Iraq War Blogswarm- March 19, 2008


Dead Kennedys

“We’ve Got a Bigger Problem Now”


I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not much for Patriotism. Love of a Nation/Government has always seemed far too Abstract.

I often find myself lost in the “logic” when someone attempts to explain why I should “Love” an Ethereal Entity that, more times than not, seems to be operating against My Interests, as well as the Interests of those I Love.

I refuse to stand when they play the Star Spangled Banner, and I have not recited the Pledge of Allegiance since Grade School.

To further prove how Un-Patriotic I am, I will now publicly admit, I don’t wear a Flag Pin.

I know, I should have warned you to send the children into another Room.

I apologize.

I won’t deny it, I’m a Bastard, and I probably don’t deserve all this Freedom we Americans so thoroughly enjoy.

But Life has it’s own Funny Ideas, and Here I Am.

In my ten months blogging, I’ve rarely, if ever, written about the War in Iraq or the almost Unfathomably Ambiguous “War on Terror.”

In fact, unless the War/Wars are brought up, I barely even think about them.

I have enough Ghosts to deal with in my Own Life, and I simply have neither the Energy nor the Enthusiasm to go off chasing someone else’s White Whale/s.

I told you I was a Bastard.

Didn’t I?

Moments after agreeing to participate in the Iraq War Blogswarm, I was suddenly overcome with the Realization,

“Fuck, what am I going to say? There’ s nothing funny or entertaining about War, so, Satire and/or Snark are definitely out. “

And then I thought-

“I could write about the Neo-Cons, and the Little Boner they’ve had for Iraq dating back to the 1990’s.”


That’s been said a million times.

“What about Bush, and his Administration using the Intelligence like Viagra to prop up that Little Boner?”


Been there, done that too.

And then it dawned on me about Five Minutes Ago,

When you set aside the Rhetoric, and Wade through the Flood of Propaganda, Who, in the End, is Responsible?

Ah, that’s a Real Bitch-

Yes, Chimpy, and his Girlfriends ached for this war, and yes, they called to Arms every Demon in the Nine Circles of Hell to assist them.

Like Children, they Lied, Spun, Manipulated, Pounded Their Fists, and Stomped their Feet because they didn’t just want it, they Needed It.

And like an Appeasing Parent, Congress Rolled Over Giving Junior the Blank Check to which he’s Grown Accustomed after decades of being Enabled by the Adults in his Life.

But that’s only part of the Story-

Isn’t It?

I still remember watching Junior Prance about the Rubble of the World Trade Center.

With Bullhorn in one hand, and Tiny Cock in the Other, Junior gave a Performance that was once Relegated to his Wet Dreams.

“At last…”

It was this moment that convinced me once, and for all-

Patriotism is Bullshit.

You see, unlike 95% of my fellow Americans, I was one of the Lowly 5% who remained Completely Unmoved by Junior’s Homo-Erotic Posturing.

Now, don’t get me Wrong. I’m not pretending to be one of those “Pre-Cogs.”

Nor do I base my decisions on Visions I have after fasting for Seven Days.

I’m too skinny to give up Food.

And I promise, I’ve never participated in a Sweat Lodge with a Navajo Shaman.

Never met a Navajo, much less a Shaman.

(Last time I was out West, I did have a White Guy try to sell me “Authentic Indian Beads” that were made in China).

The truth is, I was not impressed by Junior’s speech because I’m just not attracted to Dudes.

I find nothing wrong with people who are, but personally, I was repulsed by Chimpy Parading Around with Surrogate Phallus pressed firmly to his Lips.

My Repulsion was further exacerbated by the fact that I knew, the Man on the God Box, promising America Pie in the Sky, was a man who lived a Life Slathered in Mediocrity, and Ineptitude.

But Goddamn, America, as a Monolith, ate the Jism spewing from his Stainless Steel Cock (Probably made in China) like Jenna Jameson in Up and Cummers 10.

Gobble, Gobble, Slurp, Slurp-

America wanted Blood, and Junior wanted, at long last, for the World to recognize the Greatness within him that had somehow gone unnoticed his entire life.

And as Junior bathed in the Glory he believed he so Rightly Deserved, the World knelt before him, and Opened Wide.

“Drink Up Bitches,” he was overheard mumbling to himself.

Now, Here comes the part of the record people like to Skip Over-

America, I Hate to be the Bearer of Bad News, but Chimpy isn’t to Blame for this Madness, and neither is Blam Blam, or Tomdoleeza, or even Osama Bin Laden.

The Truth Is Undeniable, and the Truth is Extraordinarily Painful.

We weren’t Duped.

