Impressions of Sarah Palin: Followed by a Brief Plea to “Joe Six-Pack.”

Sarah Palin began last night’s debate with a question-

Is it okay if I call you Joe?

Garsh Nabbit, she’s so Folksy.

At this point in my life, I don’t really know what to say about Republicans anymore. They’ve Insulted me, and just about everyone I know, in Every Way Imaginable.

And last night was No Exception.

I don’t know, maybe I’m simply too Cynical, but I’m not Interested in having a “Buddie” in the White House.

I already have a Favorite Aunt.

But there was Sarah Palin with her “Ya’s,” and “Nuculurs,” and “Hockey Moms,” and Moronic Winks playing to, Hell, I have absolutely no Idea.

All I know is, it Sure as Shit Wasn’t Me.

“Folksy?”

Look, I’ll be the first to admit, Marge Gunderson is quite possibly the Most Adorable character in Film History.

I absolutely Loved Marge.

But there’s a Reason Marge was relegated to serving as a  Police Chief, in a Nowhere Town.

Anything more would ZAP her “Folksy” Head.

Marge was Exactly where she belonged, and she was Cool.

Palin?

Not so much.

She has her Eyes Set on the Big Time.

Sarah Palin is not only an Insult to the Position for which she’s running, She’s an Insult to those she is attempting to Seduce.

Her Performance was so Obvious, so Contrived, at one point, I wondered Out Loud if Palin was Playing off Tina Fey’s now legendary Caricature.

A Self-Parodying Parody of a Parody.

“Joe Six Pack?”

In my former occupation, we have another name for “Joe Six Pack,” we call him,

“Alcoholic.”

And don’t we already have a “Joe Six Pack” in the White House?

And isn’t Old Joe about as Popular as, the Ebola Virus?

Yepper, he’s pretty much made uh Darn Tootin’ mess a’ things.

In fact, it may be a Decade or More before we are able to Repair the Damage left by “Joe,” and his “Six Pack.”

Apparently, Palin, the Mc Cain campaign, and the majority of their Constituents didn’t get the Memo.

Nope, they’re Still Rolling with the same Tired Ass Meme that worked Wonders in 2000.

“Vote for Me. I hang out at the Local Bar, just LIKE YOU!”

Am I the only one that finds this Worrisome? No, not Worrisome, DISTURBING!

Do Republicans really believe “Beerability” is the only Qualification Necessary for a Potential President?

Say it ain’t SO, Joe.

Is it really more Important to Republicans HOW a Candidate says Something rather than What They Actually Say?

If Obama, and Biden began using “Pretty Darn’s,” and “Don’tcha Knows?” would that be enough to Sway You?

What if, during the Next Debate, Obama Winks at you, while smiling that same Glib Smile on which Palin depends whenever it Dawns on Her just How Out of Her Element She Is?

Would that be enough?

Come On, Joe. I cannot allow myself to believe you’re as Fucking Stupid as THEY THINK YOU ARE.

I just can’t.

It’s not Humanly Possible.

She’s Runnin’ Game, Joe,

And

She wants to Turn You Out.

But

You have a Choice.

Isn’t that what you always tell other people, Joe?

That they have a Choice?

How much more Regret can you Swallow?

Isn’t the Shame of Supporting Chimpy enough to at least make you Question your Judgment?

If only a Little?

You were just as Sure in 2000, and in 2004, but now, Now you KNOW you were Wrong, Joe.

In fact, you’re Embarrassed. Afraid to admit it in Mixed Company.

You Were Rooked.

The time has come, Joe, to face the reality that is Your Booby Trapped Life, and to Admit it is you, not the “East Coast Elites,” or the “Liberal Media,” or even the “Republicans,” setting the Traps.

No, Joe, you have no one to blame, but-

Yourself.

Folksy ain’t a Virtue.

It’s a Myth, a Caricature invented on the Cutting Room Floor.

Don’t be an Asshole, Joe.

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~ by fairlane on October 3, 2008.

13 Responses to “Impressions of Sarah Palin: Followed by a Brief Plea to “Joe Six-Pack.””

  1. well said.

  2. Break me up. That is the next Stimulant From The Rep;ub;li;cans. I wisha six pack in the fridge for all the six inch dick thinkers. Course, during last night’s debatage most of those Joes were watching b ase ba ll.

    I usally think… and then get beer to drown most of my thoughts. Hasn’t worked lately. But I still honor traditions…. one beer at a time.

  3. But there was Sarah Palin with her “Ya’s,” and “Nuculurs,” and “Hockey Moms,” and Moronic Winks playing to, Hell, I have absolutely no Idea.

