“Average Joe” Vows Not To Work Too Hard…
Per our Beloved DCup’s request, I’m re-posting this Classic from the Jonestown National Archives. Although she hasn’t posted here in some time, DCup was the first member of our Super Team, and we Love Her.
Your wish is, My Command-
”I belong to the blank generation and I can take it or leave it each time. I belong to the ______ generation but I can take it or leave it each time.”
In the movie “The Incredibles“, there is a great scene where “Dash” is arguing with his mother “Elastigirl” about running track. (If you’ve never seen the movie, I suggest you do so). Dash and the other members of his family are ”Supers”, and Dash possesses the ability to run at incredible speeds. But because the Supers were forced into hiding by “mainstream” society they are not allowed to use their superpowers.
He and his mother go back and forth about how “it’s not fair”, and “Now Dash, you know you can’t use your powers.” Finally Dash says his “special” power is going to waste. His mother responds with the favorite mantra of the Politically Smarmy throughout the world, ”Everybody’s special Dash.”
I’ll admit, I was about to turn off the bloody television. “Everyone’s Special? Puke!” But just as I’m reaching for the remote, Dash saves the day, “That’s the same thing as saying no one is.” Damn Right! Everyone is not “Special”. I’m sorry to inform those of you who were counting on this falsehood, but it’s Balderdash. Sure, everyone’s life has value and all people deserve respect, but all people are not “Special”, unless by “Special” you also mean “Don’t pay attention to Johnny…(whispered) he’s special.”
Of course, Dash ends up losing the battle succumbing to the Juggernaut known as “Mediocrity”. Even a Super must bow before the might of “Average Joe”. Yep, good old “Average Joe”. I’m surprised his likeness doesn’t grace the walls of every classroom in this country. Wait, I guess it does, they hang pictures of the President in classrooms don’t they?
I remember in 2000, this “Joe” was telling me how Bush was the kind of guy you’d throw back a couple of “cold ones” with at the local bar. Nothing makes a man more “Presidential” than that. When considering a candidate to lead the most powerful nation in human history, how he handles pressure, his knowledge, his values etc etc are important, I guess. But what I really want to know is, “Will this guy come down to Bud’s Place and throw back a couple of cold ones”, because nothing says “I have what it takes” like alcoholism.
You know, “Average Joe” is a great, well not great, maybe pretty good guy. You sit next to him at the bar and talk about the Phoenix Suns or what a “dumbass” his boss is. He’s a fairly adequate conversationalist and at times he’s funny and even charming. “Average Joe” is right where he belongs, on a bar-stool talking about sports and Pamela Anderson’s nipples. He doesn’t belong in the White House. Nor does he belong in our classrooms handing out homework, or in the Corner Office managing other people.
At my last “real” job, my Boss came out to the lab to smoke one afternoon. (Something he did 20-25 times a day despite the fact he held a two hour meeting telling us we need to “stop wasting time being unproductive”). It was lunchtime and I was working on a crossword puzzle. Looking over my shoulder he remarked, “You must be a genius.” Well, yes I am, thank you very much. But it has nothing to do with Crossword Puzzles. “Boy, the standards for being a genius sure ain’t what they used to be.”
Did you know that about ten years ago they actually considered lowering the “Genius Score” on I.Q. tests by 10 points because not enough Americans were testing at the Genius Level? Can you imagine? “This is my son Carl, he’s a genius. Here’s his test proving it. Pay no attention to that asterisk. He’s the Barry Bonds of geniuses.”
Hell, why stop there, let’s lower all the scores. Not enough people are testing out as “Somewhere between Sheep Dog and Marmoset”.
To appease the parents of ”Average” children, the Truly Gifted children are being forced to stifle themselves. “You don’t want to show off. It might hurt someone’s feelings. And you don’t want to ‘Stand Out’ because that’s not normal. Here’s some Crayons, now go color with the other boys and girls.” But it’s not just the parents. It’s the Politicians from Both Parties, the very people who set many of these Insipid Policies. “No Child Left Behind”? Is that the sequel to “My Left Foot“?
I’m sorry, but Scantron Tests are a joke. “Memorize this nonsense, the Government is testing us next month.” Monkeys Can Memorize! And how does knowing what happened on June 12, 1932 help you function in this world, much less get a job? (By the way, Němec Bohumil was born on that day).
You have mealy mouthed, club footed trolls on both sides of the aisle racing to see who can dive into the shallow end of the pool first. “Don’t Offend Anyone, That’s Not Nice.” “Reverse Racism!” It’s like watching Shemp argue with Curly. “I’m the dumbest”, “Oh, no you’re not buddy, watch this!”
