Bring on the Unshaven Women

Sigur Rós – Ágætis Byrjun

I liked it better when I could Fuck you, and send you on your way

But now you


On nesting beneath the shelves

Like some Sparrow Mother

Unable to see the Wolf looming in the


I am not your

Friend, and

We do not have a Future

Who the Fuck do you think I


Errol Flynn?

Forget that Romantic Hero Shit

I’m a Villain

Straight Up

I don’t care about your Pending Eggs


Your Dream Home Fantasies

Save it for your Therapist

What’s her name again,


I wrote that when I was 22.

At the height of my Piggishness, I was Simultaneously dating a Married Woman, my ex-Girlfriend’s Best Friend, and the ex of the Bass Player in one of my friend’s Bands.

I won’t lie. It was Fucking Sweet, and I loved every Single Minute.

“So, what’s it like having a Harem?”

“What the Fuck you think it’s like?


I guess I’m supposed to apologize for being a Pig, but I won’t, because I’m not sorry.

I was young, and I did what I wanted, or at least what i thought I wanted.

I won’t even justify my actions by saying the Married Woman was in the process of leaving her husband before she ever met me, and that my presence gave her the Final Push.

It didn’t have to be me.

And what about my Ex’s Best Friend?

Her friend was Fucking Hot, and I’d always wanted to “Date” her, and when I got the chance, we Dated like Crazy.

To this day, as far as I know, she (My Ex) is unaware.

The Married Girl was the only one I truly Cared about, and I imagine if she had not been Married…

But anyone in “The Know,” knows Affairs simply don’t Work.

After all, this isn’t Television, and I’m not Corbin Bernsen.

She called me about a year and a half ago (After Ten Years) to tell me she still Thinks About Me, and that she’s never Loved Anyone the way She Did Me.

To say the least, it was Strange.

Unfortunately, the Ballerina, and I had just broken up, and I wasn’t able to return the Sentiment.

The strangest thing was, She Got Mad.

She couldn’t believe I’d met someone (After Ten Years) whom I Loved More Than Her.

How could I be such a Bastard?

It’s Funny, all the Faux Outrage in this World.

“How could this Happen? How could you do this to Me?”

Why, I bet someone reading this is thinking,

“How could you Objectify Women in such a Way? You are a Bastard!”

Eh, Fuck You too.

As Frank White said,

“I never got away with anything, and I never killed anybody that didn’t deserve it.”

During my custody battle with Bella’s Mother, she told me, in an Attempt to cut me down to size,

“You’re getting old, you’re going bald, and your days of Dating 20 year olds are over.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you’re a Fucking Cunt. I can always get a Hairpiece. All the fake hair in the World can’t cover that Void you call a Personality.”

(She singlehandedly destroys the Myth that Women are the “Nurturers.”)

But she was/is right-

My days of Matching the Names with the “Faces,” are Over.

“Erika? No? Wait, can you turn a little more to the Left? Ah, now I remember.

But it’s not because I “Can’t.” (I Fucking Hate being told I “Can’t.”)

I choose not to because, I don’t Want too.

I’m almost 40 years old, I have a daughter, and a Real Life (Kind of), why the Fuck would I be interested in Dating a 20 year old?



It’s exhausting enough raising Bella, I don’t have the Energy for any Side Projects.

You see-

an Old Dog can Learn New Tricks (No Pun Intended?)

I’ve noticed, as of late, there’s a lot of talk about “Feminism” on the Intertubes, or at least what’s called Feminism.

Now, don’t get me wrong, just because I’m a Pig doesn’t mean I look down on Women or view them as Inferiors.

In fact, I’d say my Fascination with Women is, in part, due to my Belief that if anyone can save Us (The Human Race), more than likely She’s a She.

But, unfortunately, we live in a Culture that goes out of its way to strip Us of anything Remotely Resembling Humanity, and instead we’re left with these Shells that serve as nothing more than Echo Chambers for our Various Rages.

“Men are Pigs!”

Go Ahead, Shout it from the Highest Mountain.

Are we Even now?

Will it make you feel better if, I agree?

