the Persistence of Memory
Here you go, Randal.
I painted this the year after Chimpy came into Office.
The Painting isn’t so great, but the image turned out to be rather Prescient.
This one still needs a lot of detail, but you get the gist.
I’m thinking of titling it-
“Chimpy of II- The Aftermath”
This one is almost finished.
After seeing this painting, the teacher in my art class said, “You’re really Weird, but that’s okay because so is your painting, and it fits.”
I’m not sure what it means when an Art Teacher tells you you’re “Weird,” but I don’t think it’s a Good Thing.
The Butterfly is a very important symbol in my life, as the two woman I truly loved were both Butterflies.
Being that one of my Totem Animals is the Wolf, this doesn’t necessarily bode well.
Wolves are obviously predatory animals.
Butterflies are difficult to Know/Approach, as they tend to be Aloof, Constantly on Guard, and Fragile.
When you try to touch a Butterfly, 99% of the time it will Fly Away.
Wolves actually share many qualities with Butterflies.
We too tend to be Aloof, and Guarded, and like the Butterfly, Wolves are often Misunderstood.
Many people view Butterflies as objects because of their Innate Beauty. We want to Possess it, and this is why people stick pins through them, and put them in Boxes.
Wolves are often viewed in the same way by Humans. What makes Wolves beautiful, in part, is the fact that they seem unapproachable, and this spurs our Desire for control.
But in moments of stillness, it is Possible to not only Approach them, but to have them approach you.
A Butterfly landing on your hand, for example.
What made my relationship with the Ballerina so Beautiful were these shared Qualities.
We were able to see one another.
And for a time, we Danced a Wonderful Dance.
But in the end, what made us Strong is what Tore us Apart.
Somewhere, during our time together, we became Lost or maybe we were already Lost, and our Love kept it at Bay, if only Briefly.
Each time I’d step Forward (Predatory), she’d take a step Back (Fragility).
The more this happened, the more I’d want her to Hold Still, but a Butterfly must Choose.
The time came when, at last, she did hold still, but by then I was the one Stepping Back, and was unaware, until it was Too Late.
I wrote this a few days after we Broke Up-
I do not know much about butterflies
I watch their wings flit in the sunlight
And as they jump from blossom to blossom I wonder if they have a home
A place to rest their wings and to protect them when the days grow cold
Or do they keep their beauty only for themselves?
Offering just a brief glimpse before they flutter away
Never letting anyone touch what only they possess
Or is that butterflies carry those they love with them and that
No matter how far they may seem to fly they are always there?
Because beauty cannot be held against its will
And the fingers at the end of your extended arm look too much like strands from the spider’s web
For butterflies must choose to love
And once they do they will always return
And only then will you know what it’s like to soar among the trees or across fields of red and yellow flowers
To at last be free
No, I do not know much about butterflies
But if you are ever willing to teach me
I would like to…
I’ve learned a Great Deal about Myself, and Life over the Last Two Years, and One Day…