I’ll say it again, WE WERE NOT DUPED.

I know we want to believe we were, but it’s a Fucking Lie.

America, despite the Incessant Propaganda, you’re not as Stupid as you appear on Television, so, let’s cut the Shit.

We’re all Friends Here-

We knew who Junior was when he was Elected, and we knew who he was the Day He Stood on Top of the Crumbled Bones of 3000 Dead Americans.

He was, and has always been, an Impotent Lying Coward.

Yet, we Raised Our Hands in Unison, and Shouted, “Lead Us Oh Great Decider!!! Bring Us the Head of Alfredo Garcia, and the Beatles White Album!! Oh, and Throw In a Couple of Gift Cards from the Gap.”

Sure, sure, you Hate Him, Despise Him, Loathe Him.

Me too, as do most people I know.


Remember where we live, Remember who we are-

We vowed to “Never Forget” after 9/11.

Why is it we seem to Forget on a Daily Basis why 9/11’s happen?

This is Empire (God Forgive Me, I’m channeling George Will).

Where do you think the bottle that holds the Lotion you use to Jerk Off came from?

What about the Condom you used on old Johnny Roundeye last night?

The Soles of your shoes, the tires on your car, the plastic in your headphones, the base in the Campho-phenique you put on that Fever Blister?

Any Guesses?

That’s right, see, I told you, you are Smart.


Texas Tea, Black Gold, Bubbling Crude, Dino Juice…

You don’t think that Shit Grows on Trees do You?

And I know you don’t think Barely Literate Rednecks (Was that Redundant?) stumble upon it while out Huntin’ Up a Mess’a Vittles.

America’s Massive Hard On for all things Petroleum is why we are at War in the Middle East.

Don’t Believe Me?

Look around your Room.

Go ahead, I’ll wait.

I’ll even play along-

Let’s see-

CPU, Screen, Speakers, CD’s, DVD’s, Television, Blinds, Printer, Electrical Cords, Garbage Can, Telephone, 3 Pairs of Shoes, Bottle of Lotion…

I won’t even mention my Two Cars sitting outside.

America, we are our own Worst Enemy-

Our addiction guarantees Perpetual War, and there’s no way around it.

Again, I apologize, and I not only recognize, but respect the fact some will probably never Visit here again because this was supposed to be a Golden Opportunity to Blame the Wingnuts.

For what it’s Worth, I do blame them, but I can’t deny what’s sitting, literally, right in Front of Me.

It won’t let me.

The “War on Terror,” is a Misnomer.

What they really mean is the “War So I Can Purchase Ribbed Condoms (For Her Pleasure) in the Gas Station Bathroom.”

If we Honestly want Change in this World, We have to Buck Up, and accept what we spend so much time Avoiding.

We’re Junkies, and our lives are Inundated with the Junk, Smack, Horse, whatever your favorite Street Name might be.

And like all Junkies, we Live in Constant Denial blaming others for our Problem-

But in our Heart of Hearts, we Know the Truth…


The Truth Fucking Sucks-



~ by fairlane on March 19, 2008.

25 Responses to “Iraq War Blogswarm- March 19, 2008”

  1. Hello, Fairlane.
    Much like yourself, I have my own white whales to chase.

    My main concern after 9/11 was, “Goddamn! I am never going to hear the fvcking end of this.”
    It turned out to be much worse than I thought.

    I would be quite happy if there are still American troops in Iraq with a Democrat in the White House. Maybe that would make the Left STFU about it, and make the Right want to get the hell out of there.
    Never was one much for foreign policy, I suppose. Well, I’ve got that “Live and Let Live” crap, but who wants that for a foreign policy?

    But FWIW, I’ve come to the conclusion that the Left, with Steinam that can see only sexism (x3), and Sharpton who can see only racism (x3), and the Sierra Club that can see only alternative energy (x3), the Left is as batsh!t crazy as the Right, with Limbaugh, Dobson, Heritage Foundation, et al.

    To quote from Mel Brooks’ “History of the World, Part One:”
    Do you care if it falls?
    The Empire.
    Fvck it!

  2. I don’t have the gift of words and you know I agree.

    Sadly, through it all, I still never imagined people would turn a blind eye and continue to follow such idiocy, and not hold those responsible, not only for deaths of the Iraqis, but the slippery slope of bankrupting this country while they were at it. ; (

    No repercussions? Amazing! ; (

  3. Holy crap- once again you have managed to channel all this and write it so well, complete with brilliant graphics.

    My heart is broken every day, but more so today on this dark and evil anniversary.