We are Pigs, but, you know what?

We’re all Pigs-

I often wonder what the Numerous “Movements” in this Country are really trying to Accomplish.

Take, since we’re on the Subject, the “Feminist Movement.”

What exactly do So-called “Feminists” want?

For our Corporate Culture to Cease Objectifying Women?

Equal Pay?

The Opportunity to Fuck anything that Moves without Judgment?

(Hear, Hear!)


Seriously, What?

Do they Wish to be like Men?

Isn’t that, Ultimately, what we’re talking about?

“I want the same Power men Have!”

Whenever we talk about “Equality” in America, invariably it Comes Down to Money/Power.

Everyone wants a Piece of the Mythological Pie.

As a Man, I’m more than willing to share a Slice of My Personal Shangri-La.

But you better have your Check Books handy because they Repossessed my Life of Living “Comfort Eagle” before I even had a Chance to Enjoy It.

Yep, Shangri-La is in Foreclosure.

What if there is no Punch Line?

What if the “Cosmic Joke” is-

There is No Joke?

How Fucking Cliché-

I read on a “Progressive” Blog today that “White Heterosexual Men” are responsible for the Majority of the Ills in the World.

While an argument, a very narrow argument, could be made to support such a claim, there’s one Hitch.

I’m a “White Heterosexual Male,” as are many people who read Jonestown, as well as the Blog calling out “White Heterosexual Men.”

What about Us?

Are we excluded from this Sweeping Generalization or are we Guilty because, we too, have a Dick that happens to be “Whitish” in Color?

The thing that Strikes me as Funny about all this is, the Reaction from “White Heterosexual Men.”

They Buy this Garbage because, Apparently, they seem to Believe acting like a Compliant Weenie is a Sign that they’re a “Nice Guy.”

Fuck That.

I’ve read Numerous Comments from “Progressive” Males attempting to Appease the “Fairer Sex,” by Acknowledging-

“You’re right, we are Pieces of Shit, and on Behalf of All Men, I Humbly Apologize, and Offer Myself in Sacrifice.”

In my Experience, Women are turned off by Pronating Men, which serves as a Fine Example of the Catch-22 of Being Male.

On one hand We are Vilified for being “Aggressive, Dominating, Oppressive, etc,” and on the other, We’re Marginalized for being “Too Nice” because it implies We’re “Weak.”

Damned if We Do, Damned if We Don’t-

I’m not going to argue about the Horrors the “White Male” has Inflicted on the World.

What’s the Point?

What I will Argue is, that in the End, it’s not a “White Male Problem,” as much as it a “Human Problem.”

As I said, all these Movements in America-

What is it they Really Want?

Let’s say “Feminists” got their way, what then?

Would Women (Specifically “White Women,” since the “Feminist Movement” is almost Exclusively WHITE. Oh, and Middle/Upper Class. Is that you Irony?), take on the Role of the Dreaded “White Man?”

Of course not, Women are Innately “Kinder, Gentler, More Nurturing” than Men.

Isn’t it Funny?

Stereotypes are WRONG, unless, there’s some Positive Connotation to the Stereotype.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve met Numerous Women (Bella’s Mother comes to Mind) who are anything but Kind, Gentle or Nurturing.

I’ve been Completely Dogged by Women on several occasions, as have all of my Male Friends.

The Ballerina once told me-

“You listen to me like you Actually Give a Shit about what I have to say.”

“I Love You. Isn’t that what I’m Supposed to Do?”

To show Her Appreciation, she Broke Up with Me, and about a year later started dating a Guy, who in Her Words,

“Has a well deserved reputation for being an Utter Pig.”

Well, fairlane, you said, at one time, your were a Pig-

Yes, but I was 23, not 37.

Are you saying you have no Skeletons? You were birthed from Pure Orthodoxy?

How many Women reading this Post (If you’re still here) have used someone else in your life?

All of You.

Is it somehow different because you’re not a “White Male,” and are Merely a Victim of the “White Man’s” Oppressive Culture that Distorted your Little Mind?

Sure you are, but so is the “White Man.”

