Iraq War Blogswarm- March 19, 2008
“We’ve Got a Bigger Problem Now”
I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not much for Patriotism. Love of a Nation/Government has always seemed far too Abstract.
I often find myself lost in the “logic” when someone attempts to explain why I should “Love” an Ethereal Entity that, more times than not, seems to be operating against My Interests, as well as the Interests of those I Love.
I refuse to stand when they play the Star Spangled Banner, and I have not recited the Pledge of Allegiance since Grade School.
To further prove how Un-Patriotic I am, I will now publicly admit, I don’t wear a Flag Pin.
I know, I should have warned you to send the children into another Room.
I won’t deny it, I’m a Bastard, and I probably don’t deserve all this Freedom we Americans so thoroughly enjoy.
But Life has it’s own Funny Ideas, and Here I Am.
In my ten months blogging, I’ve rarely, if ever, written about the War in Iraq or the almost Unfathomably Ambiguous “War on Terror.”
In fact, unless the War/Wars are brought up, I barely even think about them.
I have enough Ghosts to deal with in my Own Life, and I simply have neither the Energy nor the Enthusiasm to go off chasing someone else’s White Whale/s.
I told you I was a Bastard.
Moments after agreeing to participate in the Iraq War Blogswarm, I was suddenly overcome with the Realization,
“Fuck, what am I going to say? There’ s nothing funny or entertaining about War, so, Satire and/or Snark are definitely out. “
And then I thought-
“I could write about the Neo-Cons, and the Little Boner they’ve had for Iraq dating back to the 1990’s.”
That’s been said a million times.
“What about Bush, and his Administration using the Intelligence like Viagra to prop up that Little Boner?”
Been there, done that too.
And then it dawned on me about Five Minutes Ago,
When you set aside the Rhetoric, and Wade through the Flood of Propaganda, Who, in the End, is Responsible?
Ah, that’s a Real Bitch-
Yes, Chimpy, and his Girlfriends ached for this war, and yes, they called to Arms every Demon in the Nine Circles of Hell to assist them.
Like Children, they Lied, Spun, Manipulated, Pounded Their Fists, and Stomped their Feet because they didn’t just want it, they Needed It.
And like an Appeasing Parent, Congress Rolled Over Giving Junior the Blank Check to which he’s Grown Accustomed after decades of being Enabled by the Adults in his Life.
But that’s only part of the Story-
I still remember watching Junior Prance about the Rubble of the World Trade Center.
With Bullhorn in one hand, and Tiny Cock in the Other, Junior gave a Performance that was once Relegated to his Wet Dreams.
It was this moment that convinced me once, and for all-
Patriotism is Bullshit.
You see, unlike 95% of my fellow Americans, I was one of the Lowly 5% who remained Completely Unmoved by Junior’s Homo-Erotic Posturing.
Now, don’t get me Wrong. I’m not pretending to be one of those “Pre-Cogs.”
Nor do I base my decisions on Visions I have after fasting for Seven Days.
I’m too skinny to give up Food.
And I promise, I’ve never participated in a Sweat Lodge with a Navajo Shaman.
Never met a Navajo, much less a Shaman.
(Last time I was out West, I did have a White Guy try to sell me “Authentic Indian Beads” that were made in China).
The truth is, I was not impressed by Junior’s speech because I’m just not attracted to Dudes.
I find nothing wrong with people who are, but personally, I was repulsed by Chimpy Parading Around with Surrogate Phallus pressed firmly to his Lips.
My Repulsion was further exacerbated by the fact that I knew, the Man on the God Box, promising America Pie in the Sky, was a man who lived a Life Slathered in Mediocrity, and Ineptitude.
But Goddamn, America, as a Monolith, ate the Jism spewing from his Stainless Steel Cock (Probably made in China) like Jenna Jameson in Up and Cummers 10.
Gobble, Gobble, Slurp, Slurp-
America wanted Blood, and Junior wanted, at long last, for the World to recognize the Greatness within him that had somehow gone unnoticed his entire life.
And as Junior bathed in the Glory he believed he so Rightly Deserved, the World knelt before him, and Opened Wide.
“Drink Up Bitches,” he was overheard mumbling to himself.
Now, Here comes the part of the record people like to Skip Over-
America, I Hate to be the Bearer of Bad News, but Chimpy isn’t to Blame for this Madness, and neither is Blam Blam, or Tomdoleeza, or even Osama Bin Laden.
The Truth Is Undeniable, and the Truth is Extraordinarily Painful.
We weren’t Duped.
I’ll say it again, WE WERE NOT DUPED.
I know we want to believe we were, but it’s a Fucking Lie.
America, despite the Incessant Propaganda, you’re not as Stupid as you appear on Television, so, let’s cut the Shit.
We’re all Friends Here-
We knew who Junior was when he was Elected, and we knew who he was the Day He Stood on Top of the Crumbled Bones of 3000 Dead Americans.
He was, and has always been, an Impotent Lying Coward.
Yet, we Raised Our Hands in Unison, and Shouted, “Lead Us Oh Great Decider!!! Bring Us the Head of Alfredo Garcia, and the Beatles White Album!! Oh, and Throw In a Couple of Gift Cards from the Gap.”
Sure, sure, you Hate Him, Despise Him, Loathe Him.
Me too, as do most people I know.
Remember where we live, Remember who we are-
We vowed to “Never Forget” after 9/11.
Why is it we seem to Forget on a Daily Basis why 9/11’s happen?
This is Empire (God Forgive Me, I’m channeling George Will).
Where do you think the bottle that holds the Lotion you use to Jerk Off came from?
What about the Condom you used on old Johnny Roundeye last night?
The Soles of your shoes, the tires on your car, the plastic in your headphones, the base in the Campho-phenique you put on that Fever Blister?
That’s right, see, I told you, you are Smart.
Texas Tea, Black Gold, Bubbling Crude, Dino Juice…
You don’t think that Shit Grows on Trees do You?
And I know you don’t think Barely Literate Rednecks (Was that Redundant?) stumble upon it while out Huntin’ Up a Mess’a Vittles.
America’s Massive Hard On for all things Petroleum is why we are at War in the Middle East.
Don’t Believe Me?
Look around your Room.
Go ahead, I’ll wait.
I’ll even play along-
CPU, Screen, Speakers, CD’s, DVD’s, Television, Blinds, Printer, Electrical Cords, Garbage Can, Telephone, 3 Pairs of Shoes, Bottle of Lotion…
I won’t even mention my Two Cars sitting outside.
America, we are our own Worst Enemy-
Our addiction guarantees Perpetual War, and there’s no way around it.
Again, I apologize, and I not only recognize, but respect the fact some will probably never Visit here again because this was supposed to be a Golden Opportunity to Blame the Wingnuts.
For what it’s Worth, I do blame them, but I can’t deny what’s sitting, literally, right in Front of Me.
It won’t let me.
The “War on Terror,” is a Misnomer.
What they really mean is the “War So I Can Purchase Ribbed Condoms (For Her Pleasure) in the Gas Station Bathroom.”
If we Honestly want Change in this World, We have to Buck Up, and accept what we spend so much time Avoiding.
We’re Junkies, and our lives are Inundated with the Junk, Smack, Horse, whatever your favorite Street Name might be.
And like all Junkies, we Live in Constant Denial blaming others for our Problem-
But in our Heart of Hearts, we Know the Truth…
The Truth Fucking Sucks-