    Good god, she’s Bush Lite!

  4. Nice post, Fairlane.

    I think that “fool me once, fool me twice” thing goes over their heads.

    Regards,

    Tengrain

  5. fairlane, I love this post so much that I have no words to describe how much I love it. I am so sick of being insulted and lied to by these fucks. McCain IS an evil fuck who will continue to pursue the agendas of the people who put Bush in power. Palin IS a fucking idiot christofascist who should not be anywhere near the presidency. The Republicans DO NOT care about the so-called average American, the middle class, or the working class. These are truths and I am tired of lies being shoved down my throat. Why can we not have an honest discussion in this country? Because people don’t want truth, they WANT TO BE DUPED.

    Mr. Riot and I have decided that people are prohibitively stupid; prohibitive in the sense that their stupidity prohibits us from being around them. The hermit’s life is looking pretty good to me right now.

  6. Has anyone seen the foreign polls on the US election? I never saw polls from Saudi Arabia or Dubai or China but I saw the rest of them and they’re all the same: 93-7 plus or minus in favor of Obama/Biden.

    FAIRLANE, there is no criticism of either Obama or Biden that you can come up with that I won’t support completely. Obama’s not running for president of Panama. Martin Torrijos is the president and Balbina Herrera will likely be the next one. Of course, their views are both more socially conscious and more responsibly pro-business than any Democrat could ever be. Of course, established law in Panama is more protective of civil rights and civil liberties than US law is. Of course, we have single-payer health care at top quality, very strong privacy rights, and very tough anti-discrimination laws. Certainly no death penalty or even life sentences. No Democrat could be as evolved socially or as “capitalist” as Torrijos or Herrera.

    It does seem, however, that with Palin the Wingnuts have gone that final step over the line and the responsible and intelligent candidate will win the US general election easily. That’s plenty for me.

  7. “We’ve had enough of HOO-SAIN.”

    I’m getting sick and tired of my vote being wasted on canceling out the vote of a fucking incurious tool. Come on, extraterrestrials, when will you be starting the mass rube abductions?

  8. Dear Fairlane- Look, I know it’s flawed. I know it’s all jacked up. I know we’re fucked, but seriously, you have stated here on more than one occasion that you’re not voting for a Democrat. I am ideologically a Green Party or somethinorothernoparty person, but the reality is that it is Obama or it is McCain and unless we all, everysinglelastoneofus, boycott the election, we have no room to risk a Palin presidency which would be, yes, like Chimpy on meth. and estrogen. So, I hear (and respect) your plea for Joe Sixpacks (aka alcoholics out there- hey, I’m one) to resist their baser instincts to vote for her, but what good in hell will that do if none of the smart ones vote for Obama and they all vote for Nader?

    I’ve been saying it all along. If Obama doesn’t win, batton down the hatches ’cause we’re for sure goin’ down. (And, yes, there is no guarantee we won’t anyway, but it’s a surefire guarantee with McCain.)

    Did my folksy “surefire” or Palin’s “say it ain’t so” convince you to vote for Obama (not that it’s any of my business)? I just don’t want to watch one of my (or your) daughters die from accidentally taking pennyroyal oil internally rather than brewing the leaves or rubbing the oil on their bellies to induce miscarriage when birth control and abortions are illegal (not that one could find pennyroyal at that point).

  9. FREIDABEE: Alan Garcia, the President Of Peru, used to command right-wing paramilitary death squads in the 1980s. Barack Obama is to Garcia’s right. Barack Obama would be too extreme for Peru. But if Obama is 1 standard deviation too far right for Peru, McCain is 6 st devs too far right for Peru.

    I prefer Nader and McKinney’s ideas, of course, but for the USA, an Obama win would be a very fine result.

  10. Perfect. Kudos Fairlane. And no, I didn’t watch. But I also don’t slow down to look at an accident scene either.

  11. I didn’t watch it either but naturally I’ve seen the (high)lights on the tubes. Perhaps it wouldn’t have mattered that much had it been a choice between McCain and Obama but the very idea that Palin could end up as VP completely settles the matter in my mind.

  12. Well, golly gosh, man. Long time no see. I saw Palin’s performance, and I thought she was just great. Darn tootin’. She just a’ hammered Biden with zingers an’ all he could do was be boring. Palin’s gonna be a great VP. (wink)

  13. Do Republicans really believe “Beerability” is the only Qualification Necessary for a Potential President?

    Well, the least they could do is pick someone who drinks good beer and not the domestic mass produced swill that has dominated this country since Prohibition ended. 😉

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