Jonestown Pays Tribute to the Wingnut Candidates

fairlane1329.jpgIn honor of the remaining Wingnut Candidates, Jonestown (And our Crack Team of Designers, Fabricators, and Russian Women We Purchased from the back of “Guns and Ammo”) designed a series of Baseball Hats we hope will assist them in getting out their Message.


Sure, some of Paul’s Rhetoric sounds reasonable, (Anti-War, Anti-Deficit, Anti-Big Brother, etc) until you realize the Lunatic wants to Essentially do away with the Entire Federal Government.

His, “No Soup for You” philosophy scares even Staunch Conservatives, many of whom live in States that would Dry Up, and Blow Away without the Federal Teat on which they Feed.

McCain compares himself to the Mythical Phoenix, as his campaign rose from the ashes, and is now reborn.

In a sense, McCain is correct. He did rise from the ashes, the ashes from The Great Fire of Rome in 64 A.D. .

Giuliani has made a Career out of 9/11 (That and looking like the Poison Symbol).

He evokes the memory of the Terrorist Attacks whenever possible, and has even held a Fund Raiser where Donors were asked to Give $9.11.

In a twist of irony, after consuming his “Message in a Bottle,” his supporters are often forced to dial 911.

Romney goes out of his way to Assure America his Crazy Ass, Racist, Multiple Wife Having, Alien Believing Religion will have no bearing on his Presidency.

If you believe that, you Probably also believe that his Sons are out “Defending America” by campaigning for him in a Winnebago.

“Mitt Romney- Coming to a Door Near You.”

Huckabee. What do you say about Huckabee?

Chuck Norris endorses him, he plays Bass, and he claims to have a Hotline Directly to Jesus like Commissioner Gordon had with Batman.

He mixes a Message of “Christian Values” (Fag, Muslim, Secularist, and Liberal Hating) with the Promise to Spend More Federal Money than the Chimperor Himself in order to return America to its “Glory Years” when it was a…Theocracy?

He also believes we need to build Really Big Fences to Keep the Pakistanis Out, and the AIDS Carrying Homos In.

If Hillbillies voted, he’d be a Shoe In.

Get it, “Shoe In?”

Hillbillies don’t wear Shoes.

Freddy, or Pee-Paw (As his children so lovingly call him) is even older than McCain.

Thompson’s Campaign, sans his Wife’s Water Bottle Tits, has about as much appeal as a Fixodent Commercial, but unlike a Fixodent Commercial, which only lasts 30 seconds, Thompson insists on Carrying on with His Campaign no matter how many times he has to Wake his Supporters, and remind them to Applaud.

*Thanks to Pissed in New York for pointing out that McCain is actually older than Thompson.

I should have been more specific. “Older” was another way of saying “Stale.”

At least McCain has a pulse, Thompson is straight out of that classic horror film “Dull as the Dead.”


I guess that about wraps it up.

Stay Tuned to this Channel because the Russian Babes are currently working on some Merchandise for the Democrats.

As you know, Bi-Partisan Disdain is Jonestown’s Official Motto.

“Damn Pickles, You Fucked Him Up Good!”


~ by fairlane on January 14, 2008.

19 Responses to “Jonestown Pays Tribute to the Wingnut Candidates”

  1. if huckleberry gets in, this is going to be the “summer white house”:

  2. Ha! Your right! Guiliani does look like the poison sign.

  3. I have not laughed this hard over some really fucked up candidates in a long, long, long time.

    Sheee- ite you are funny.

  4. I like the McCain hat the best. Think about it, whenever you see a guy go into the Presidency they look young and ready to go. By the time they leave, they look like they’ve aged 20 years. McCain already looks like he’s ready for the grave, could you imagine what he’d be like four years later?

    Someone really should wake Fred up before the election though so he doesn’t forget to vote for himself.

  5. laurence welk is way too hip for Fred. May I suggest Guy Lombardo?

  6. Must note, Thompson is actually younger than McCain. Yeah, how can you tell. What a gaggle of losers. Now let’s just hope that the democrats don’t snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

  7. Sure, some of Paul’s Rhetoric sounds reasonable, (Anti-War, Anti-Deficit, Anti-Big Brother, etc) until you realize the Lunatic wants to Essentially do away with the Entire Federal Government.

    After how badly Bushco fucked up the fed gov’t these last 7 years, one might think that would be a good thing. 😉

  8. Hey holmes,
    Too funny! Long time no hear eh? Man, I’d call now, but it’s like 1:00 am, so I’m gonna crash. Maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, I’ll put my buck-o-five in, since that’s essentially what it takes after adjustments are made for the cost of living and so forth to get my two cents worth.

    Every time I hear Huckabee’s name I just want to ask, “What’d you call me, sucka?!” But seriously, this wingnut hasn’t made up his mind yet…hmmm…still thinking….hmmmm…yeah, well, I’ll have to let you know. With a line-up like that can you blame me? (Don’t gimme any of that “only if you vote Republican crap either”)I’m still waiting for the dust to clear between Clinton and Obama. At least I know I WON’T be voting for those two. Maybe they’ll make next week’s moonbat line-up. I’ll be looking forward to that, homeslice. Okay, gotta go. I hear the Jello Pudding beckoning from the fridge and I’ve got a serious case of red eye. The pudding really helps sooth the burning, but usually, I just end up eating it.

  9. “Hey, what’s goin’ on on this side?”

  10. I tried to pick a fav. but damn, they are all just so fucking good. Huck said yesterday that he wants to change the constitution to fit god’s standards. Man, he sure won my vote with that statement. All these years I knew there was something wrong with the constitution but I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Now I know, we need more god in government. Yes alas, my eyes have been opened.

    Jesus christ, what a bunch of crazy people they found to put on the repub ticket. Two old farts, one who claims to be jesus’ bff. One who ties his fucking dog in a dog’s crate on the top of his car and sees nothing wrong with that. And the one person in the US who figured out how to capitalize on the worst day in the country’s history. Then there’s Ron Paul. I understand that if he wins and becomes the next president, he will walk into the oval office on day one, shut down the whole fucking govt. and be back home in time for lunch.

  11. None of these people (?) have done or shown that they are clearly ready to do anything other than upsize some ego for awhile! ; (


  12. er, uh, I meant to say “their ego” at our expense! ; (


  14. These suckers will sell! Get your account set up brother and rake in the dough. At least you’ll be set during the recession that leads up to the collapse. Money will be good until turnips are worth more.

    Good insightful political wisdom from the trenches, as always.

  15. That’s quite a gaggle of idiots is it not?

    I can only imagine if there is a God, he/she/it hides their face in shame whenever a Wingnut starts running off at the yap.

    I’m anxious to see the response after I do the Democrats, who are every bit as disappointing.

    And DED. Like I said, some of Paul’s comments are dead on, and sound reasonable, but if you look into him a little deeper you realize the guy is a fucking lunatic.

  16. I can hardly wait to see the Dems.

  17. Better get to the Dems fast since already there’s hardly any left… According to latest official reports Edwards has ceased to exist and Kucinich never did.

  18. Go Cletus! He’s My Man!

  19. […] anyone remembers, when I did my tribute to the Wingnut Candidates, I promised to do the same for the […]

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