Gonzo Plays Boggle with Congress: And in a Related Story, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Saddle Up

Oh, those Zany Wingnuts.

I swear this only happened Yesterday.

Golly Gee Willickers, how Time Does Fly.


Alberto Gonzales admitted today, in a letter no less, to the Senate Judiciary Committee that his recent testimony was “confusing.” (What do you do at this point? Laugh, cry, buy a crate of Ak-47’s and say “Fuck it?”) Alberto Gonzales is the worst kind of Toady in the world. His testimony was “confusing?” I just love Attorney’s and their fucking word games.

“I didn’t lie, I was misleading. No, I didn’t tell the truth, I was being manipulative, but that’s not the same as lying.”

Argument by degree, subtle technicalities in language. “Technically, being manipulative is dishonest, but being dishonest is not necessarily lying.”

He was intentionally concealing the truth, but that’s not perjury.

Take a look at what Arlen Spectre said if you don’t believe me.

Specter said the attorney general’s testimony did not amount to perjury; it was a crucial if reluctant vote of support.””I don’t think he did try to provide frank answers,” Specter said. “It was more than confusion, it was misleading.”

Bonzo or whatever they call that fucking Sychophant is claiming the “Confusion” stems from him meaning one thing by saying “Terrorist Surveillance Program” and the Senate Judiciary meaning something entirely different.

You see, he had no idea what they were talking about. It was an “honest” mistake.

Here are the two options presented to the Senate Judiciary by Bonzo. (Take your pick) :

1) The Attorney General of the United States of America, is not only a complete fucking dipshit who has difficulty following simple conversations, but he also has the memory of 597 year old man, and can’t remember conversations about Domestic Surveillance programs inside hospital rooms with the sitting AG who could possibly be dying. (Why should he remember that? That shit happens every couple of days).


2) He is incapable of answering questions honestly, and, instead, disdainfully plays games with the Congress because he doesn’t give a shit about the Law, which he is supposed to be defending, as the highest ranking Law Enforcement official in the Country.

Which one of those options makes you feel proud? Which one makes you feel secure?

Of course this is nothing new. There are countless people in the Bush Administration who followed this same routine. “Scooter” Libby comes to mind.

It’s either, “I’m a retard or I’m a sociopath. You choose.”

And it is difficult to choose isn’t it? I mean, on one hand Sam from “Sam I am” or “I am Sam”, the movie about the Retard, was kind of an endearing character. He was fighting for his rights and such as he drooled all over the table in the Court Room, but he had heart, and gosh we love an Underdog don’t we?

“Alberto Gonzales, the first person with an extra Chromosome to hold the Office of Attorney General.”

It’s kind of heart warming. Sounds like a made for TV movie. But…

What about the allure, the mystery of the Sociopath? Don’t tell me a part of you didn’t find Ted Bundy charming. He was intelligent, well spoken, funny, and seemed so sincere.

Something about Sociopaths fascinates us does it not? Why are they such meanies? No one is really that terrible of a person. There’s good in them somewhere. All you have to do is look for it. They just need someone to understand, to listen and to love them. They’ll open up if they feel safe or they’ll open me up, whatever.

“Alberto Gonzales, the first Mexican Sociopath to hold the Office of Attorney General.”

Wow, a minority and a Sociopath. Liberals eat that kind of shit for breakfast. He’s a Civil Rights Attorney’s wet dream.

“You’re discriminating against my client because he has a mental illness.”

“No they’re not! They’re discriminating against my client because he’s a Mexican. It’s as plain as the brown, er red, uh burnt sienna on his face.”

And the Democrats, don’t forget them now. I know it’s easy, but they’re still there, at least in body.

So, how have the Dems responded? In typical Dem fashion of course.

What do you do when a person, or persons, demonstrate a complete and utter lack of respect for the law? Why you politely ask them to comply, and then you send them a couple of Subpoenas to let them know you mean Business!

In other words, you ask them to obey the Law.

Nothing frightens La Cosa Bushstra more, I’m sure, than a stack of papers “Demanding” they “Comply” or you’ll send even more papers next time “Insisting” they “Comply!” (* “Pretty please with sugar on top, and a cherry with whipped cream, and pecans shavings, and those little brightly colored chocolate candies, and gosh guys come on, you’re not playing fair”).