We’re all Fucked Up, we’ve all been Used, Lied To, Manipulated.

All of us have been Force Fed Distorted Images of Reality since the day we were Born, and it’s Damaged All of Us.

In a recent conversation on another blog, I was told (By someone I respect) that the Countless Women who not only Support this Criminal Administration, but Actively Participate in it, are Ultimately not Responsible because, in Essence, They’re Victims, and don’t Really Know What They’re Doing-

Isn’t that Presumptuous?

  1. Right Wing Women cannot Think for Themselves-
  2. Women who are Right Wing are Anomalies-
  3. Women are Incapable of Being Hateful, Greedy, Selfish, Remorseless, Unless, Hypnotized by the White Svengali-
  4. Any “Real Women” would support Animal Rights, Environmental Regulations, Multi-Cultural Equality, and All Around Lovedness for every Single One of God’s Precious Creatures
  5. Women are innately “Liberal”- Kind, Loving, Generous, Open Minded, Accepting, etc (Again, Positive Stereotypes are Applicable)


Anne Coulter may be Ignorant as Fucking Broomhandle, but she’s not Stupid. She knows Exactly What She’s Doing-

Getting Rich!

And what about Old Whitey Hisself?

I mean, He lives here Too-

Was he Hypnotized?

As a person schooled in Sociology, I’d say, Yes, without a Fucking Doubt.

My poem at the beginning of this post was, Angry-

But I wasn’t Angry with the Women in my Life, or the Women yet to be in my Life.

I was Angry because, like many People I imagine, I had no Fucking Idea what I was doing, and more importantly, Why I Was Doing It.

So, I Rationalized, Justified, Blamed-

And this is the same Behavior I see in many of these “Movements.”

Blame, Rationalize, Justify-

That’s not to say Women/Minorities are not Hurt, Used, Oppressed in this Country, and throughout the World.

Only a Fucking Asshole like No Slappz makes such Assertions.

It’s Wrong, and it Galls Me to know (I do have a Daughter) to see Women being Objectified, and Treated like Chattel.

But Women, Blacks, Mexicans, etc are not the Only Ones-


And by “WE,” I mean even WHITEY-

You think Chimpy, and Pickles are Happy?

Look at them-

He’s one of the Most Despised Men in the World (Possibly Ever)

And what about Pickles?

Can you say-

She looks like she Left this Reality Long Ago.


Poor Chimpy has nothing other than his Fragile Ego on which to Rely.

Remember, this is who Raised Him-

A Woman said that.

Imagine Little Chimpy running home to Mommy after crashing his bike-

“Chimpy, I don’t have time to worry my Beautiful Mind with your Boo Boos, and Ouchies. Buck Up, you Little Pussy.”

Chimpy was Created.

Sucks doesn’t it?

It Sucks to Look at Someone We Despise, and Realize that, just like Us, He’s-


When he was a Child, who Comforted Him,

That Cold Bitch?

His Absent/Detached Father?

If you want to create a Sociopath, there’s No Need to Lay a Single Finger on Them;

Enable Them, Excuse Them, Ignore Them

Chimpy has never been Accountable for Anything in His Entire Life-

Mommy, and Daddy have Bailed His Ass Out Time, and Time Again-

Maybe it’s because, Deep Down, they do Love the Little Fucker, but I Doubt that’s the Main Motivation.

Chimpy’s Incessant Failures are Embarrassing.

He’s a “Bush,” and the Bush’s are “Winners.”

But Chimpy isn’t a Winner, he’s a Douchbag Frat Boy with the Intellectual Curiosity of a Paper Clip.

But who’s Fault it that?

Is Chimpy Innately Stupid, or was He Encouraged to be Incurious?

Let’s be Honest, if Chimpy ever started asking Questions, he might have a Few for Babs the Impaler, and we can’t have that-

After all, she has to Protect Her “Beautiful Mind.”

What I’m getting at is, this-

We’re all in this Together, and We All Suffer.

Even Chimpy, and Pickles.

Hell, Even Babs.

Men are given Distorted Messages as well.