  4. Are you saying – hiccup – that I have an addiction? I can – hiccup – quit any time I goddamn well desire.

    Hey, just think: once oil actually does become kind of scarce and since we’ve pussy-footed around with renewables won’t have anything to replace it, we can finally experience once of those post-apocalyptic war zones that seem so romantic in the movies.

  5. Fucking brilliant. And dead on. It’s all well and good to say we were duped and misled. But I remember those days after 9/11. I remember seeing opinion columns in the days before the war in Iraq started, promising we’d be in by March and out by September. Shit, I remember Bush suddenly telling us that Saddam Hussein was responsible and not being the only person to think “What the fuck is this maniac talking about?” But I remember even more the people who said he was right, that we had to protect ourselves, that it must be Saddam Hussein, that this war was just, that we needed to “pound those sand niggers into glass” just to be sure that 9/11 wouldn’t happen again. I’ve seen the violence towards Arabs and anyone who looks Arab–even Indians, and Mexicans, and Native Americans in the white fervor for a reckoning–pour out in scary mini-explosions.

    We weren’t misled. People wanted it. America wanted this war. They just didn’t think it would last this long and be this pointless. They didn’t think, in their righteous anger and swaggering superiority, that America could be brought so ruinously low by their ignorance. And I’m glad that so many have woken up in the last half-decade, even if many of them are now claiming that they never believed Bush in the first place.

    But what are they going to goddamn do about it?

  6. I have already fired up my electric shuttle craft.
    But you are right. I don’t know anyone who is prepared to trade what they think is comfort for a different future.
    People no longer beleive in anything.
    The cynicism is so deep and ingrained dreamers are fools or worse-radical!!!
    I have always spoken out acted out and generally disrupted the cattle line.
    Especially Big Oil and Tobacco
    That is exactly why i have a bullseye on my back…ask the ADA.

  7. This war won’t end until every person in the United States says no more war. Even with the strong majority of Americans who say they want this war to end, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. Maybe it will take a military draft to wake up our country, maybe it will take another one of Bush’s announcements that we’re going to war in Iran , like it or not. Maybe it will take marshal law to shake up this country…but in the end, we’re stuck in Iraq for many years to come.

  8. Fairlane and Mary Ellen:

    I really liked what you wrote. And Fairlane if you’re a bastard what does that make me?

    Look, if in 2002 Bush had addressed the nation and said “look we’re going to invade Iraq because of oil,because we’re in charge and that’s how we feel it’s best to move the chesspieces around the global board,” I wouldn’t have liked it. I would have protested. I probably would have ended up leaving the USA for tangential reasons, anyway. But I would have UNDERSTOOD.

    Why are the wars still going on? The Green Zone including embassy is in place. The US will control Iraq oil forever and the Afghani smack trade is good once again. Everybody who could profit did. It’s now just sadism and because despite the polls: AMERICANS LOVE WAR.

  9. Nicely done, Fairlane.

    Again, I apologize, and I not only recognize, but respect the fact some will probably never Visit here again because this was supposed to be a Golden Opportunity to Blame the Wingnuts.

    If it had only been the Wingnuts, we wouldn’t have gone in the first place. Too many others went along for the ride. But if people actually paid attention, the signs were there.

    Did any of you watch Colin Powell’s presentation to the UN to drum up support for the invasion? He never offered any proof that Iraq was doing what W claimed it was doing. He showed some illustrations of portable weapons labs and held up a vial of white powder that was supposed to represent anthrax. That should’ve been America’s first clue that something funny was going on.

  10. Forgot to add….

    When Ron Paul suggested that America’s foreign policy in the Middle East (protecting our oil interests) was to blame for 9/11, he was derided, even attacked, by his Republican colleagues. America has a long way to go before it comes around to your POV on this.

  11. Hmmm…I guess I better get off my high horse. Jeesh I think I should take my latest post down. You are so right.

  12. This post should be a must-read for all Americans. It’s so easy for us to bitch about the war without realizing how much more convenient are lives are because we have a government that fights for our excessive consumption needs. You’re right though, upside-down flag-waving protesters don’t want to hear that anymore than Redneck Patriots do.

  13. extremely good. //America, we are our own Worst Enemy-//

    Yessireee, Bob. And America can be it’s own best friend. What is it about America that we always seem to piss on our best friend???

  14. I pledge my allegiance to the Constitution (albeit from a distance now that the Shrub has wiped his ass on it repeatedly).

    The effing flag is NOTHING without the Constitution.

    If I’ve ever been proud of anything about this country, it was that Constitution.

    Which brings me full circle….

  15. Fairlane –

    Don’t sugar coat it, dude.

