It’s Jonestown’s Half-Off, Half-Truth Sale!!!

There’s a great bit in the movie “Man of the Year,” about the Media, and the Average American’s lack of Thoughtfulness.

Here’s the Gist-

You’re watching the news, and they have one of those “Point-Counterpoint” segments.

On one side they have a Verifiable Lunatic like, hmmm, I don’t know, how about an “Intelligent Design Theorist,” and on the other side they have a person who’s spent their Entire Adult Life Studying Biology.

Okay.

The debate starts, and they do that Split Screen Thing with the Loon on the Right, and the Scientist on the Left.

What’s the Implication?

Well, the Implication is, since they both have Half a Screen, and because they both get Equal Time to Speak-

They Must Be Equals.

But are They?

Fuck No!

There’s no such thing as an “Intelligent Design Theorist.”

It’s completely MADE UP.

To become an “Intelligent Design Theorist” you don’t have to take any tests, you don’t have to complete any specialized courses (Or any courses for that matter), you don’t have to spend time under the Supervision of an Established “Intelligent Design Theorist,” nor do you have to go through Peer Review if you want to publish some “New Discovery” in the field of “Intelligent Design.”

In fact, all one has to do to become an “Intelligent Design Theorist” in make a Simple Declaration,

Hey, I’m an “Intelligent Design Theorist.”

Cool. Can I be one, too?

Sure.

However, if you turn on CNN, Fox or one of the other “News” channels, the “Intelligent Design Theorist,” and his Pock Marked Face, is right there taking up half of your Television Screen.

Now, I understand the “Media’s” reasoning is mostly centered on Ratings a.k.a. MONEY, and if they put the “Intelligent Design” Schmuck in a box the size of a Postage Stamp, there’d be no Drama or “Controversy,” and people would have no Reason to Tune In.

But there are Serious Consequences to this method of “Debate.”

John/Jane American observe Dr. So and So sitting next to Floyd, the former Mayonnaise Boy at Subway turned “Intelligent Design Theorist,” sharing the Screen, getting Equal Time, and Deduce-

That fancy Dr. with all those fancy letters behind his name must not know anymore ‘n Floyd.

Bingo!

Now you suddenly have “Controversy.”

Of course there is no “Controversy,” because just like the title “Intelligent Design Theorist,” the “Controversy” surrounding Evolutionary Theory is also MADE UP.

But John/Jane American don’t know.

They’re depending on the Media to provide them Information, and the Media isn’t interested in Dispensing Information, or the Truth.

That shit don’t sell.

Controversy, Lies, and Bullshit are numbers One, Two, and Three on the New York Times best sellers list, and We Gots Bills t’ Pay.

Hence the quote from Lewis Black’s character, Eddie Langston-

If everything seems credible then nothing seems credible.

So, let’s turn to the Current Presidential Election.

Much is being said about Sarah Palin, and her “Misrepresentations,” “Half-Truths,” “Manipulation of the facts,” etc in regard to her Past.

For starters, what in the Hell is a “Half-Truth?”

I can’t believe you lied to me!

Whatta’ ya’ mean? I told you I was going to the store to get some Cracker Jack, and here it is.

Yes, but you only told me that so you could meet up with your girlfriend. How could you lie to me like that?

I didn’t lie. I only told you Half of the Truth.

The fact is, Sarah Palin is a LIAR!

She knows she didn’t Oppose the “Bridge to Nowhere,” and she knows she isn’t “Anti-Pork.”

It would be one thing if she corrected herself after “Misrepresenting the Facts” the first time, but she didn’t.

She continues to repeat the Same Lines over, and over even though she knows that we know that she knows what she’s saying is NOT TRUE!

Of course Wingdings will say-

It’s not that Bigga’ Deal.

Well, if that’s true, why doesn’t Palin Fess Up? Why not say?

I misspoke, and I apologize. I initially supported the “Bridge to Nowhere,” but once I realized how Pissed Off people were Getting, I withdrew my support.

Although, I did keep the money.

First of all, she doesn’t have to Own Up.

Wingnuts don’t care about the Truth.

Never have, Never Will.

The Incessant Yammering about “Morality” is nothing more than Lipstick on a Pig.

Meaningless Words.

Second, the Media is more than Happy to Cover the GOP’s Collective Fat Ass by calling Palin’s Outright Lies, “Misrepresentations,” “Half-Truths,” etc, etc.

It can’t be a Lie if it’s Half-True. That’s only Half a Lie.

You see, they’ve Created the Illusion of Credibility.

Palin sits smugly at the table with her “Half-Truths,” and “Misrepresentations,” and across from her sits the “Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth.”

Yet, she’s not worried a Bit because she knows once the Show Begins, she and her Half-Truths will have Half a Screen.

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~ by fairlane on September 11, 2008.

12 Responses to “It’s Jonestown’s Half-Off, Half-Truth Sale!!!”

  1. You shouldn’t mislead (I love that word) us like this. Well, at least with President POW and Mooseburger I won’t have to be as creative with the blogging over the next 4/8 years.

    Betcha the Dems run Evan Bayh in 2012.

  2. You’re forgetting facts have an incredibly liberal bias. In order to be balanced you need incredible lies from Mooselini to make sure that the truth is conveniently buried and we can all go on with our lives, blissfully.

    [TexBetsy/MockPaperScissors is the first place I read the name “Mooselini” and I freely steal it. If that’s to truthy, lemme know and I’ll lie about it in future.]

  3. Boy, I have half a mind to buy you half a beer! Palin has got to go. I have half a theory that she is only on the ticket until after the election….and if McCain wins, she will conveniently resign citing overburdening ‘family’ issues….. it is the only intelligently designly way I can think of this….. hire a pit-bull, put some lipschtick on her, let her shoot some animals from a plane….pay her off. the Ketchikan Kandidate. This is getting unreal.

  4. half truths are a dime a dozen these days

  5. Why, I have half a mind to…believe half of this?

  6. The media will always say “we have to present both sides of every issue”, and this is true to a point, but it’s a half-truth, as it were. They only have to present both valid sides to every issue. It is not valid to present creationism on the same footing as science.

    And, yeah, Palin needs to stop making things up.

  7. Presenting “both sides of the issue” is a way of insuring that the stupid are treated with more respect than they deserve. Ok, that sounds nasty. Whatever.

  8. I would like to know if you’ve reevaluated your opinion on people and their willingness to be controlled in light of the Palin phenomenon.

  9. Randal- I’m leaning toward, Hillary Part Deux- The Annihilation.

    UnCon- I’m still smarting over not trademarking “Mc Thuselah,” and “The Care Bear” to worry about “Mooselini.”

    Ok- You don’t know the half of it.

    Raw- On Thursday’s they’re half off.

    Scarlet- You always were a Half-ass.

    Chris- This whole “Fair and Balanced” craze is nonsense.

    If the other side was right, I’d agree with them.

    Pissed- As they say, “Sometimes the truth, hurts.”

    Cowboy- I’ve always said people are “willing” to be controlled.

    It’s a choice.

  10. You nailed it in one.
    The most destructive device in our culture is television.

  11. hahah,… awesome blog today

  12. “If everything seems credible then nothing seems credible”

    BINGO!

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