Throughout our lives we are told Directly and/or Indirectly that we are to-

Always Be in Control

Always Have the Answer

Never Be Afraid

Hold Back Our Emotions (Don’t want people thinking you’re a “Fag”)

Be “Assertive” (But really they mean Aggressive)

Forever Pursue because Women like/desire/need to be Pursued

Succeed at all Costs or No Woman will want us, at least not one worth Having

If Women are Rewarded for their Tit Size, Men are Rewarded for Being Emotionless Bastards.

Vulnerability can get a Man Killed,


But do you think the Average Man wants it that way?

We are Taught, just as Women are, that this is the way things are “Supposed to Be.”

Not because we live in one of the Most Dysfunctional Societies in Human History, but because it’s


Sure, there are some truths in that Statement.

Men are, in General, larger, and more Muscular than Women, so, if it comes down to Brass Tacks

“You have the Big Biceps, you get out there, and Lift that Tree Branch.”


“You go to War.”

Obviously, that doesn’t mean Women are incapable of doing those things, but all things being Equal, it makes Sense for Men to do it, if they’re Able.

Just as Women carry our Children, and that, One Would Think, Creates a Bond that Men don’t Have.

But, that doesn’t mean Men cannot Love their Children as much, or even More, than Women, and it doesn’t mean All Women bond with their Children.

Look, I’ll be the First to Admit-

I Love looking at Women.

I Love their Curves, Their Faces, the Shape of Their Eyes.

I Fucking Love Women.

I was Raised by Women.

But that doesn’t mean I think they’re nothing more than Pussies with Legs.

We’re (Men) Visual.

That, in part, is Evolution. We are Animals, and Animals procreate or they DIE.

Attractiveness, whatever that means to an Individual, is Important.

It implies “Good Genes.”

All Animals rely on Physical Attributes to some Degree when it comes to Choosing a Mate.

Have we Taken it Too Far.

Fuck Yes We Have.

But I promise, Women can be just as bad.

If I go to the Mall Unshaven, in my torn jeans, dirty Ass Yankees Hat, and my Twelve Year Old Vans, do you think the Average Women is going to Say/Think-

“Look at that Dreamboat. I bet he’s a Talented Writer/Artist, and I bet he’s a Great Father?”

Fuck No.

She’s going to Think/Say-

“Look at that Dirty, Broken Down Mother Fucker. Who in the Fuck would date Him? He probably doesn’t even have a Car, and if he does, he probably lives in the Damn Thing.”

So, I’ll ask again-

What is it “The Movement” People want?

A Chance to be like “Them?”

You want to be a Man?

You think We “Have it Made?”

We get the “Good Jobs,” and all the “Perks,” and we’re the ones Rewarded for our Hard Work, and Talents.

I’ll introduce you to some of the most Talented People you ever met who live, every day, at the Edge of Oblivion, and no Gives Two Shits whether they Have a Penis or Not.

You want the “Power?”

Should it be your Boot Stamping on Another’s Face because you’re “Righteous,” and Know who Really Deserves It?

Or is it more Base than that-

Is it that You/Me/We Believe if the World would Simply Go Along with What We Want, we’d Finally Be Happy?

Because, as I’ve said before-

Anyone who believes they Can Save the World is,

A Goddamned Fool.

If we all Focused on Saving Ourselves, in the end, We’d Save One Another.

I apologize to all the Linear Thinkers out there.


~ by fairlane on April 19, 2008.

49 Responses to “Bring on the Unshaven Women”

  1. The reality is that despite white men who fuck things up and the poor nurturing women who suffer in silence – most human beings are hopeless, frightened narcissicists with fragile egos and a well of needs deeper than the sea.

    And this from a generally optimistic person.

    All I can say is that you have to start with who you are and where you are fucking at. Period. Stare your ugly inner motherfucker down and go from there.

    Stop blaming shit on other people, at least attempt to stop having unrealistic needs and expecations from others and be honest about who you are.

    People who are at peace with their ugly inner mo-fo are ahead of the game. Not egotistical narcissicism. Nope. Just plain acceptance for starters.

