Sen. David Vitter Informs America,”God Forgives Me.” God Unavailable For Comment.

Well, here’s another Installment of “fairlane-the early years.”

I hope you like it, as much I did/do.


(Vitter at a Press Conference playing a very small violin for himself).

Sen. David Vitter (R-LA) emerged from his hole in the ground today in order to declare to the world, “I received forgiveness from God.”

(Jones Town was unable to contact God in order to verify Vitter’s account as the Supreme Being was hanging out over at Pat Robertson’s house today watching “Matlock”).

He went on to say, “Unfortunately, my admission has incurred some longtime political enemies and those hoping to profit from this situation.”

Oh really? People gaining from the misery and shame of others, hmmm, that sounds familiar. Oh yes, I remember now.

Did everyone know that Vitter became a member of Congress in 1998 by replacing Sen. Bob Livingston (R -LA) who resigned after evidence came forward that he had numerous affairs? Well he did. In fact, here’s what Vitter so righteously deduced from the situation;

“I think Livingston’s stepping down makes a very powerful argument that Clinton should resign as well and move beyond this mess,” he said.

Makes one wonder why Vitter isn’t resigning?

I’m sure Reps have their response already prepared, “Clinton did it, and he didn’t resign.”

“Clinton did it, and he didn’t resign.” (That’s me mocking them).

“Stop mocking us.”

“Stop mocking us.”

“Seriously man, cut it out!”

“Seriously man, cut it out!” AH HA HA HA!

bigbucket.jpgIf Clinton ate Mayonnaise off a Mandrill’s blue ass, one can only assume that Reps would pile into the local Zoo with 5 gallon buckets of Mayo, purchased on sale at “Sam’s Club”, to partake in a nice Mayonnaise, Lettuce, Tomato, and BLUE ASSED MONKEY SANDWICH!

What a bunch of Moralistic Wankers Republicans are.

For some reason, Reps believe no one has the right to be pissed about Vitter’s actions because

“Clinton got away with it.”

First, this Freakish Obsession with Clinton is well…freakish.

Secondly, what does Clinton have to do with Vitter?

Not everyone who get’s pissed off by the actions of La Cosa Bushstra is a “Clintonite.”

Never voted for Clinton and never will I vote for his wife.

Never I say!

She can hide behind her cankles all she wants, but I know she’s really a Republican.

Anyway, back to David “Hookers/Hooters what’s the difference, as long as I have to pay for it I’m there” Vitter.

Dave acknowledged that he committed a,”very serious sin in my past,” but no mention that his “sin” is also Illegal.

Laws Schmaws, this is a Republican we’re talking about here. Laws are for the Yokels who vote for Republicans not the actual, real life Republicans, only the fake ass Republicans, the broke Republicans, the marginally educated…you get my drift.

The audacity of Vitter is impressive, really it is. And Right Wingers just love him to pieces. The Christian Coalition gave him a “100%” Rating as a “Pro-Family” type dude.

Those Republicans and their “Family Values.” Man oh man oh man oh man.

Vitter is also accused of “Dillying his Dally” in another Prostitute’s pickle jar during the 1990’s in New Orleans.

He vehemently denies this allegation, and all things being equal, why should we doubt him? He is a “Christian”after all.

Of course, coincidentally, after this allegation surfaced, Vitter dropped out of the Governor’s Race citing, Marital Issues.

Davey, Davey, Davey, Davey, dare I say it again? Davey…

Man, you got a thing for them Call Girls don’t you?

Sure you had sex with a woman and not a child or a meth addict, and I already gave you your props on that one, but dude you need to follow your word here, and pack it in, and by that I mean Resign, not head to another Brothel.

You can’t say things like this,

“Abstinence education is a public health strategy focused on risk avoidance that aims to help young people avoid exposure to harm…by teaching teenagers that saving sex until marriage and remaining faithful afterwards is the best choice for health and happiness.” (Emphasis God’s).
Unless of course they’re having a “Buy One Get One Free” down at “Babes R Us.”

And then expect people not to call you a Fucking Hypocrite and a Complete and Utter Sham of a Man!

Look, I recognize Reps have this, “One Party, One Mind” thing going on and it’s real Impressive. Really it is.