    And while I agree with you that the Iraq was is about OIL, what you did not say is that it is about keeping Iraq’s oil OFF the market. Scarcity is what keeps the price high.



  16. I have to come by here every day to remind myself that I am not the most cynical person in the world. You slay me, brother.

    While I agree with pretty much everything you said about the ultimate reasons we are in Iraq, I respectfully disagree about people being duped. Likely most of your readers weren’t duped. If we’re here, we are more likely to question authority. We do not idolize men who drive fast and turn left, we do not think that the confederate flag is cool. We (I) never voted for GWB, and we opposed war with Iraq all along. you’re absolutely right. We weren’t duped.

    But in our arrogance and our false sense of security, we never thought it could get this bad, and so most of us did nothing.

    I believe that a great many people were duped, however. Similar to Wilton Sekzer from the film “why we fight”, the father of Jason Sekzer who died in 9/11. He lobbied the military to have his son’s name put on a bomb that was dropped on Iraq. He, like many Americans believed what the administration was telling him. He believed that Iraq and 9/11 were linked. When he learned the truth, he was outraged and his whole opinion on the war changed. I think that if we had not had such a complacent Democratic party, press, and population, the truth could have gotten out much earlier and the political will would have been there to stop this while mess before it started.

    At least I have to tell myself that.

  17. Fairlane, I swear I didn’t read your post before writing my own, and it’s not nearly as good, but I hope, acknowledges that it is us who invest in a system which propagates, necessitates these actions. We are raping our earth as much as we are raping the Iraqi people for their oil, and I am deeply ashamed most days for that. The fact that I am not alone in that is somehow comforting, not in a complacency promoting way, but in an “Aw shit, we’ve got a problem and what are we going to do about it now kinda way,” though, I am not all that optimistic and think we won’t change until it’s too painful not to.

    For a class, back in ’92 I wrote a paper about addiction which I will one day re-type up and post , basically asserting that we live in a culture so ingrained with addiction that it is of no surprise that addiction is a problem people face, directly quoting George Bush, Sr. that we were successful in the Middle East in Desert Storm because we had an affordable barrel of oil. He. said. it. on. the. evening. news. Cheney just said that yesterday… essentially. Sure we are addicts and the wingnuts are not even the dealers. The oils companies are that, and they have their henchmen all over doing their bidding, and it will likely be an addiction that kills some or all of us. The recovery rates in addiction are remarkably low, really. Not impossible, but unlikely.

  18. “We knew who Junior was when he was Elected”

    I know I’m beating a dead horse here but Junior was never elected, he was selected and he outright stole both elections. Yes, we are to blame for not taking to the street in massive numbers to kick his ass to the curb. (Well, I tried to protest anyway.) But other than that: excellent post! How is it that you don’t drink the kool-aid?

  19. Dead on. And I must add to Tengrain’s comment. For those fools who thought that invading Iraq was done to secure our access to oil, why has the price of gas more than doubled? It wasn’t about us, it was always about them…controlling the access to oil so that they can continue to reap huge profits at everyone’s expense. I could talk about how the money could have been better spent on universal health care, investing in alternative energy, etc., but the money has been spent and the opportunity to do it is gone. I hope that somehow things can be turned around, but I am not certain. And one final note: like many New Yorkers who had to see the smoke and smell that smell after the towers went down, I was not impressed or heartened or whatever the fuck else we were supposed to feel when W had his bullhorn moment. All I thought was we were fucked. I’m tired of being a Cassandra.

  20. You know sometimes I just like to fantasize about your setting up those Barbies to take naked pictures of them. I’m just sayin’.

  21. EXCELLENT blogswarm entry.

    You know my philosophy of pandemic destruction, fairlane. People choose stupidity because humanity consistently acts in the interest of its own self-destruction. There will always be some manifestation of this. Bush’s ascendancy to the Imperial Presidency is just one incarnation.

    We Do It To Ourselves.

  22. I wanted to write the truth. Not just for the readers, but for myself.

    I don’t like Kool-Aid. I mostly drink water, and on occasion some juice or a nice wine/ale.

    Kool-Aid makes me wretch.

    Thanks for the comments, visits, and for having the depth to see beyond the obvious.

  23. fairlane, you said it all and I can only say one thing to add to all the other comments: I love you.

  24. I refuse to do all those things as well. Haven’t in years. Don’t really see the point in them or flags or jingoisms…

    Patriotism is a crutch for the weak, in my opinion.

    Fine addition to the Mar 19 Swarm!

  25. What can I say, dude? Nailed it? Someone said that. Must read? Saw that one, too. You’re right on? Ditto. Thanks? Well, that just goes without saying.

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