Wingnuts, Wealth Redistribution, and What Was Palin Wearing?

There is a great deal of Yammering about “Wealth Redistribution” coming from Lower Wingnuttia these days.

Everywhere you turn you hear Winguts rolling out the “S,” and “C” words, in an attempt to recapture the Former Glory of the Mc Carthy Era.

Why, even “Joe the Not Plumber, and Tax Evader” is Up in Arms over Obama’s plan to take a Piece of His Piece of the Pie, and give it to Lazy Coloreds, Illegal Aliens, and Members of Al-Qaeda.

Glory Be, Obama’s gonna turn ‘Merica in’a tha’ Soveeut Yurnyun!

Once Again-

The Sky Is Falling!

Christ, it’s almost Impossible to Keep Up with the Wingnuts, and their Freak Out du jour.

When do they have time to Eat or to spend with their Families?

Do they bring the kids along to the Meetings so, they, Too, can learn to Live Forever on Edge?

They must because there’s simply No Way to Conceal such High Levels of Anxiety. Kids are Smart, and  eventually they’ll Notice your Finger Nails are chewed to the Quick.

In a Small Way, I Feel Sorry for the Wingnuts.

Living in a Perpetual State of !RED ALERT! has to be Exhausting, and it’s no Wonder so Many of Them have Nasty Dispositions.

And the truly Perturbing Aspect is, 99% of the Shit that gets the Wingnut’s Freak Flag Flying, Inevitably turns out to be Complete, and Utter Bullshit.

To paraphrase the Late Rick James-

The Stress Hormone Cycle is a Helluva’ Drug.

Oh, What a Wicked Web the Wingnuts have Inadvertently Weaved.

The more they Whip themselves into a Frenzy, the more Susceptible to Stress, and its Long Term Effects They Become.

A Self-Perpetuating cycle of Destruction.

(I’d bet my last nickel Wingnuts have Shorter Lifespans).

So, the Wingnuts are in Full On “He’s a Commie” Mode, and I can’t help wondering-

Do these Dummies Think before running off at the Mouth?


Seriously, listening to some guy from Mississippi bitch, and moan about the “Redistribution of Wealth” is equivalent to Chuck Norris criticizing someone for their Dye Job.

Really? You want to go there?

The Dye Job?


Look, Wingnuts.

If you live in one of those “Red States,” you need to Keep Your Pie Hole Closed whenever the discussion turns to the “Redistribution of Wealth.”


Shut It.


Well, check this out-

1. New Mexico- $2.03

2. Mississippi- $2.02

3. Alaska- $1.84

4. Louisiana- $1.78

5. West Virginia- $1.76

6. North Dakota- $1.68

7. Alabama- $1.66

8. South Dakota- $1.53

9. Kentucky- $1.51

9. Virginia- $1.51

10. Montana- $1.47

What is that you Ask?

My Friends, that is the Redistribution of Wealth Top Ten.

That’s right.

For each dollar those states pay to the Feds, that’s what they Get Back.

Talk about “Welfare.”

Confused? Seriously?


For every $1.00 Mississippi pays in Federal Taxes, they Receive $2.02 in Return (That’s Chimpy Math).

Get it Now?

That, is “Wealth Redistribution,” on a National Level.

And you People have the Audacity to Whine about “Socialism?”

Are you Fucking Kidding Me?

Look here, “Red Staters,” without the “Redistribution of Wealth,” your States would have Exactly-

Jack Shit.

That’s right, Gomer.

Need a New School?

Too Fucking Bad.

Roads Worn Out?

Tough Titties.

Garsh, we sure could use a New Bridge?

Best start chopping down some trees, and get ta’ building yourselves a couple Canoes.

Oh, just in case you’re wondering about the Rest of the List.

Eighteen out of the Top 20 Welfare Recipients are “Red States.”

And Good Old Commie California?

California gets $0.78 for every Ducket they Pay (That’s 78 Cents).

Yep, those Old Commie Bastards are not only Paying for their Shit, they’re also Paying for YOURS!

