Breaking News from Presidential Hopeful Senator John Mc Cain

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Senator Mc Cain Selects Running Mate

In a surprise move meant to alleviate concerns over his Advanced Age, GOP Hopeful John Mc Cain announced the selection of a Running Mate in a Brief Statement to the Media:

John McCain

“After an arduous process conducted by myself, and my team of ZZZZZZZZZzzzZZZZzzzzzz….Huh, mmmm, uh, uh, huh…..?

Who, wha’, where am I?

Oh, Right, right.

As I was saying, after a thorough search, we’ve found a Running Mate we believe will assuage this nonsense about me being Too Old To Be The President of the United States.

Before I announce my choice, let me assure you My Friends, Old Mad Dog (When Compared to an Egyptian Pyramid) is in Tip Top Shape, and this is in no way an Admission that I’m just a few years away from Age Induced Psychosis or that I’m incapable of changing my own Diapers.

Because, believe you me, I’m more than capable of Changing My Own Diapers, WOOF! WOOF! HOWLLLL!!!!

This is simply an opportunity to Silence My Critics once and for all.

I’m tired of the suggestion that I give up on being President, and instead focus on a Career as a Wal-Mart Greeter.

So, in response, I’ve chosen a Running Mate filled with the Vim, and Vigor of Teenager. And if, by chance, something does happen to Old Mad Dog, the country will be in her Taut Supple Hands.

What’s that? Did I say ‘Her?’

Damn Skippy I did.

Aside from being at the Peak of her Youthful Juiciness, (Hat Tip to Obama), she’s a She, a Skirt, a Broad, a Honey Pot, a Foxy Mama, Chick, Mademoiselle, Senorita, a Damsel, una Chiquita, a Hot Tamale, an Honest to Goodness Dame in the Flesh.

And let me Tell You Mister, she’s a Fine One at that, if you know what I mean, and once you get a Gander at her Gams, I’m sure you will.

Unfortunately, she is unable to be with us today, as she has a previous engagement, but her daughter, who also functions as her Legal Guardian, authorized me to release this Photo, so, without further adieu. ”

John McCain

“How you like them Granny Smith Apples?”

 

 

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~ by fairlane on March 6, 2008.

9 Responses to “Breaking News from Presidential Hopeful Senator John Mc Cain”

  1. It’s about fucking time we started smelling some apple pie over in the White House! She has Ye Goode Olde Family Values written all over herself, at least she did ’til her daughter took away that pen.

  2. I just hope the apple pie is as good as Aunt B’s, right Andy and Opie?

  3. So I see you got hung up on that whole “My Friends” thing, too. During his speech the other night, I just about popped a vein in my neck over the repetition of that phrase.

  4. i KNEW he was gonna pick Kay Bailey Big Hair Hutchison — i knew it, i knew it.

    questions — will Depends become the official “product” of the 08 election?

  5. If he wins the election and gives a state of the union address, we will be drunk as skunks if we drink every time he says, my friends.

    I think he’s gonna pick Lieberman if Hillary hasn’t already promised Lieberman a spot on her ticket.

  6. OMFG…He chose the Church Lady!!!!!

  7. Actually, if we can leave McCain behind, I’d be happy to vote for the church lady. She looks sweet, probably raised a family, knows the value of money and is kind to the neighbours. What else could you want in a President?

  8. She’s looking better than anything we have now.

  9. Frieda- I admit I enjoy the aroma of a nice apple pie (Although I won’t eat it), but when mixed with the overpowering scent of Ben Gay, the appeal is somewhat diminished.

    Randal- Have you seen Opie lately? Good lord, his head has it’s own atmosphere, and I think I saw a ring or three.

    DCup- They all have these moronic phrases they repeat incessantly.

    “Yes, we can!” “A lifetime of experience” etc.

    Fucking PUKE!!!

    DCap- I heard his other choice was David Vitter.

    Could you imagine the campaign slogan?

    “America’s Future Depends on Mc Cain and Vitter.”

    PoP- At this point, I don’t even care anymore. Aside from their obvious physical differences, I can’t tell these mother fuckers apart.

    Sparty- Could it be, SATAN?!!

    Susan- You may be onto something. If we’re going to elect someone who’s senile, why not?

    Mary- Maybe you and Susan can start a grassroots movement.

    I’d be more than willing to support you.

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