    That’s why I am working on it. You- you may be there.

    More kool-aid please.

  2. Ah, where to start fairlane? If there’s one thing I get out of this post– and it’s something I’ve said and said and said, and nobody listens to me but maybe they’ll listen to you because you say it better–is that people are, in the final analysis, individuals. I don’t want to be judged based on my gender or whatever. I want to be seen as MYSELF. I am female, and that’s part of who I am. It’s not WHO I am in its entirely.

    White males have been good to me. Some of the biggest boosts I’ve gotten in life have come from white men. I can’t overlook that. Some of the women in my life have been like poison. And vice versa. It’s INDIVIDUALS who have impacted my life, for better or for worse.

    Women who look to men for validation are looking in the opposite direction. You can’t get that from another person. Same for men.

    To me, your poem speaks of resentment. What do you want from me? A beast of burden?

    What do you want from me? A trophy wife? An object to show off to your friends? She’s smart, she’s purty, she walks, she talks, she does dishes. Perfect, no? No.

    I think Madonna said at least one smart thing in her life, and that was when Oprah asked her what she would teach her daughter about me. Her answer was something like, “If I teach her to respect herself, what do I have to teach her about men?” I know, I know. It’s Madonna. But the sentiment has a ring of truth, doesn’t it?

    Were you a pig? I don’t know. We were all young once. I’m not exactly proud of my younger self. I wish I could be as accepting of that self as you are of yours. I admire your honest assessment of yourself, providing it’s accurate, because how many people can do that? How many people just rationalize their behavior?

    As for feminism, here’s what I said on Utah’s blog just today: Thanks to simpletons like Rush Limbaugh who have to oversimplify everything in order to understand it, the idea of feminism has been simplified to the point that people think feminist means one particular type of woman. That’s bullshit. If I call someone a capitalist, does it mean he/she is a Robber Baron? Are there no variations?

    I am a feminist, but I am my own kind of feminist. Just like Rush Limbaugh is his own kind of effing backwoods asshole. I won’t have him or anybody else defining me.

    I am also a mother to two males, so I’m a masculinist, too, I think?

    Most of all, I hope I’m a humanist.

    I don’t want to be a man. I like being an Empress.

  3. Also, good post, Emp.

  4. Also, hair is overrated.

  5. Hmmm. A lot to think about.

    As you already know, my entire life philosophy is based on my belief that humanity is a scourge, that people suck, and that good people who actually give a fuck about anything important are the exception, not the rule. People are selfish and act out of selfishness.


    I AM a feminist and I don’t give a fuck about some myth of being like men or having what men have or any such bullshit. I am not ashamed to call myself a feminist, nor am I ashamed to call myself an atheist or even sometimes a humanist. I’ve been in that place of rejecting labels and “isms” and it doesn’t work. We have language in an attempt to communicate more universally, so sometimes I use those terms that are generally accepted as representing something that is similar to what I believe in – I’m in my 30’s now and I had to get over that “I’m not going to label myself as anything because I’m special and that doesn’t accurately define me” crap. I grew up and realized that if I care about changing laws that sentence marijuana users to more prison time than rapists, maybe I better try to get along with others in order to do something about it. I don’t buy in to some feminist agenda, but I do buy in to feminist principles. Those are different things to different people. Just because I care about women’s issues does not mean that I don’t care about men’s issues, or children’s issues, or race issues, or human issues, or animal issues. I don’t see it as a competition, but all part of the same issue: that PEOPLE ARE ABSOLUTE FUCKS. We are all horrible in varying degrees, whether it’s using and manipulating others in order to fulfill our personal desires, or it’s murdering and buying your way to power so that you can control more people and more money, or if it’s torturing, raping and murdering thousands in order to achieve ethnic cleansing.

