And Now, a Very Important Message from the Makers of FDS

On this day, exactly one year ago, an Evil was Unleashed upon this Mortal Coil. An Evil so, well, Evil, that even Satan Himself shudders in Terror at its very Mention.

*In fact, the Level of Evil contained within this single act broke several long standing records in Hell.

What is it you ask (Or not)?

What could it be?

Is Dick Cheney involved?

Will there be a Sequel?

Will there be a Nipple Slip Pic?

Did Oswald kill Kennedy?

How many licks does it take to get to the Center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Is this all there is?

Do people really think the show Friends is funny?

Are Harry and Sally still married or did she divorce him after she found out he has HPV?

If men with big feet are supposed to have Big Dicks, why is Chimpy Hung like a Bee?

Is Jenna Jameson retiring or is it a publicity stunt?

Does Chuck Norris still shave his Back?

-So many questions, and even Fewer Answers.

I wish I could tell you otherwise loyal readers. I wish I could tell you, “Everything is going to be Alright.” I wish I could assure you that Life, along with this Post, had some Fucking Point. I wish they’d stop showing reruns of The Wonder Years

But alas-

However, there is one Question I can answer. The one question that above all others burns in the Hearts, and Minds of each and every One of Us as we Trudge through Our Hollow Lives.

The Question that gives Us a reason to wake up in the Morning with the Hope that-

“Today will, at long last, be the Day. Today, yes, Today I will Know the Truth, and at least for a Moment, my Life will have Meaning.”

Wait no longer my Friends. The Moment is Nigh, it is at Hand, we are almost there Papa Smurf, it’s just Around the Bend, a Penny Saved is a Penny Earned, and it turns out The Dixie Chicks were right after all.


Yes! Yes, My Friends! There will be a Nipple Slip Pic!!
(Damn, it looks like the end of a Fucking First Grade Pencil)

Oh yeah-

That whole “Evil” thing from the Beginning?

Jonestown Turned One Today.

Thanks to Everyone for Putting Up with My (And now Their)

-Barry Max
-Suzi Riot
-Johnny Wingnut
-M. Frederick Voorhees
-distributorcap NY
-Scarlet W. Blue


And an Extra Special Thanks to the Following Partners in Crime who’ve supported Us by participating, giving us undue praise, and being all around Bad Ass Motherfuckers-



Coffee Messiah

Cowboy the Cat

Editorials From Hell’s Leading Daily Newspaper


Fran I Am

Freida Bee



Pissed in New York City



Legal Eagle


Maui Girl

Tengrain (Whoop, Whoop!!)



Jolly Roger

Granny Annie


Proud Progressive


Mary Ellen

Commander Other




We Love You Long Time-


~ by fairlane on April 23, 2008.

31 Responses to “And Now, a Very Important Message from the Makers of FDS”

  1. Geez, I forgot that “Nipple slip pic” was a category denoting significant happenings on this existential plane. How horrible is that to forget such a thing as the possibility of seeing a beautiful, purple nipple?

    Real reason I called: I wrote a blog on the racist stunts pulled by the Clintons in the past. I welcome any comments you might have–knowing full well you’re just as likely to jack me with your nihilist sneering as give me an ‘attaboy.’

    Actually, you’re MUCH more likely to sneer, now that I think about it.

    Happy Anniversary!

  2. fairlane — expect some calls from the FCC – and they wont be singing happy birthday………..


    i am glad to be part of the one year anniversary of Jonestown. Kool aid and all..

    i wonder what a fairlane fashion mal-function would look like? or maybe not

  3. Goddam! One year old- happy blogversary Fairlane!

    I am with Dcap… what would a Fairlane fashion malfunction look like? Then a pause to reconsider.

    Bring on the unshaven men I say!

  4. Happy Blogversery to the entire Jonestown Superteam!!!

    Oh, and maybe I missed that post … but it’s my understanding (and, uh, experience) that the most reliable predictor of male, hmmm … OK “Endowment” is not foot size, but rather hand size, and more reliably, length and girth of fingers. OK. So, there, I said it.

    Drink Up Biotches !!!

  5. Anita – I’ve done an extensive survey of male endowment. My research bears out your statement!

    Fairlane – One year already? Congratulations. It’s been a wild year. Keep it up. You have a unique voice.

  6. Happy blogoversary, Fairlane!

  7. First pussy on pussy, now nipples? I think that’s Rupert on line one. You’ll be on after Family Guy.

    And shit, I need some bigger hands.

  8. //extensive survey of male endowment. My research bears out your statement!//

    ppppfffftttt…. I was obviously never surveyed…. 😉

    I know I am a bloggy-come-lately…..but this really is a great neighborhood….all sorts of great folks. Happy, Happy etc

  9. Happy blogoversary! And many more!

  10. Why is my name right above the word “shit”?

  11. I think the traditional anniversary gift for one year is paper, so I am offering you this….

    Happy Anniversary

  12. Happy blog anniversary. It doesn’t seem like a year to me. Oh yeah, well I’ve only been reading you for a couple of months, that’s why. DCup brought me over and as she said already, you have a unique voice. You put up some posts that I have to think about long and hard and sometimes I agree and sometimes I don’t. I think that is what makes this a great blog because it provokes thought.

