Tonight, Let It Be Lowenbrau

I apologize for being MIA this past weekend, but let me say-

If you experience burning during, and/or after Urinating, it will not, no matter how hard you Pray, go away on its own.

Please, Seek Medical Attention Immediately, and Please, if you insist on having Intercourse with Women you meet outside Gas Station Bathrooms at 5:00 am, wear a Fucking Condom (Or Three)!

On with the Show-

Pigs in Cyberspace

As you all know, the Content at Jonestown is Reader Driven. Not a day goes by without someone here asking-

“What does America Really Want/Need, and how much longer can We get Away with Ignoring Them?”

The Truth is, without our Beloved Readership, Jonestown is nothing more than a Collective of Marginally Employed Deginerates with a Penchant for Profanity, and Bad Grammar.

With this in mind, I thought I’d begin the Week by purusing the Old Google Search Terms to see how our Fellow Deginerates (Readers) Find Us:

Degrade, humiliate, whore, slut, cunt

Now, on the surface this appears to be pretty disgusting (And it is), but after a little research, one finds this to be an Amazing Discovery.

It turns out the phrase, “Degrade, humiliate, whore, slut, cunt,” is a line from the Wedding Vows written by John Mc Cain for his wife Cindy.

What a Lucky Lady-


How old is John Mc Cain?”

Being that Jonestown does not have access to Carbon Dating, we are unable to answer this question with any Certainty.

However, our team of Crack Scientists have a suggestion for our Curious Reader. Instead of asking, “How old is John Mc Cain,” maybe a better question, and one that possibly has an answer is-

How Old is Dirt?


Will white people soon leave America?”

It depends on what you mean by “White People?”

If you mean, “Greedy, Remorseless, Self-Absorbed, Superficial, Wankers,” then, the answer is,

Christ, I hope so.


Jesus nailed to the cross window decal

Nothing says, “I love me some Jesus,” quite like a Window Decal, and, as Everyone Knows, Jonestown’s Favorite Martyr (Other than Michelle Malkin) is, Jesus.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been to Mexico in a while, and, therefore, haven’t had an opportunity to stock up on Jesus Decals.

Luckily, I do have the latest PR photo of Ms. “Bombs Over Internment Camps” 2005, 2006, 2007, and 2008. 

Enjoy, at your Leisure-


Man sex. Goat ass

Your wishes are My Command-


Here’s a picture of me meeting with the Founders of the National Association of Goat Assery (NAGA)


Little pussy

Again, this search phrase Demonstrates not only the Sophistication of the Average Jonestown Reader, but the amount of time, and research they put into their interests.

For those of you who are unaware, “Little Pussy” is the title of the Upcoming Auto-Biography by Barbara Bush detailing the brief time she spent with Junior during his Childhood.

As an added bonus, Jonestown obtained a copy of the Proposed Cover-


That’s it for now Kids, but Stayed Tuned because, from what I’m Hearing, Scarlet has some kind of Surprise (Let’s Hope it’s a Picture, or Pictures, of her sans the Superhero Costume. I hear she has a nice Ass).



~ by fairlane on April 28, 2008.

20 Responses to “Tonight, Let It Be Lowenbrau”

  1. Studies show there is no benefit
    for wearing more than one condom,
    and indeed it is disouraged by
    the manufacturers.

  2. //As you all know, the Content at Jonestown is Reader Driven.//

    Gees, I wonder what Fairlane Really Means/Wants/Needs, and how much longer can We get Away with Ignoring Him?

    Unfortunately, I haven’t been to Columbia in a while, and alla I got is cheap dope, so I have to catch my buzz hanging out on blogs with Remorseless, Self-Absorbed, Superficial, Wankers……

    …wowswers….how peachy-keen kool, huh&stuff

  3. Seraphine- Studies?

    You mean we’re supposed to study before using a condom?

    Fuck, that explains it.

    It took me a week to figure out where to put the damn things.

    Okjimm- Huh?

    Stop skimming, you missed something.

  4. aw, nevermind. Just one of those bad days.
    kinda of like that only Jefferson Starship song, ‘I never thought there were corners in time…..

    unil I was told to stand in one’

    I think everyone here knows what it’s like to get smacked down a bit….and I guess today was mine.

  5. I’m still laughing even after reading the comments. Just knowing I get back on my regular dose of happy pills has made me…not quite happy, but capable of laughing. Welcome back degrade humiliate whore slit cunt. I have to start swearing more on my site so I too can have freaks like your readers searching for the really nasty stuff… I’m one of your readers, does that in and of itself make me a freak?

