Parade of Fvcktards

Suzi Riot

When you spend a generous amount of time contemplating the horrific stupidity of humanity and the global demise resulting from our general fucktardedness, it can be challenging attempting to select the most fucktardian from the fucktard herd. This week’s list is by no means all inclusive. I’ve been without television for the past month, as I’m in the middle of a longer than anticipated home remodel, and so I’m missing out on a lot of fucktardery. If you have any choices you’d like to share, please feel free to do so in comments.

What do you get when you mix Jesus and a deadly assault weapon? Well, wholesome old time religion, of course! Bob Ross, a youth pastor from Windsor Hills Baptist church in Oklahoma City, came up with the brilliant idea of luring teenagers to church by offering them free guns. “I don’t want people thinking ‘My goodness, we’re putting a weapon in the hand of somebody that doesn’t respect it who are then going to go out and kill,’” said Ross. “That’s not at all what we’re trying to do.” Ross said the conference isn’t about guns, but rather about teens finding faith. Bringing you to Christ with bullets. Well, I guess when a 15 year old boy accidentally blows off his friend’s face in his parents’ basement he probably starts praying real fast. And at least they’ll all be armed and ready for the raid on the nearby abortion clinic. Nothing says Christian love like a bloody rampage.

I’m sure most of you already know about Bush’s latest “fuck you” to the world. What. A. Douche.

I swear by Nancy Pelosi’s chin tuck incision and Harry Reid’s castration scar, I am about ready to just wash my hands of the whole fucking thing. Because I don’t know how many times I can handle getting dry-fucked up the ass before I bleed to death.

If people don’t understand how this story and this story are linked, then I can’t fucking help you. And don’t knock the source on that first story, because it’s a good piece!

And of course Pauly Shore.


~ by Suzi Riot on July 14, 2008.

15 Responses to “Parade of Fvcktards”

  1. Well, that’s an excellent start to lead a parade!

    Does a fvcktard have to be just incredibly stupid? Or can they be basically evil? I’m thinking of that fvcker Omar Hassan al-Bashir of Sudan. Hmmm, maybe there’s a difference between a fvcktard and a fvcker?

    Well, I guess when a 15 year old boy accidentally blows off his friend’s face in his parents’ basement he probably starts praying real fast.

    But if the friend has Jesus in his heart, he WILL go straight to heaven, you know? Always, always look on the bright side, dear Suzi. 😉

  2. Parade? More like herd. Or do they come in a gaggle? I dunno. Maybe it’s a flvck of fvcktards.

    Nevertheless it sucks to be on the cleanup crew. So let’s Drink Up!

  3. Well look who’s back!

    I’m off politics for now. It’s causing my boobs to shrink and my head to ache.

    Maybe I’ll start going to church so I too can have a gun.

    There’s no short supply of fucktards in this world.

  4. Now if the Dude really really really wanted to ‘lure’ kids to church he should just give away free marijuana. Price on that shit has gone way up. Jesus Christ, I might even go back if that was the deal!!

  5. i feel strangely compelled to post the raveonettes….. it’s dead sound

  6. Scarlet: Yes, I think that there is a difference between a fucktard and a fucker. While stupidity and evil are not necessarily mutually exclusive, fucktardery is based only on an individual’s dazzling abilities of mental incompetence. And mental incontinence. I think you should start a Fucker of the Week series. Find the fucks that have fucked us all over the most with their evil fuckery.

    Unconventional: “Flvck of fvcktards.” That is fvcking awesome.

    Dcup: Yeah, I don’t know how many more times I can get away with this “I’m gone, I’m back, I’m gone, I’m gone” crap. And remember, church is never the answer. Vodka is. 😉

    okjimm: That is brilliant! And really, if you want to get the kiddies, you should offer free guns, free marijuana, free beer and lots of secluded corners where they can all hook up. Now that’ll pack ’em in.

    Ghost: Good stuff.

  7. ooooooooh….free beer! THAT is a GREAT IDEA! Gees, I shoulda thought of that…… Yuppers, Church is never the answer….I think of them as ‘Guilt Dispensers’.

  8. Church is never the answer.

    Effing funny, Jimm.

  9. Suzi – We knew Bush would raise his middle finger to the rest of the world. In fact, he hasn’t bent it back since he took office. As for the F-tard in OK City, isn’t that how Timothy McVeigh got his start? I suppose it’s Rev. Ross’s special way of singing “Onward Christian Soldiers.”

  10. okjimm, if church is giving out pot, then yes, it IS the answer. Stop being so contradictional!

    And damn you SWB for beating me to the ‘dead are with Jeebus’ punch.

  11. i heard nancy P was pauly Shore LOL

  12. I know everyone seems to be hot on the Christian story, but I thought the NY Times’ blasting of the government over the Fannie and Freddie debacle was awesome. Another example of Republicans running roughshod over our economy, fighting regulations left and right to make a buck, until it finally comes and bites all of us in our collective asses. It happened in the Gilded Age, the Great Depression, with Reaganomics, and now with Bush’s policy blunders. I know it’ll be painful at first, but I think we should teach the execs and Fannie and Freddie – and every other corporation, for that matter – a lesson and let them go under. A government-backed bailout will only show these suits that they can be as risky as they want because our tax money will bail them out.

  13. Join a cult- get a semi-automatic (self loading) gun! The perfect way to give your summer that something extra, a little “pop and circumstance”.

  14. I’m with reasic on this one. The church story is Funny, in a “Holy Shit” kind of way, but the continued bail outs are a threat to the very survival of our country.

    The irony is, Wingnuts are always bitching about “Socialism.” This is “Socialism” at it’s finest.

    And talk about “Responsibility.”

    Next time I hear a Wingnut talk about “Free Market Economics” or “capitalism,” I’m going to stab them through the eye with an ice pick.

  15. Bringing people to Jesus t the point of a gun.

    Bring Iraqis peace at the point of a gun.

    I don’t get it, where’s the disconnect? 🙂

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