Why not simply ban education altogether? Liberals have ruined Primary Education with their, “Every Child is Sacred, Every Child is Grand”, and then you have Right Wing Claptrap’s telling their Moonie Followers, “Colleges are the Breeding Grounds for Commies”. (But you sure as Hell can bet they’re sending their kids to “Karl Marx University” as soon as they’re old enough).
And what about the Media?
I know I’m not the first to ask this question, nor will I be the last, but can someone please, please tell me why in the Fuck is Paris Hilton famous? Anyone?
Most people’s first response is to say, “Well she’s a ‘Socialite’ and her family is rich.” Yeah, that’s true. My grandfather was rich, how many of you know who he is?
This is Carlos Slim Helu Aglamaz. Does that clear it up? No? Well,Carlo is a mogul in the Latin American telecommunications industry, and currently Sr. Aglamaz is the wealthiest man in the world. Huh? Yep, he passed old Billy Gates and may actually be worth up to $9 Billion more than Mr. Microsoft.
If wealth is what makes people “famous” shouldn’t he be at least as famous as Paris Hilton? She’s only worth a lousy few hundred million dollars. Chump change to a man like Don Carlo.
No, Paris Hilton is not famous because she’s rich. She’s famous because dumbshits made/make her famous by watching her on television, by buying her album or buying magazines so they can read about her extraordinarily mundane life. (You don’t have to be rich to be illiterate or drunk).
What does Paris Hilton teach our children? “You don’t have to know jack about shit. You don’t need any skills or training. Hell, you don’t even have to know how to write your own fucking name. All you need is the body of a Praying Mantis (having its mental capacity doesn’t hurt either), and the willingness to display your Camel Toe whenever possible. (The one thing you can say about Paris is she’s taken Vapidity to levels once thought unobtainable by mere mortals. I can only imagine what wonder of genetics will be the Heiress to Paris’ Throne. Will she have all of her Chromosomes?)
Some might say, “You’re an ‘Elitist’!” Maybe they’re right. If being an “Elitist” means I’m not a big fan of “Run, Run as Fast as You Can, As Long As It’s Not Too Fast”, then you’re Damn Skippy I am.
We are stifling our children. Voluntarily stifling them. The irony in all this is that supposedly much of it is to “Encourage Kids and to Build Self-Esteem.” Bullshit.
How does it build a kid’s self-esteem to tell him/her that “Everyone is Special?” They’re not stupid. “What about Timmy who sits in the back of class eating his boogers?” “No, Timmy is just as special as you are.” “Well, I must not be that special then because Timmy is a Damn moron.”
Our “Good Intentions” are having the Opposite Effect. We are raising a Generation of Kids with no problem solving skills who are unable to think for themselves. We are raising children who can’t function unless an Authority Figure is Doting over their every “Accomplishment” no matter how inane. “Great Job Billy! You tied your shoes this morning! Golly gee I’m so Proud!” He’s 15 Years Old. If He Can’t Tie His Shoes By Now He’s Fucked! It’s so damn condescending.
When children lack confidence, they smother themselves even after their “Role Models” have stopped.
Self-esteem is built from accomplishment not from incessant praise. Incessant praise creates sociopaths who think they are “Entitled”, Paris Hilton ring a bell? Or it creates kids with a Complex.
If a kid is praised every time he/she takes a leak in the toilet instead of on the floor, he/she starts to wonder, “I must be some kind of retard. They still act surprised that I didn’t piss on the walls.”
Here’s the painful truth. Some people are more intelligent/talented than others. That doesn’t mean their life has more worth, but it does mean they have more POTENTIAL. (I don’t want “Average Joe” designing the safety features on the car that my daughter rides in or on the Plane we fly to California. I want a Fucking Engineering Genius).
If we want our kids to develop “Self-Esteem” we should encourage them to take risks. To not be afraid of failure or of “Standing Out.” They need to learn that failure is a part of life, and that for most of their life the only one who’s going to pick them up off their asses is…Them. And we need to encourage them if they truly have “Special” abilities. (Unless it’s Booger Eating).
I know some twit is going to read this and say, “Why don’t you just force your 3 year old daughter to get a job and support herself.” I already tried, but apparently it’s against the law. And I have to admit I love it when she says, “Blanklet”, and for now that’s enough to keep her around.
Reasonable people understand what I’m saying. I love children. I spent a large chunk of my life working with their annoying asses. I’m not saying Timmy in the back of class should be told he’s a “Booger Eating Freak” or that kids don’t need Praise. Of course they do, but we’ve taken it Too Far. (As we do with just about everything).
Extraordinary people are the ones who lead Societies and Cultures to new and exciting places. They are the ones who create the Art, Literature, Music we admire and enjoy. They are the ones who cure diseases, and build Rocket Ships.
Extraordinary people are the ones who join societies together to fight injustice and to enact changes.
At this moment we have an “Average Joe” running the show, and he’s Fucking Shit up. What more Proof do you need?