Bail’em Out, Bail’em Out, Shish-Boom-BAH!!

So, GM, Chrysler, and Ford are asking for a piece of the Bailout Pie?


Why Not?

While we’re at it, how about reserving all Donated Organs for people over the age of 87?

I mean, why waste a Perfectly Good Heart on someone who may actually use it?

No, that’s Crazy Talk.

The “Big Three.”

Yep, let’s Bail’em Out because, well, they Deserve It.

While the Rest of the World caved after the Oil Embargo of the 1970’s, and began making Automobiles that were actually Worth a Shit, American Car Manufacturers said,

Nah. We have our hand Firmly on the Pulse of the American Consumer, and we know what they Really Want-

And Garsh Bliggedy, were they Ever Right!

I can’t count how many nights I tossed and turned in bed because I was so Excited by the Prospect of One Day being able to Purchase my Very Own Dodge Omni GT.

I know I’m not the Only One.

Sure, Honda came out with something called the “Civic” around this time-

And sure, the “Civic” turned out to be one of the Most Successful, Well Made, Affordable, Fuel Efficient Cars in History.

But did the “Civic” come in Metallic Pea Green or Sofa from that John Holmes Porn Right Before He Died Gold?

I don’t think so.

Do you know how many former Assistant Managers at Radio Shack got their First Glimpse of the Female Nipple in the Backseat of one of those American Made Beauties?

Well, neither do I, but I’m sure it’s at least 7 or 8.

Ah, the Golden Shower, Er, Age of the Automobile.

Yep, let’s Bail’em Out because allowing them to Sink would be downright Unpatriotic.

I mean, since the 1970’s, American Car Manufacturers have learned their lesson, right?


Can someone, please, explain to me how you go from this-


I will give them credit. After 30 plus years, America finally made a Civic-

Unfortunately, our “Civic” is made out of Melted Bottle Caps, and Old Plastic Spoons.

Of course, Wingnuts are blaming the Unions for the Mess in Detroit.


It’s the “Union’s Fault.”

The Working Man, Average Joe, Joe Six-Pack is always to Blame.

It wasn’t enough for Joe to cause the Banking Meltdown because he thought he should have the Right to Own a House, Oh, No, he had to go and Sink Detroit, too.

This has NOTHING to do with Hubris, Laziness, Lack of Ingenuity/Foresight, Indifference, and Greed.

These are not the Droids You’re Looking For.

Move Along.

Nope, Joe Six-Pack, with his Bad Attitude, and Sense of Entitlement is the Reason the “Big Three” are about to Collapse for the 15th Fucking Time.

American Car Manufacturers ignored Advances in Technology, they Ignored the Reality that Oil is a Finite Resource, they Ignored Trends in the Auto Industry, they Ignored the Impact of Globalization, they Bet their Futures on SUV’s, and they made Cars that were Unreliable, Chintzy, and Downright Fucking Ugly.

Joe was, Behind. It. All.

While the Japanese focused on Reliability, Fuel Efficiency, and Quality, the “Big Three” made Expensive Junk.

Even in the 1970’s, it was Obvious the “Big Three” were in Serious Trouble, and that they needed to Change Direction.

But they DIDN’T.

In fact, they Flat Out Refused.

Instead, they attempted to Pull Our Patriotic Heart Strings.

Unfortunately, Most People’s Heart Strings are attached to their Purse Strings, and after spending 1000’s of Dollars to keep their American Heaps Running, Many People Concluded-

Never Again.

You see, Wingnuts, Union Workers are not the Ones Making the Decisions.

They are the Employees, not the E M P L O Y E R S.

The Employers/Owners Decide.

The Union Workers put the Cars together, but they Do Not Design Those Cars.

Toyota came up with this-


Honda Continued to Perfect their Civic-


America, once they finally got around to it, Made Knockoffs.

Okay, I’ll concede the Chevy Aveo is Less Expensive than the Honda Civic.

But if you sit in an Aveo, it’s Obvious why-

Cheep, Cheep, Cheep!

In fact, I believe “Aveo” is Spanish for Crappy, Plastic Bird.

The “Glory Years” of the 50’s, and 60’s created the Illusion that Detroit would dominate the Automobile Market Forever, Regardless.

Detroit was Wrong.

And they’ve been wrong for Decades.

Yes, it’s Absurd that someone with a Ninth Grade Education makes $50 an hour to tighten a Bolt.

I think most people would agree.

But to claim that’s the Reason (And the ONLY Reason) the “Big Three” are Going Under is yet another example of the Rampant Mental Retardation within the Confines of Wingnuttia (By the way, I thought “Joe Six Pack” was a “Blue Collar” type guy. Why does he Hate Himself?)

I could go on, but I’m Tired, and there’s really No Point.

I’ve owned American Cars, and I’ve Owned Foreign Cars.

I’ll never Purchase an American Car Again.

Spending My Time, and Hard Earned Money to Keep a Car Running is Not Something that Interests Me.

If that makes me “Unpatriotic,” then Pass the Borscht on the Left Hand Side, Comrade.

Bottom Line-

The “Big Three” got away with Making Shit for Far Too Long, and now it’s Time to Pay the Piper.

