to worship the wealthy…

    MTV and The OC, Laguna Beach and that chick LC, Paris Hilton and drunk Lindsay… the queen of them all, our dear Britney.

    American Idol is the updated American Dream. Can Donald Trump really be as rich as he seems?

    We watch shows and read clips about how they’re just like me. But their collection of wealth makes sure that’ll never be.

  16. I don’t even watch any news media that have “news” about Brittney and her peers on it. My mom watches CNN all day and then complains about the stories they choose to discuss. I tell her to turn it off but she won’t!

  17. Come to think of it, I bet BlueGirlRedState would let you have her badge. All you need to do is think of this thread and you’ll know which one.

  18. Randal- If I were Emperor, they wouldn’t be allowed to vote.

    Remember that this upcoming election cycle.

    Dave- I hope you have insurance.

    DCup- This is just satire. We all know the people on television are our best and brightest.

    Why else would they be on television?

    Anita- My apologies. Xanax is a hell of a drug.

    Scarlet- In a way, (I’m not making excuses for her), she’s a victim.

    You’re right, she’s not very intelligent, and she was exploited.

    Suzi- Don’t forget Arnold. Bella and I love that show.

    Pissed- My sentiments exactly. It’s the same with sports stars. Yes, they make tons of money, but how much are their handlers making?

    Obscene amounts of money are made off of the talents of others.

    That’s not Capitalism folks.

    Opit- No doubt about it. Kind of like a Three Stooges routine.

    “Hey, what’s that over there?! WHACK!!”

    DCNY- Poor, poor Pickles.

    Not unlike Brit, she’s the walking fucking dead.

    Frieda- You’re right on with your observation.

    We all know this, but we fall in line.

    This is why I got into it with such and such on your blog.

    I told you, I don’t watch television. I’ve never met anyone named “Brittney/Britney” and I just went with what seemed correct.

    Scarlet- Thanks for piling on.

    Does that count as a threesome?

    I’d like to scratch that off my list of “Things to Do.”

    ME- I’m not sure what to say other than, Hi ME.

    BAC- I do what I can by not watching television.

    I’m not sure if Brit hates it or not. From what I read she encourages the Paparazzi to follow her, and shows off for them.

    She’s sick.

    Actually, anyone who wants to be famous is sick in my opinion.

    Jen- Welcome. Glad you enjoyed.

    We don’t really live in a Capitalist country, and the only way most of us can experience the “American Dream” is through someone else.

    Capitalism doesn’t discourage people from becoming successful. In America, that’s exactly what our version of capitalism does.

    The deck is stacked, and the American Dream is dead.

    Maui- Isn’t that funny, confusing, aggravating, nauseating?

    I know people who do the same.

    “This is bullshit. All they do is talk about bullshit. Who cares about this bullshit?”

    “Turn it off.”

    “Can’t. The sports scores are coming up next.”

    Oh, the irony of it all.

    Opit- I must admit, I’m confused.

    Who is BlueGirlRedState?

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