But dudes like Vitter are fucking up your program. It’s not as though he was in the background playing the Taciturn Mouse. Oh no, he was right up front running his trap for all to hear about what a “Family Man” and “Defender of Marriage” he is.

He’s gots ta’ go Reps.

Your street cred is fading fast.

This is a chance for “Average Joe” Rep to get off his lazy ass, turn off Fox News, and put his Morality where his Mouth used to be. (Or something like that).

Come on Joe, you have to be sick of these people by now. All their lecturing about “pre-marital sex” and “out of wedlock” children. Hell man, they’re talking about you.

Stand up for once and cast off those chains you wrapped around your own neck. Make a Fucking Stand Joe! Throw down a couple of Millers if you have to, but the time is NOW!

Speak Joe or forever hold your piece/peace.

And while I’m at it.

Speaking of “speaking.”

What’s up with Republicans not having lips?

What’s up with this lipless Bastard?
My mom used to be friends with old Mitch back in the day.

Old Mitchy boy. Still owns a Condo down the street.

But when I look at him it freaks me out. You cannot, and I repeat, cannot trust a man/woman/child that has no lips. I don’t care who they are. No lips, no trust’em you’em.

What, did they fall off during childbirth?

“Mrs. Mc Connell you have yourself a fine lad here, but it appears his lips fell off inside your womb. Would you like me to retrieve them?”

“No, that’s alright, we come from a long line of lipless buffoons. Let them be.”

I especially find it especially galling when one says,

“Read my lips.”

Mother Fucker, you don’t have any Goddamn lips! Are you being Ironic? “Read my lips.” Why don’t you get your son to read the Fucking Newspaper?

I better call it a night, before I get upset.

America, please, WAKE UP!



~ by fairlane on August 16, 2008.

10 Responses to “Sen. David Vitter Informs America,”God Forgives Me.” God Unavailable For Comment.”

  1. Excellent screed, my friend.

    You don’t actually expect the Repellican Party to abandon hypocrisy though, do you? It’s part of their unHoly Trinity of tenets – along with keeping down the masses and pandering to Big Bidness.

  2. I guess I don’t expect much anymore, at least not from Wars-hington.

  3. Fairlane – you are giving Jurassic Pork a run for the money !

    Excellent stuff there, pal.



    PS – glad you found that blue-assed madril. I thought you were looking for one of the Mandrell Sisters at first.

  4. Do you mind if I play off of your awesome post?


  5. HJ,
    Not at all. Enjoy. But if you receive any lucrative offers I want a cut.

    I appreciate it. I’ll have to find this “Jurassic Pork” person and let them know there’s a new smart ass in town.

  6. I’m with you on this Vitter stuff- especially him havng the nerve to say God forgave him. Is he going to start speaking in tongues next?

    But I gotta respond to the “All-Republicans” mentality you thrive on. Not all Republicans are down with Vitter. Myself and many others I personally know find it reprehensible.

    I will agree that a lot of Republicans do that reidiculous straight-party robot bit and are adhering to Vitter’s arse as though held fast by Superparty Glue. Maybe they wouldn’t though, if those of you towards the left didn’t keep making it such a party situation.

    Yes, call Ritter out for being the two-faced adulterer he is, but stop using him as an excuse to bash all Republicans. Makes you sound like a bunch of whiney bitches still fuming over the fall of the Mighty Slick Willie.

  7. So it’s “Liberals” fault that morons are supporting this guy? I don’t think so.

    Apparently you can’t get it through your concrete head, but I’ll try once more.

    I do not, nor have I ever, supported Clinton.

    I don’t know how else to say it other than to show you my voting record.

    I’m not a Democrat or a Republican.

    The reason I pick on Reps is I’m tired of the pontification we’ve been forced to endure for the last 25 years.

    Reps are every bit as “Slick”, “Hypocritical”, “Immoral” etc as the Democrats.

    What makes it worse is the constant moralizing and preaching from the podium. Vitter is a great example of yet another self-righteous, “I’m holier than thou” asshole.

    You are not the “Party of Morality” anymore than I’m next in the line to the throne of England.

  8. I knew you were the Prince of Wales! Do you still want to come back as a girl’s bicycle seat?


  9. Only if Paris Hilton’s camel toe is somehow involved.

    All apologies, but I couldn’t resist the temptation.

  10. My “answer” to your post is up, if you’d like to check it out!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: