10 things….

…you never knew, and may wish you had never known, about fairlane….

But first, a wedding, in pictures….

10. fairlane’s feet smell like butterscotch. He kept insisting they taste like it, too, but even the cats weren’t going for that.

9. fairlane will make you laugh until your ribs are broken, and then, showing no mercy, make you laugh some more.

8. When fairlane is done playing in the backyard, he is very polite about picking up all the toys he scattered across the lawn. (He will also crawl under parked cars to retrieve runaway cats).

7. fairlane demonstrates his concern for the environment by wearing the same clothes for five days straight. (That includes his Spongebob boxers. Although I’ve never seen them on him…er…uh…or off. Actually, I’ve only heard about them).

6. The ladies love fairlane.

5. So do cats. (Actually, most animals love fairlane because he doesn’t eat them).

4. Kids love fairlane, too (Same reason as #5).

3. fairlane likes to act out the Dance of the Seven Veils. (Yes, I stole Tengrain’s joke)

2. fairlane wanted to be the Silver Surfer when he was a child, and apparently he’s never given up this dream/fantasy, as he still talks about what he’d do if he had the “Power Cosmic.” (Let’s just say, we’re lucky the odds of this happening are astronomical.)

1. Surprisingly, fairlane is not only a good talker, but a very good listener as well.

My advice:

If you get a chance to meet fairlane, you should do it. It was a most memorable experience. I’ll never forget the time he was standing in the kitchen and suddenly said, “I can’t believe I’m standing in Scarlet Blue’s house eating cheap macaroni.” (I can’t tell you how many times I have stood in that same spot, and thought the same thing.)

I can’t believe fairlane was standing in my kitchen eating cheap macaroni.

For more fun-filled facts about fairlane, visit here.


~ by Scarlet Blue on May 1, 2008.

12 Responses to “10 things….”

  1. So he is actually real then? I am a little shocked and very fascinated.

  2. A great snapshot of the man who is the most foul-mouthed and funny boss I’ve ever had.

  3. You expect me to believe that you actually saw Fairlane? I thought like the Abominable Snowman and the Balanced Budget, Fairlane was just a myth to frighten children into eating beets.



  4. //“I can’t believe I’m standing in Scarlet Blue’s house eating cheap macaroni.” //

    Hey, I dunno. Sounds much more believable that standing in Scalet Blue’s shower and eating expensive macaroni. Or standing in cheap macaroni and eating…..gees, never mind.

    // Fairlane was just a myth to frighten children into eating beets.//

    I think he rather scares the ‘beats me’ outta me! Which, altogether is better than being scared of cheap macaroni or eating beets in Scarlet Blue’s shower. I think, therefore it beats me!

  5. SB //(I can’t tell you how many times I have stood in that same spot, and thought the same thing.)//

    Well, golly! Great Minds think alike!! 😉

  6. The rumors of my non-existence are greatly exaggerated, but considering I’m a Cosmic Being such confusion is common.

    It’s not that I don’t exist, I’m simply beyond the comprehension of most, if not all, Mortals.

    Don’t blame yourselves.

    However, I must take umbrage with number 10.

    While it’s true my feet smell like Butterscotch, (I’ve found humans respond favorably to the aroma of candy, which makes it less troublesome to get them in the back of my ’72 VW Beetle), they actually taste like Strawberry Kool-Aid.

  7. There’s an obvious foot fetish going on here. At least it’s not a diaper one. And SWB, you couldn’t have busted out a box of the expensive Velveeta mac and cheese?

  8. How fun – I wish I had discovered this blog a long time ago!

  9. FranIAm, he’s real, but if you try to touch him, your hand will go right through him. Also, he doesn’t have a reflection.

    DCup, I believe he likes you, too.

    Tengrain, I swear it’s true, and you can read all about it next week in the National Enquirer.

    OKJimm, I think he did eat beets in my shower!

    fairlane, my whole house now smells like butterscotch, you know.

    RG, Velveeta mac and cheese at the first meeting? That’s rather heavy-handed, don’t you think?

    UC, where have you been?

  10. Scarlet, you were right. I really wish I didn’t know what fairlane’s feet smell like and that he never changes his underwear. Or that the unchanged underwear have pictures of Spongebob on them.

  11. Suzi, I apologize to you and all of fairlane’s readers if I in any way destroyed any romaticized notions of the Emperor. I just wanted to show you the more human side of his glorious highness.

    Did I mention he has more shoes than Imelda Marcos?

  12. you know it is time to leave town in my ford fairlane….

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