Ain’t that a Bitch?

Hardly seems Fair. Especially the way you “Real Americans” constantly Bad Mouth the “anti-American, Leftist Coast.”

On a more local level, I’ll use my Fine State, Kentucky, as a Shining Example of the Glories of Wealth Redistribution.

Did you know that despite the fact that Louisville only has around 25% of the State’s population, We, for some Inexplicable Reason, are stuck Paying over 40% of the State’s Taxes?

Can someone Explain that to me because the way I learnt Math, 25 ain’t equal ta’ 40?

Imagine if the Citizens of Louisville finally got Fed Up with the Cletus’, and Clem’s out in the Holler talking Shit about all Us “Godless Libruls,” and decided-

Fine, Fuck You! From now on, pay for your own Goddamn Oxycontin.

I bet Clem would change his mind Quicker’n a Broke Dick Dog Smack Dab n’a Middul uh’fa Rabid Coon Fight.

Ah, that would never happen. The Truth Is, the Majority of People don’t mind so much because they Understand we’re all in this Together, and if we let the Hazard, and Boone Counties of America Sink, there wouldn’t be anyone left to Mow the Grass.

Ha, Ha, Ha.

Get It?

Mow the Grass?

That was an “Elitist” Joke.

Nah, Ah’s jus pullin’ yer Leg.

We, for the most part, Care about you People, even though you behave as Ungrateful Children.

But you need to Wake Up, and Soon!

You’re Wearing Thin, Red America.

People are getting Tired of the Sky Falling every Fifteen Fucking Minutes.

I recognize Irony is Beyond You, but I’m not Asking for a Miracle.

All I’m asking is, Please, for Once in Your Life-


In other words, Study a Subject before you COME TO A FUCKING CONCLUSION!

Your “Gut Feeling” ain’t Good Enough No More.

(I mean, some of you have Guts so Unfathomably Large, they’re more than likely Devoid of Nerve Cells anyway, which makes the whole “Gut Feeling” argument Devoid of Logic).

Get It Together, Wingnuts!

If you don’t like “Socialism,” MOVE!

Get a Job, in a CITY!

Get off the Farm, and Return the Subsidy Money.

You have a Problem with the “Redistribution of Wealth?”


Get on the Horn, after reading the rest of this post, and tell your State Rep-

Hey, Bootlicker, we don’t need that New School or that New Bridge…or Roads. The people who Earned the Money Should Get to Keep the Money.

Yeah, Right.


~ by fairlane on October 28, 2008.

19 Responses to “Wingnuts, Wealth Redistribution, and What Was Palin Wearing?”

  1. You rock Fairlane. Thanks for the reminder about how the “wealth redistribution” is already happening. However, the thing with the poor wingnuts voting for McCain is this: they’re usually white and the “socialism” epithet they rotely toss out is a mask for the more insidious reason of racism. A black President — even a half black one — scares the shit out of them.

  2. Good stuff Fairlane. I am just about to think about posting. And Spart is right. I think each of us have or will have to confront some basic, personal issues of race(ism). Obama is clearly the best man this year but there are still people with brain tumors who would not let a black nuero-surgeon save their life. And meanwhile Sarah Palin leads a chantning crowd- “Drill Baby Drill”

  3. I cut my own grass, like a Real American®, after I’ve pulled myself up by my own bootstraps that I made myself from leather I tanned myself from animals I bought myself with money I earned myself.

    Hey, what’s goin’ on on this side?

  4. Wow, strong batch of “Oh Yeah!” today, Fairlane. I’m off to shout it from teh mountain tops!

  5. Haha, too funny. So tell me again… those states that get all of that “Federal money”… where does that money come from?

  6. Spart- I think what you think is, Absolutely Correct.

    Dave- I look forward to your next post.

    Racism is a part of America. Always was.

    At least, it’s coming out into the Light of Day where it can be Smashed.

    Randal- How did you make the “All Rights Reserved” Symbol?

    What’s going on where?

    O’Tim- Shout It, Brother.

    mssc- Let me give you a quick example.