I take back comparing President Bush and Chuck Norris to a bowl of steam. The Democratic Congress is the Bowl of Steam. Sure it fogs up your reading glasses, and it can make you break out a little, but it’s not that big of a deal. It’s more of a nuisance than anything.

Here’s a clue for those who’ve had their heads buried in People Magazine for the last 6 years.

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Karl Rove and the Rest of the Bush Crime Family do not give a fuck about the Law! In their minds, they are the Law, and they can do with it whatever they damn well please! And that means if you try to confront them with existing law they will simply change it and make a new Law. (“Executive Orders” are what Bush calls them).

Wake Up DEMS! For God’s Sake, Wake The FUCK UP!!

Subpoenas ain’t gonna cut it. How about issuing the National Guard?

Or what about this? And maybe this is nuts, but you could at least try.

How about contacting the “Liberal Media,” and telling them you want to hold a series of Press Conferences during Prime Time. Piss People off! Interrupt “Survivor” or “Extreme Nanny Makeovers.” Get in their heads. “Oh those sons a bitches! Goddammit! Shirley was going to find out if P.J. really loved her tonight or if he was only using her to get in her brother Todd’s pants!!”

Start out by reading the Constitution, and not the Constitution written by Karl Rove and Dick Cheney, but the actual Constitution of the United States of America. You remember it, right?

If nothing else it will be a great Civics lesson, as most Americans, including 85% of the Wingnuts who love to bring it up whenever possible (Especially that 2nd Mendmint), have never actually read the Fucking Document. Learn’em ’bout it.

Then present your case. Tell America what La Cosa Bushstra is doing with our precious Document. Tell America how LCB allows David Vitter to wear it as a diaper on weekends when he’s out “Spreading God’s Love.”

Explain to America the potential consequences of Bush’s “Executive Orders” (At last count he’s issued 8,917). Show them the list.

Explain that Bush is slowly but surely subverting the other Branches of Government and putting himself in position to rule all by his Little Old Self.

Tell America Bush has the authority to declare Martial Law, and cancel the 2008 Election because he designated America a “War Zone.” (Don’t worry about “Fear Mongering” we can take it after the last 6 years. We’re tough).

Americans, despite our worldwide reputation, are not a bunch of cheap beer drinking, pick-up driving, marginally literate people who see family reunions as a great opportunity to “get laid.” (Most of us at least).

We know what’s going on, but we need the Democrats, and the sane Republicans, to reassure us that they’re not going to sit on their thumbs, and let it happen. (Which is exactly what’s happening whether Liberals want to acknowledge or not).

About 15 years ago, I was driving back to Louisville with a friend of mine who’s from Thailand. As we got closer to Downtown, coming across the Sherman Minton Bridge, my friend said, “That’s odd.” To which I responded, “What’s odd?” “Well, as we crossed the Bridge I got this weird feeling in my stomach. This place has strange Karma like there’s something menacing beneath the surface.”

Floored me. He said the same thing many people who live in Louisville have said. “Something is weird about this place. It doesn’t feel right.”

Something doesn’t feel right my friends.


~ by fairlane on August 17, 2008.

19 Responses to “Gonzo Plays Boggle with Congress: And in a Related Story, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Saddle Up”

  1. That was a delight to read. You covered it all. I think you are the only writer on the internet who can make me laugh right in the middle of being angry.

    Gonzo descriptions and choices were funny as hell. I feel he’s either a terrible liar or an idiot. Either way he needs to go.

  2. A bush voter says: “Uhhhh, forth mendmint? That’s the one that lets you pray to the nascar driving, shotgun toting jesus in skool, right?”

    I think the bush crime family’s favorite amendment is the fifth! They will all be “taking” it sooner or later…

    The scientifically impossible I do right away
    The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

  3. Oh, that Gonzo! What a great guy! As soon as he found out his testimony was lacking, he hurriedly wrote a letter to admit that he was misleading. How much more truthful and wonderful could he be? He is like a white knight, riding in to save our great nation from the embarrassment of exposing an abject failure of our government at its highest levels. What more could we ask for? I’m certainly glad I voted for Gonzo, and I’d vote for him again in a heartbeat! You know, if the stupid Congress would just quit calling on him to testify, he wouldn’t be there to lie in the first place, would he? It’s all Congress’ fault! Stupid commie, pinko, scumbag, moonbat, kook Democrats.

  4. “I think the bush crime family’s favorite amendment is the fifth! They will all be “taking” it sooner or later…”

    Chimpy’s favorite is a Wild Turkey Fifth.



