Narcissus in the Garden of Eden

The Fall

“What you seek is nowhere; but turn yourself away, and the object of your love will be no more.”
Ovid, Metamorphoses

Willful Ignorance.

Willfully Ignorant.

Knowing the Truth, and Choosing to Ignore It.

Coming to conclusions that Reinforce, Rationalize, Justify your Personal Beliefs, when you are Well Aware, said Conclusions are Categorically False.

Willful Ignorance=Denial.

Let me set the table-

I occasionally visit a blog Owned/Operated by one of my close friends who happens to be a Wingnut. The reason for my visits vary. Some times I visit because my friend asks me to check out his latest post, and offer feedback. Other times, I visit because living in an Echo Chamber is Unhealthy, and it can be Refreshing to Hear/Read a different Perspective.

Ah, but Some Times, sometimes, I stumble onto his Lawn with the Intention of Causing Trouble.

You know how it is. You see that Big Fat Hornet’s Nest sitting there, Mocking You, and suddenly you’re Overcome with the Desire to Smack the Shit Out of It with a Big Stick.

Never happens to you, eh?

What can I say?

I have ADHD.

Conflict is Stimulating.

Why, after a Good Knock Down Drag Out, I often feel more Connected to the World.

Strange, huh?

Of course it’s not always Rose Petals, and Champagne.

It drives the Majority of my girlfriends absolutely Bat Shit Insane.

How can you sit there Smiling?

I don’t know. I’m not Angry anymore.

Well, I AM!

That’s cool. I’m gonna Run to the Store. You need anything? No? Okay, I love you.

Seems callous, I know.

What am I supposed to do, sit down, and explain to her that Conflict increases the Dopamine levels in my brain, which, in turn, makes it easier for me to Concentrate?


I’ll tell you what. You try it first, and let me know how it goes.


I appreciate your patience.

Right, so I wander over to my friend’s on occasion to to cause a Little Trouble, not much, just a Bit.

Well, the easiest way to do that is to comment on one of the other writer’s posts.


Hornets swarming.

The Sky is Falling.

They love me over there. Seriously. I’m fairly certain at least two of the writers want to make Sweet Man Love to Me.

Those Wingnuts, and their Repressed Penis, Lollipop, and Back Hair Fantasies.

Garsh bless’em.

You betcha’.

(Doggone It, Ain’t I Folksy?)

So, as fate would have it, I’m visiting a few days ago, and the next thing I know, I’m in it up to my ears with quite possibly the Most Ignorant human being on the face of the Fucking Planet.

I think my first comment began-

You’re such a Douche Bag.

(I know, the Charm rolls off my keyboard).

From there, our “Debate” slowly degenerated.

What’s my Beef with the Guy?

First, as I mentioned, he’s a Douche Bag.

Second, he’s a Douche Bag.

Third he’s a Lying, Manipulative, Hyper-Religious, Willfully Ignorant Douche Bag.

Look, in all honesty, I can handle Stupidity.

Some people simply can’t help it.

Maybe they’re missing a Chromosome or Two.


Maybe Ma’ cracked them upside the head with a Two by Four when they were Five, causing permanent Brain Damage.

I understand, some shit is out of people’s control.

But the Willfully Ignorant?

Where in the Fuck do these people come from, and how did they Survive?

I swear it makes me question the Validity of Natural Selection.

Here’s how it began-

In my most Humble Opinion, anyone who voted for Chimpy Mc Stagger, (Voluntarily) abdicated their Rights, and Responsibilities as Adults.

I don’t give a Shit if now, in hindsight,  they’re looking back on the Chimpy Years with Regret, and Remorse.


They’ve clearly demonstrated they have the Intellectual Capacity, and Moral Judgment of a Six Year Old, so, from now on, They Eat at the Kid’s Table.

Sit Down, Put Your Napkin in Your Lap, and Shut Your Fucking Yap.

(Garsh, I hope that WIngnut who lectured me about using the “F-Bomb” returns. If only I had an “F-Bomb,”  I’d drop it on his House).

Well, my host didn’t take Kindly to muh Ass-ertion.

After all, Chimpy may very well be one of the Worst Leaders in All of Human History, but he’s still Better n’ Gore or Kerry. Besides, Chimpy is a “God Fearing Man.”

Okay, I’ll concede that Gore was most likely created in a Laboratory, and that Kerry has the Flavor of an Albino White Dude (Whitey Squared?) who just spent six weeks taking “Cool” Lessons from Bob Saget.

On that much, we can Agree.

However, Gore, and Kerry have a Distinct Advantage over Chimpy of II-

They Speak English.

Here’s a Clue.

If a Presidential Nominee uses made up words while talking about his “Education Plan”-


He’s not “Nervous,” or “Mush Mouthed.”


He’s suffering from a Severe Case of Dumbass.

And every Decision He Makes will be Tainted with the Lethal Dumbass Virus.

I offer to you, Kindly Reader, the Last 8 Years as Indisputable Proof.

You see.

Wingnuts want to Pretend voting for Chimpy was an “Honest Mistake” made with Good Intentions.

A Mistake anyone could Make.

Kind of like eating the Main Course with your Salad Fork.

In other words-

They didn’t Mean too.

And because it was an “Honest Mistake,” they believe they should get a Do-Over.

I say-

No, to You, Dear Sir.

No. No. No.

Your “Honest Mistake” Scarred this Country.

Our Debt is now beyond even Stephen Hawking’s comprehension.