    You’re right. We all want to profit from one another in some way. Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with that and sometimes that destroys millions of lives. My feminism is not about punishing Men, it’s about stopping suffering. Is it futile? Probably. But does that mean I shouldn’t try to stop it? A lot of women are idiots because a lot of people are idiots and gender has nothing to do with that. They’ve made feminism a bad word by making it about the wrong things. That’s the way it goes.

    fairlane, maybe my own experience of feminism has just been different, but most of the feminists whom I read and personally know are not white, not upper-class, and do not want what you seem to think they do. As in all “isms” there are a lot of Dumb Fucks. But please don’t dismiss all of as man-haters because there are so many complete idiots who make us half-idiots look bad.

    I don’t think that I can save the world. I don’t think that the world is worth saving. But as you now know from my post last week, my work is about saving individual people from other individual people that want to harm them. I agree with you that if we all focused on making ourselves better people who would not inflict suffering and harm on one another, then yes the world would be a better place. But just as we can’t save the world, we aren’t all going to do that. So in the meantime, I am going to continues to try to help individuals and I am going to continue to be a feminist, a progressive, an atheist, and sometimes even a humanist.

  6. I forgot to say that this was a great post!

    Also, everything Scarlet said.

  7. We are human. We are flawed. That’s what makes us interesting.

    Movements are for people who need something to hold onto because it’s easier to have someone else define things for us sometimes.

    We can speak in broad generalizations – men are this, women are that, but all it takes is one brief moment of thought to discover that you could easily blow holes in the generalizations by citing a this or a that about an individual.

    A flawed, yet interesting, human individual.

    Good post, Fairlane. I’ve missed hanging around here.

  8. “Just because I care about women’s issues does not mean that I don’t care about men’s issues, or children’s issues, or race issues, or human issues, or animal issues.”

    Well said, Suzi Riot. And DCup.

    Fairlane, did you underestimate your female readers?

  9. i am sitting on the sidelines for this one……

  10. I happen to think well of most people, including men. Gasp! The people I have a really hard time accepting are people who are greedy and have too much money and think they deserve it somehow. I have lots of empathy for men, women, children, and animals. So yeah, what Suzi said and then some.
    Oh, but no, I don’t like women being treated like crap and hey if you can’t talk about it, it can’t be addressed because it is never acknowledged. I think black people have to put up with this crap too, being told they glorify in being victims when what they are trying to do is call attention to the inequality inherent in racism. don’t fucking kill the messenger because you don’t like the message.

  11. wow, yeah. where to start. i’m sick today, so i think i’ll just say … ‘what y’all said’ …

    and, by the way, you are nearly a master at the stream of consciousness style … seriously. quite, quite good.

  12. I’m not underestimating “My” female readers whatsoever. If they’re reading this blog, it’s a given that they ain’t the Average Chick.

    But you do notice who’s conspicuously absent from this conversation.

  13. Buddy, I haven’t read any other comment because I don’t want my response not to be tainted by anything. I honestly don’t know how anybody else has responded. I haven’t even noticed names but I assumed they are all people whom I respect a great deal.

    Fairlane, I’m a 46-year old man. I’ve had an unsual life but not so unusual. You have in very few powerful words expressed everything I feel about being a 46-year old man and having lived this one life given me. I don’t want to analyze your work, nor do I want to pick out the phrases or concepts that are most meaningful to me. I don’t want to tell comparitive stories. Or make my own admissions of boneheadedness and evolution or describe what my brand of feminism is. Or how I view masculinity or sexuality or money or power or any of it.

    I am just appreciating that there exists ONE other man who has given voice to everything I feel on these subjects without fear or favor. In this moment, I don’t feel alone. Or guilty. Or proud. Just appreciative that these words came to you this day and you had the balls to write them down.

    If you never pick this topic up again, it won’t matter. If you renounce what you’ve written here someday, it won’t matter.

    There exists in this moment one LANZMANN, PANA, BOYCHIK, TIO, BRO, PAISANO, CHELOVEK, CUGINE, MATE, PELADO, COMPADRE, COMRADE, GORDO….and a million other ways to say it.

    I’m writing over at HELL now and I’ll bet if I asked, they’d tell me Nelson Algren and Carl “The Chief” Rosen just toasted this post.

  14. F: I just read all the other comments and am extremely pleased at the warm reception your words have gotten all-around.