  13. Fairlane –

    Does this mean you’re about to start your terrible twos?



  14. Drink up oh bitchy one. Oh master of the cliche, or palitude, oh fearsome snaky one, hoist one for me, since I can’t drink on my psychoactive drugs. Seriously, congratulations!

  15. Happy Birthday Jonestown!!!!

    You rock, all of ya’s!

  16. Happi Blogiversary, my friend. You are a constant delight.. 😉

  17. Yo! that thing could poke an eye out – play safer on this blog man!

    And happy first anniversary – longer than a lot of marriages last these days. You deserve gifts, lots of gifts…

  18. RP– Gracias. Glad to see you’re still around.

    I, as you know, checked out your post, and gave it my best “sneer.”

    – I am a wardrobe malfunction.

    I was just talk to a close friend about, when do you stop dressing like you’re 25, and start dressing like your father?

    – There could be a nipple slip pic in the near future, just for you.

    I know how you Catholic school girls are.

    – If it’s in the hands, then I will direct you to my avatar.

    My hands are, at least, eleven inches long.

    – I only have one question, when are you getting your ass (Actually your tits) back here?

    – Much appreciated.

    – For bigger hands, I recommend eating small children.

    It worked for me.

    – We’re glad to have you.

    Now, if you’d just get a blog.

    – I’ll tell you what.

    I promise to stick around for a while, but you have to promise that if I’m still around when I’m sixty, you’ll shoot me.

    Scarlet– As Confucius say, “It is better to be above shit, then to be beneath it.”

    Mary Ellen
    – Which one do you wipe your ass on?

    Liberality– We provoke a lot more than thought.

    Wait until summer, and I start throwing rocks at Hornet nests.

    – Definitely. This first year was just a warm up.

    – What kind of drugs are we talking about, you want to trade?

    – Please tell Scarlet that you are “Freida.”

    She thinks you’re a different Freida.

    I keep telling her that I’m a one Freida Pony, but she won’t listen.

    Susan– I think in all my years that’s the first time anyone put the words “Constant,” and “Delight” together to describe me.

    – Those things are incredible are they not?

    What kind of gifts are we talking about?

    Bai Ling’s nipples?

    Thanks Everyone!!!

  19. There’s Freida Bee and there’s “Other Freida,” as far as I know.

    Oh, who’s the clever boy? Confucius and all that?

    I have a male nipple-slip picture I could post? Except, it’s more like baring the nipple. And he’s making an obscene gesture…. 😉

    I second that, DCUP!!!

  20. Thanks Fairlane…it’s on my list
    get a life
    get a blog

  21. You got real nice place to visit here, now that I’ve figured out the difference between DCUP and DCAP. That could have been embarassing.

  22. So when do we receive our Annual Report? I want a financial prospectus! I want a raise! I want better quality vodka stocked in the water cooler!

    Seriously… congratulations. Thank you for creating Jonestown. It is indeed a unique space in Blogovia. And thank you for letting me part of it.

  23. bai ling huh? A stalker is born

  24. Holy shit! It’s been a year already? Seriously, where does the time go when we’re having fun?

    Congratulations and thank you for making me laugh, cry and most of all, think.

  25. Scarlet, Fairlane is My Little Pony and I am his “Freida”.

    (I’m not sure to what you guys are referring, but there it is.)

  26. Congratulations and Happy Blogoversary to the whole Jonestown team!!!

  27. Feliz cumplenaos a vos
    Teliz cumpleanos a vos
    Que siempren con ganas de seguir la vaina de puta madre…
    Felzi cumpleanos a vos

  28. Wow, one full year. Happy Anniversary, Fairlane. Looking forward to many more. And don’t hold back….let the terrible twos express themselves.

  29. Empress–bring it!

    okjimm- tea, bread, and milk?

    Dave- DCup has the big tits. DCap is Jewish.

    Suzi- I got your finacial prospectus wrapped around your raise.

    DBD- hey, get your own damn stalkee. i’ve been hanging outside her apartment for weeks.

    she’s mine!

    PoP- Thanks for being here with me.

    Freida- So you’re saying I’m hung like a baby horse?

    Maui- Thanks!

    You’re good people.

    Kelso- I don’t speak fucking spanish.

    PNYC- Believe it or not, I’ve held back a few times, but now…

  30. Actually, Fairlane, I do believe it. That said, if it feel right, do it. I think we have been trained to self-censor. The last seven years surely have had an effect. Fuck ’em.

  31. Happy belated B’day Jonestown! I guess there is no worry that you nuts will grow up, or any such danger! ROCK ON!

    The scientifically impossible I do right away
    The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

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