Our Foreign Policy makes about as much Sense as David Lynch’s “Lost Highway,” and many of our Long Time Allies look upon us with Suspicion.

We are currently fighting TWO Wars, which we are Losing.

That reminds me-

During my “Conversation,” one of the other Contributors made this Remark-

Unlike Liberals, Conservatives LEARN FROM HISTORY.

What they Learn, he Never Said.

(I didn’t have the Heart to Tell Him just because I Refuse to Agree with Idiots does not mean I’m a “Liberal.” I assumed he’s Dealt with Enough Psychological Trauma in His Life).

Have I mentioned the Bail Out yet?


What about “No Childs Leaved Behind?”

Ah, and we can’t forget the suggestion that Social Security Recipients would be Better Served if Wall Street was Handling Their Money.

Hurricane Katrina?

The “Faith Based Initiative?”

Illegal Wiretapping, The Patriot Act, Gitmo, Rampant Deregulation, Weakening of Environmental Laws, The Injection of Fanatical Religiosity into Every Nook, and Cranny of Our Government, Alberto Gonzalez, Harriet Miers, John Bolton, Condoleeza Rice, Dick Cheney, The Centralization of Power, Chuck Norris, Iran, North Korea, Job Loss, and the Declining Standard of Living?

Quite an Impressive List of Fuck Ups.

Wouldn’t You Say?

Not in the “Minds” of some.

According to my Host?

It’s the Liberal’s Fault.


After all, Chimpy isn’t even a “Conservative,” which Explains why “Conservatives” voted for him.

Liberals Tricked the Cons by holding the Elections in 2000, and 2004 on “Opposite Day.”

They didn’t really want to Vote for Chimpy, but because they have such Exacting Moral Standards, they were Compelled to follow the Rules.

What happened to the “Simple Mistake” excuse, you may or may not be Asking?

I apologize, but even with the assistance of the Weather Channel, I had trouble following the Tsunami of Bullshit.

It turns out, after much Reflection, the Wingnuts agreed the “Simple Mistake” excuse involved Too Much “Personal Responsibility,” and not enough “East Coast Elitists.”

Come on, People.

Owning up for Your Actions ain’t exactly a great Segue into Railing about Commies, Baby Killers, Fags, Traitors, and Terrorist Lovers now, Is It?


And I must admit, he Nailed Me.

Especially with that “Baby Killing” bit.

I Fucking Hate Babies.

Nasty, Putrid, Revolting, Self-Absorbed, Whiny, Despicable Creatures.

I can’t count how many times I’ve fantasized about Driving a Pick Axe through the Soft Spot of every Baby I see.

Why, when I attend meetings at the “We Hate America, and Would Love Nothing More Than to Turn It Into a Commie Cesspool of Terrorist Loving, Pre-Marital Sex, Abortion on Demand, and All Around Evilness with Gay Marriage Thrown In for Good Measure Association,” (WHAWLNMTTIICCTLPADAAEGMTIGMA, for short), we sit around comparing notes on the most Effective Ways to Rid the World of “Innocent Babies.”

“Innocent,” my Black Arse!

Tell that to the Cashmere Sweater my sister’s Little Parasite Puked on.

I say, BAH!

tHe SKy IS faLiNG!!

I want to live on Sugar Mountain.

I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I Do Not Like Them, Sam I AM.

There is no Personal Responsibility other than what You Are Willing to Accept.

The Master, the power structure, is diseased with such unreasoning cruelty, arrogance, fear, and rage…it could well drown in its own blood.

All I know is, regardless of the Evidence, this isn’t my Fault.

If anyone is “Innocent,” he said.

It. Is. ME.

Just don’t ask Him to Look Away.


~ by fairlane on October 25, 2008.

6 Responses to “Narcissus in the Garden of Eden”

  1. They don’t want to own this mess. In their black hearts, they are hoping for a Democratic landslide so they can (1) blame the mess on the Dems and (2) trust that the Dems will clean up their fucking mess AGAIN.

    Just don’t expect many of them to admit it.

  2. I’d like to comment, but apparently I’m dead.

    You mean none of you non-goopers are rooting for the same thing so we can have even more Fun With Wingnuts! in 2012?

    I’m sorry I shit all over your lawn, but it was an honest mistake.

  3. You big meanie, pointing out the obvious to people trying to live with their heads up their arses! I F-bomb in your general di-lection!

  4. FAIRLANE/RANDAL: Seriously, fellers. How do you guys live with this shit day in and day out? I don’t think I actually can visit the USA until 2013, depending on whom Obama selects as Attorney General and whether Nancy Pelosi lets Frank-Wexler-Paul out of committee and it passes in a certain form and Obama signs it, all of which are dicey propositions. And if Obama’s AG takes the Gonzales/Mukasey reading on UIGEA, I’ll never see the USA again. Whatever.

    It’s enough of a treat never to have to see or hear Wingnuts again, and to live among people for whom 9/11 is absolutely meaningless.

    But, jeez, FAIRLANE, your home state’s lock-city for McCain/Palin and Randal’s looks like a very small Obama win. Mostly, you guys have to deal with real-life Wingnuts every day, in the flesh. Those people scare me, man. And I know that Obama’s going to win an electoral landslide but the Wingnuts will continue to frame the discourse. They have all the power.

  5. I happen to think Bob Saget is cool, but what do I know?

  6. How do you guys live with this shit day in and day out?

    Pills. Booze. Loud “rawk” and roll.

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