    I haven’t been putting the whats and whos and whens and whys of Jonestown regulars under the microscope so the only comment that mystifies me is the last sentence of your last comment. That’s obviously an inside joke I don’t get. Someone like Runyon or Bernard Baruch once said “if you can’t figure out who’s the fool in the game, it’s you.” I can’t figure it out, so maybe it’s me. Even if it’s me, it hardly matters.

    You hit the bulleye on this one, Pana.

  15. Nicely done and an interesting read. I must say, despite all that surrounds us, some buy into it, some don’t. As simple as that. Those that don’t continue to be on the fringe of society, although having to also be in the middle of it from time to time. It’s depressing, but theirs solace in knowing you can’t be a “prisoner” all 24 hrs of the day!

    Cheers Bro! ; )

  16. er, I meant “there’s solace etc.

    Need another double shot! ; ) Of espresso!

  17. Thanks for writing this post. The belgian saw the title while looking over my shoulder and shaved her legs.
    The only diference is they can’t shoot a Ak as good and they can’t play football.
    Oh yeah…. and drive.

    I take it back!!!

  18. There they are. 😉

  19. DBD … I bet Hillary can shoot an AK !!! Or at least she’d have us believe she can. No sure if she shaves her legs though … maybe that’s what’s up with all the pantsuits.

  20. Actually, conventional wisdom has it that women often become better shots than the men who teach them how to shoot. I know I can shoot the balls off a gnat, AND my handgun matches my purse. Go me! I would carry an AK47, but those don’t really fit so well in a purse, and I’m not one of those massive suitcase-sized Coach-toting bi-atches. Besides, if you’re carrying one of those things, you don’t even need a gun. Women should have to register those eyesores.

  21. I’d say there’s no such thing as “Women’s Issues, Men’s Issues, Black Issues, Polka Dotted Issues.”

    There are only “Human Issues.”

    What happens to you affects me, and vice versa.

    In the end, all these “Issues” only widen the ever growing chasm between people, and their humanity.

    I don’t stand outside the “Isms” because I believe I’m beyond them, or because I can’t find one that suits me. I stand outside, because I see myself in all of them.

    I’m not some knee jerk teenager.

    Scarlet- Maybe “My” readers underestimate me.

  22. This has been quite a read! Kudos to all. Glad to see so many women commenting favorably. Your writing is wonderful. You are indeed a very talented poet. Great post fairlane. Since everything I might have said Scarlet and Dcup and liberality have said for me, so thanks for the good reading one and all.

  23. It’s all part of the same thing, fairlane, and I don’t see these as competing issues, either, but all are a part of the big picture. Different groups do have different needs, and I guess here I’m thinking of children and animals because both are vulnerable and dependent upon us to protect them. So, they have issues apart from those we face as adults. But, you know, “no man is an island” and all that. I don’t think attending to issues one group feels widens the chasm, but rather tends to close it. Just saying, “Wow, that sucks, and I’m sorry that’s happening to you. What can I do to help?” is never a bad thing.

    I think when you start making dogmata out of it, and thinking in terms of “isms” is when you create chasms. Did that sort of rhyme?

    I am not underestimating you, fairlane.

  24. Oh, fvck, I forgot to compliment you on your poetry! Good work.

  25. Pig.

  26. Oh, I can’t believe no one remarked on that woman’s ass.

    Christ, that has to be one of the finest in all of existence.

    And that song,

    That song fucking kills me.

    And, and-

    I do appreciate the feedback.

  27. As is with an outstanding post- the comment thread just makes it even more so…

  28. I’m not too impressed by women’s asses, for some reason. Except my own, of course. Besides, didn’t that same girl show her ass on Randal’s blog?

  29. fairlane, you do indeed have excellent taste in your choice of music and asses.

  30. I’m moving my yard, and every time I take a break, I look at this thread. I don’t know why.

  31. And while I’m moving it, I’m mowing it, too. I am a superhero, you know.

  32. I’d pay a large sum of money to have an ass like the one in that picture. I’m speaking rhetorically of course because even though I know they make “ass implants” no amount of implantation would make me look like that.