  6. Utah- Sometimes people get all concrete on me.

    What can you do?

    Maybe I should have been more specific, “People who read, find, discover Jonestown via the Search Engines.”

    In other words, useless traffic from freaks looking for “Little Pussies,” “Man on goat Action,” “degrade, humiliate, whore, slit, cunt,” “ty pennington naked.”

    How do people find our blog using those search terms? Especially the last one?

    So, I take the search terms, and make a post out of it. I used to do it every couple of weeks, but got away from it.

    Some people intentionally try to generate traffic from the search engines. I think such traffic is pointless. They never comment, and they’re not searching for a post to read. They’re searching for, “Man on goat action,” etc.

    If you are interested in search engine traffic, all you have to do is add something related to sex to your post.

  7. There is no denying that you have a gift of nasty, disgusting genius. It’s nice that you’ve been able to make your talent useful.

  8. Just as I have been sought after for months by those in the Hall and Oates yahoo group, yesterday’s post has garnered me the Wal Mart circuit and some Wal Mart message board link.

    Some other lovelies include:

    Eat me some
    movies women straitjacket fetish
    Free sex abg
    probability of mosh pit fighting
    elementry school girls
    spam singles
    I got a cock in my ass (lovely- my mother would be proud.)
    corduroy fetish (multiple times)
    fancy bitch

    As I do not pay for my statcounter, I erase my entries every time they reach 500 and lose track of the gems over time, so I appreciate your blog search term updates, as they give me an opportunity for sharing the joy before they’re gone.

    Yours are great. I can’t pick between them, but if someone held a gun to my head it might be, “Will white people soon leave America?” though that picture makes me fear being gang-raped for some reason.

  9. Was there an explosion at the Gel factory in Jersey?



  10. Now Tengrain, no doubt the explosion was in China. Surely lube production has been outsourced. Could explain the burning.

  11. I honestly believe 95% of everything we do in this country has been outsourced to China. And India.

    Somehow I landed on your blog and I believe I’ll be back. I’m totally digging the vibe you’ve got here.

  12. When I’m standing outside a gas station at 5am, I always have oondoms in my purse. Just can’t be too prepared for the possibilites. And just for the record I am neither cheap nor easy, just convenient.

  13. Suzi– I’m not so sure being a genius is a gift.

    Let me get back to you.

    Freida– I’m not sure how blogger works, but WordPress keeps track of stats, and search engine traffic for us.

    Unfortunately, I can’t delete it, or block them.

    The searches are hilarious, but the person/persons behind them are fucking creepy creeps.

    I love “Fancy Bitch.”

    That’s the name of my Candy Apple Red El Camino.

    Ten– Speaking of “Outsourcing,” when are they going to outsource Jersey?

    PNYC– I’m sending the left over condoms off to the lab.

    Speaking of condoms, they need to make a “Medium.”

    Stepher– We just agreed to outsource our blog this morning.

    “How may I be of helping you today?”

    You are welcome to return whenever you like. As you can see, I tend to piss off our “regulars” from time to time.

    Maybe I’ll change our motto from “Drink Up Bitches!,” to “I never promised you a Rose Garden, or Common Deceny for that matter.”

    PoP– I could only dream of meeting you outside a gas station bathroom at 5:00 am.

    I’m not even sure if the “woman” I met was a Woman.

  14. It’s amazing just how many members of the Bush Administration come to your site.

  15. The Truth is, without our Beloved Readership, Jonestown is nothing more than a Collective of Marginally Employed Deginerates with a Penchant for Profanity, and Bad Grammar.

    I’m thinking that maybe we need a warning banner before the FCC comes knocking. Goodness knows we can’t be exposing any innocent minds to this stuff.

  16. I’d definitely give this site an NC-17 rating. Maybe if Fairlane could keep his fingers in his pockets I’d go with PG-13, but since that ain’t gonna happen any time soon … well, what Spartacus said.

  17. “Jesus nailed to the cross window decal“

    Where can I get one of those?

    Who’s telling stories about my ass?

  18. you are on your A game.

  19. Randal- It’s not really all that surprising.

    Condi used to have a thing for one of my sisters.

    Spartacus- If there are any “innocent minds” reading this crap, it’s far too late.

    anita- We have such a banner near the top.

    We are also, according to the Gematriculator, 17% Evil.

    Scarlet- I’m not sure who originally started the rumor, but I read about your ass in a Gas Station bathroom.

    “For a Great Piece of Ass, call Scarlet 1-800-NICE-ASS.”

    Dave- I do my best. Well, not really, but I try to at least fill some space.

  20. Okay, that’s not even my number!

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