Alberto Gonzales Is an Inept Goomba? Seriously?

In a new report, the Justice Department “scolded” former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales for “mishandling” highly classified documents related to the Government’s eavesdropping program.

According to the J.D.’s report, Gonzales took some of the documents home, and kept them in his briefcase for an “indeterminate” period of time.

Gonzales’ reasoning for keeping the documents in his briefcase, you ask?

He did not know the combination to the safe in his Own Home.

However, Gonzales did keep them in a safe at his Office. Unfortunately, the safe was accessible to several other employees who were not cleared to view Classified Information.

No word on the rumors that Gonzales also allowed his children to use several of the documents as place mats while having dinner at the local Big Boy Restaurant.

Coming to his defense, attorney George Terwilliger, said Gonzales had no idea he was improperly handling the documents because he was out with Mononucleosis on the day Classified Documents were discussed.

The head of the Justice Department had didn’t know how to properly handle classified documents?

So, what you’re saying is, Classified is kind of like Secret? I have to tell you, I was completely unaware. You know, I guess I shouldn’t have missed that class, but what can you do? Are you sure, Seriously?

The Justice Department decided not to bring charges against Gonzales, however, stating his Obvious Mental Impairment would make it difficult to Obtain a Conviction-

The guy is Half-Retarded, and would never make it through a trial without being deemed Unfit. Having said that, we do believe the American Public should hold those who are truly responsible for him even being in such a position Accountable. For the slow minded, that would be the Democrats, and Republicans who appointed him.

America, your Apathy is going to be the Death of You.


~ by fairlane on September 2, 2008.

6 Responses to “Alberto Gonzales Is an Inept Goomba? Seriously?”

  1. There is a VERY simple explanation for all of this. See, if you use the George Bush meaning of “classified” why that means these papers were reviewed in a classroom. What could be secret about that?

  2. Sadly, I thought that Fredo was the one W tool who was most likely to suffer some punishment (because he is no longer useful). Looks like even that stupid piece of shit will get away with his crimes. Hear that? Just the country’s death rattle.

  3. What’s apathy? Aw hell with it, I’ll look it up later I guess. Whatever.

  4. After reading Randal’s comment I’m now to apathetic to actually say anything.

  5. I thought I was watching Mike Judge’s ‘Idiocracy’ but it turned out to be the Republican Convention. Won’t get fooled again.

  6. You also didn’t mention that John McCain is from Phoenix, so I guess that makes him an elitist too.

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