  5. “Chimpy’s favorite is a Wild Turkey Fifth.”

    Excellent Ten, I may have to use that one day.

    “Under the direction of my attorney, I’m afraid I’m going to take the Fifth. Now if you please, I’ll need a clean glass and some ice.”

    I think my anger right now is directed mostly at the Democrats. The Bushites don’t even attempt to conceal who and what they are. They’re going to fuck us, and I get the impression the Dems are going to let them. At least right now that’s what they’re doing.

    “We’re doing what we can,” is not good enough at this point. The power these people are grabbing has ominous consequences, but Dems are now telling people to, “Stay the course.”

    If they’re not in on it, they sure act like they are.

  6. Oh and Reasic. I thought you said you couldn’t be funny. I liked that little rant at the end.

    And what in the hell is a “Moonbat?” I know Malkin uses that word, but what is it supposed to mean?

  7. Let’s hope Gonzo gets impeached now!

    Liars and deceivers in the White House need to be impeached too!

    BTW… Great post! 🙂

  8. I think my anger right now is directed mostly at the Democrats. The Bushites don’t even attempt to conceal who and what they are. They’re going to fuck us, and I get the impression the Dems are going to let them.

    Well, of course they are! Because, in their minds, it will just give them carte blanche to do the same thing once they control the WH.

    What this country needs is a truly representational Congress. Enough of this two-party bullshit! The political spectrum is. not. binary.

  9. I hope so too Suzie. But I’m not holding my breath.

    Now Phy, don’t be “negative.” It’s not the Dems fault.

    Yeah, they’re my fucking heroes.

  10. so u r back!

    gonzo and his buds do what they do because they know they get away with it — the press HA! they are the enablers and complicit in this whole sordid mess. and the worst of the lot is Specter — because he wraps himself up as a liberal GOOPer

    fuck you specter

  11. by joe lieberman – LOL i know off topic

  12. marshal law? you think somthin’s up? i don’t think he’d have that audacity…..

  13. This post confused me. Heh. Great job…

  14. marshal law?

  15. “Wake Up DEMS! For God’s Sake, Wake The FUCK UP!!

    Subpoenas ain’t gonna cut it. How about issuing the National Guard?”

    What fucking National Guard? They’re all in Iraq. Was there method in that madness? Could they be smart enough to plan that cluster fuck to leave us helpless against Black Water thugs roaming our streets with up-armored hum-V’s keeping the peoples down.

  16. Hi Fairlane. First, congratulations for getting a Kick Ass Blogger Award! I got one too, and found your blog through this.

    Your post today excellent. Love your writing style and viewpoints. I don’t think that enough Dems in Congress want to wake up, though, or they wouldn’t have voted for FISA. They may as well have struck a match to the 4th Amendment.

    Anyway, your Thai friend who felt that sense of dread made me wonder about something. I did a post in July, A Half Million Coffins in the Middle of Georgia, and a related one last week, McCain’s Warning: Urban Blacks Will Be Treated Like Insurgents. The first one addresses the coffin oddity as well as the hundreds of unfilled but high security prison camps throughout the country. Louisville, KT has these camps too, and I wonder if your intuitive friend, you, and others who spoke of it are picking up this feeling of “something doesn’t feel right.”

  17. DCap- No, I’m not back.

    I originally wrote this post several months ago.

    I’m doing a “best of fairlane” or something until we get this project rolling, I return to Jonestown, or, I give blogging up altogether.

    Raw- Lieberman wouldn’t be so bad if he’d stop pretending to be a Democrat. Of course, you could say that about the MAJORITY of Democrats.

    bradda- It confused me, as well.

    I blame the Vicodin.

    Ghost- I don’t think they’d do anything so overt, but you never know.

    My mother, a Wingnut, has encouraged everyone in our family to update their passports.

    Utah- Viva la France!!!

    Or Italy.

    Actually, probably Italy.

    My mom hates France.

  18. Kit- I think, at least for me, the “Bad Feeling” is related to the state of things in general.

    Economy, the war, the lack of an opposition party (From either side), the continued auctioning off of this country to the highest bidder, the complete lack of accountability within our government, etc, etc.

    Thanks for visiting, and congrats on the award.

  19. //Golly Gee Willickers//

    Yup….Shit&Bisquits, too! The real problem is I know the Repubs wanna cut my nuts off…………… and the Dems just wanna play with them. Choices, choices.

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