  33. That is a nice ass.
    But i would never have time to use it.

  34. Very interesting thread.

    My male partner has a fascination with guns and owns many. He does’t hunt. He harly ever goes to a shooting range anymore. And then there’s me – 48 year old woman who’s never picked up a loaded gun in her life. Guns were not a part of my upbring at all.

    My partner would like to teach me to shoot and I’m four years coming around to considering it. I doubt I’ll like it but I want to see what it’s like to handle a gun.

    Btw, this is my first visit here. There is a lot here, for sure. This post was almost too much for my achy little head. I’m glad I stopped by, though.

    Pagan Sphinx

  35. The poem was very nice.

    But now you
    On nesting beneath the shelves
    Like some Sparrow Mother


    Save it for your Therapist
    What’s her name again,

  36. //I’d say there’s no such thing as “Women’s Issues, Men’s Issues, Black Issues, Polka Dotted Issues.”

    There are only “Human Issues.”

    What happens to you affects me, and vice versa.//

    Shit&stuff…….do I totally dig that fucking statement….!!!!

    My main issue is ‘do I have enough beer money’

    which is, duh, huh….why Jonestown is a cool blog…

    there are no “issues” that do not affect all of us…..and gosh&golly….good for the us of us that understand that concept………Wowsers!!!!

  37. Fairlane – This is one of those start and stop comments where you think you know what you want to say and backspace because it sounds stupid. I’ve backspaced about 10 times now. But here’s where I stopped. This post took the gag off of me; you know, the sock stuffed in my mouth, held firmly by a laps of duck tape around my head, that would never let me say I am white, I have a penis, and I’ve been known to use both of these attributes carelessly. Thanks.

  38. Somebody put the gag back on him already.

  39. this post definitely deserves some kind of an award.

  40. What in the Hell is up with the Avatar Wasteland?

    Anita- I’ve given your award suggestion a great deal of thought, and here’s what I’ve decided.

    The women who’ve commented in this thread should volunteer to sleep with the Author.

    I know it doesn’t seem fair to the men, but, no matter how I try, I just can’t get past the whole Back/Butt hair thing.

    It’s creepy.

    Now, if they’re willing to wax…

    Nah, It’s still creepy.

    Sorry Guys.

    Let me know Anita once you have the details ironed out 😉

    Oh, I really, and I mean really, like Thigh High Stockings.

    Hint, Hint.

    And to those who are unwilling to sleep with me-

    How dare you call yourselves “Liberals!”

    By the way, Scarlet-

    You left Jonestown’s 4000th comment yesterday.

    I guess as your Award, you’ll ask for an Exemption from my Award.

    You’re such a Smart Ass.

  41. “You’re such a smart ass.”

    Says the man who is trying to give me the gift of his old panties.

  42. Fairlane, I think you may have mid-understood my comment re that the post should get an award.

    I didn’t say that the author should get a REward. I was thinking more in terms of maybe one of those Koufax Award things they give out every year, something like ‘best self-revelatory, stream of consciousness, long-form poem exhibiting personal growth as a human being yet still a retaining his inner angry child post by a thirty-something post-feminist southern gentleman.’

    and THEN, you might get one of those “virtual” stickers to put on your page.

    Not to mention that i would never do anything to upset Your Empress !!

  43. Again, I appreciate the great comments, and the fact that no one called for me to be castrated.

    Scarlet- Ingrate!

    anita- It’s not what I was expecting, but that sounds pretty cool.

    How do you get one of them there fancy Intertube’s Buttons?

  44. pig. 😉

  45. I wouldn’t call him that any more. I think he LIKES it.

  46. Oink, Oink!!

  47. How come all you fuckers put up posts like this on the weekend when I’m trying to slack? Come on fairlane, do these über-posts when I’m at work so I don’t have to work as much. Don’t make me stimulate the economy.

    As for the work itself, I have nothing to add that hasn’t already been said.

  48. Great post!

  49. When I originally commented I clicked the Notify me whenever new comments are added checkbox and currently each time a remark is added I get four messages with the identical comment.

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