    (I’m going on memory so, the numbers may be off a hair).

    In 2001, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama received a combined 27 billion dollars more than they paid in Federal Taxes.

    In that same year, Californians paid over 20 billion more than they received.

    That’s from where it comes, Redistribution, which, as I said, is cool.

    But you can’t claim to be against it, when you couldn’t exist without it.

    Off topic, kind of.

    Did you know that the majority of rich people have no problem with being taxed at a higher rate?

  7. This might be among your top one posts. I have never seen it laid out like this and with such colorful language. You do this topic more than justice you make it hilarious. Well done.

  8. yes, yes. obama, he’s the “redistributor.”

    and i totally have to laugh when the mccain and palin crowds boo and haw when they hear the words, “redistribution of wealth.” well, ‘joe the plumber’ and all his guys have all had their modest pensions and ira’s wiped out, their homes are worth nothing, and there they are nodding along with cindy mccain about how bad “redistribution” is. don’t they know that, during the past 8 years, their modest wealth (if you can call it that) has been systematically redistributed upwards to people like cindy mccain and the other one-percenters and the real point of all this rhetoric is that THEY (the one-percenters_ are the ones who don’t want to go back to a place (like the ’90’s) where there was at least a modicum (comparatively speaking of course), or at least a minor though given to, the economic welfare of the “unrich” (my term). it’s these ‘low information voters’ (obviously, someone else’s term) that are shouting “socialist” and “marxist” and “communist” when they don’t even know the meaning of any of those words, and probably think they all mean the same thing: terrorist.

    i, too, hate to sound elitist, but that’s just how i, from my little desk here in the hudson valley, feel.

    so there.

  9. Wealth redistribution? Who is CARRYING your asses, mother fvckers? Seriously.

    Good writing, Mr. Lane.

  10. Utah- I’m well known for my colorful language, and Sponge Bob boxers.

    Anita- I don’t think most Wingnuts care to learn what those words mean.

    It’s so much easier to Parrot.

    Empress- They don’t see it that way. I was asking a Wingnut about this very thing a few weeks ago, and he blamed the “Liberals.”

    Said he’d give back the money if he could.

    Yeah, I bet.

    Reminds me of George Costanza- “My entire life is a Lie.”

  11. I did a map of this a few months back, might interest you:

    America’s Welfare Queens

  12. Great post. I stole it from you. Copied it rather, and sent it to a few acquiantances in Lower Wingnuttia (Florida).


  14. This reminded me of the “Fuck the south” rant I read after the 2004 election. I love both! Bravo!

  15. Nice post, homie.

    I never thought of it that way, and to see how we Califorians always take it in the shorts for the rest of the country actually layed out in cold numbers was a revelation.

    I suppose I should be thankful that the politicians only come here as an ATM machine.



  16. Amen, Fairlane. Nice work. As you know, I deal with this every day here in Alabama. Dipshits to my left, and dipshits to my right. Morons every which way. And there’s no reasoning with them, either. That’s what’s most frustrating. It’s one thing to be wrong, but to be belligerent about it is insane.

  17. Gin- If this story were on television, maybe it would shut some people up.

    Nah, who am I kidding?

    Wide- Wow, you think?

    Maybe he could do a “Special” Bleeped Out version. The colorful language is what makes it exciting.

    Citizen- I hope they enjoy.

    Roll- Much appreciated. That “Fuck the South” post sounds like it would go well with my “I Blame the Rednecks.”

    Ten- As you know, if not for my daughter, I’d be in Northern Cali in a heart beat.

    But what do expect from these assholes. Have you ever been to Mississippi?


    reasic- I still can’t get over the fact you live in Alabama, and I live in Kentucky.

    We must have done something truly heinous in a previous life.

  18. Good rant.

    I love the “Redistribution of Wealth Top Ten”. One of my favorite stats.

    Oh and the ® is created by typing out: ampersand, number sign, 174 semicolon. Sometimes ampersand reg semicolon works too.

  19. They don’t SEE it that way? I guess they SEE whatever the fvck they want?


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