A “Bail Out” will only Postpone the Inevitable.

For Tengrain

(The opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect those of Jonestown, it’s Sponsors or, even, the Author. It’s well within the Realm of Possibility that this post was written under Duress or, at the very least, under the Influence of Psilocybin Mushrooms. Then again, it’s also Possible that He meant every word of it. Who Knows? That was a Rhetorical Question. Or was it? This Blog Makes No Sense).


~ by fairlane on November 21, 2008.

17 Responses to “Bail’em Out, Bail’em Out, Shish-Boom-BAH!!”

  1. Those CEO’s being filmed arriving in their private jets didn’t help their cause.

    I hear you on this. The Big 3 squandered opportunity and profits and sat on their asses content with SUV’s and pickup trucks while Toyota and Honda innovated.

    Congress has been “talking tough” this week, but they’ll probably cave. After the big $700 billion cheesecake, what’s another $25 billion, right?

  2. Fairlane –

    You left out the AMC Pacer, you know, the car that looked like a knocked up Gremlin.

    I’m surprised at you.



  3. I disagree. Here is a golden opportunity to force some change on the American auto industry AND save ourselves from importing even more cheap Chinese junk.

    The loan guarantees can come with some pretty harsh strings on them, like the departure of the top echelon of executives and a mandatory CAFE average to be achieved in 5 years, instead of 20. This could be an excellent investment in the future of American industry.

    As far as quality goes, my Malibu is now 11 years old, and I can’t bear the thought of parting with it. Detroit is absolutely capable of making a great product.

  4. First, a blog entry I made, a while ago:

    GM Finally Sees the Writing On The Wall

    Second, as to your comment on the Aveo: It’s made in South Korea. And as I wrote in Flint Expatriats Blog comment board: how else do you explain that a 6’4″ person hits the roof of a Cavalier/Cobalt when a Korean-made Aveo gives said person plenty of headroom to spare? I can’t…not without playing into the critic’s hands. (to be fair, the Honda Civic also punished the top of my head, and while the Ford Focus fit me within itself, I had to adjust the seat downward).

    Finally, Do you honestly want GM, Ford and Chrysler to go out of business? Fact is, the bankruptcy of these three companies would destroy the economy of Michigan, a large number of retirement communities, a sizeable medical community, and a number of factories that supply the Big 3 with parts. Not only that, but with the gutted pensions and medical insurance, you’ll see a final going-away party as upper management of these three companies bestow themselves with a final bonus looting funded by monies originally put aside for the workers.

    If nothing else, it appears the Senate and House will actually put forth some qualifications on whatever aid they give. Like layoffs of management and limits on management salaries (remember Iaccoca’s $1/year salary?) and deep cuts by workers. Plus an idea of what they’re doing and how they’re working to get out of the mess.

    (and don’t be surprised if the bail-out doesn’t happen anyway. The South hates Yankees, California bows to Japan and the East Coast bows to Wall Street. Michigan’s economic death will tickle all three groups to no end.)

  5. DED- They’ll cave. They have no choice. We’re talking about millions of jobs, and, as we all know, Americans only like consequences when they’re applied to others.

    Ten- Updated for your viewing pleasure.

    Jolly- They’ll never punish the people running these companies. Never.

    The workers will be the ones, and we may as well get it over now or we’ll be talking about this same subject a year or five down the road.

    25 Billion won’t even last a year.

    No offense, because you’re my homie, but the Malibu isn’t exactly “Innovative,” and it’s not the type of car that will carry GM through to the end of this century. We need to get away from gas guzzling cars. They have the technology to make cars that get 50, 60, even 100 MPG. Americans need to get over their infatuation with “Horsepower.” I dusted a Focus the other day, in my Hybrid.

    Godozo- My point about the Aveo is, instead of coming up with an idea ourselves, we sub out the ideas. We have the best engineers in the world living in this country. Korea?

    The last American car I owned, a Ford, I spent $2000 in one year just to keep the fucking thing running. That’s absurd.

    Many people, and I mean Many People, will never purchase an American car because of their horrible reputation. A reputation that was/is well earned.

    No, I don’t really want them to go belly up. But how many more industries are we going to bail out?

    If you start a business, is anyone going to “bail” you out?

    Hell, no.

    The scale shouldn’t matter. All it does is encourage more irresponsible behavior.

    The S and L’s, the Energy Industry, the Airline Industry (Three Times), the Banking Industry, and now the Automobile Industry (Again).

    The Right Wingers incessantly bitch, and moan about “Free Market” Capitalism, well, let’s have some “Free Market” Capitalism. You fuck up, you go bankrupt. No “Golden Parachutes,” Nothing, Nada, Zip, Zilch, and any money you earn in the future is taken to help pay off the debt you helped accrue.

    It’s harsh, I know, and I’m sorry, but when you couple the “Bail outs” with the never ending wars, we’re potentially headed down a path that could very well bankrupt this entire country.

    3 Million people compared to 300 Million.

    By the way, I thought my play off the word “Aveo” was quite clever.

  6. Those cars are sexy, don’t hate. My husband is a mustang aficionado and he doesn’t know what the hell happened to the mustang in the 1980s.

  7. Win or lose, unions may never be the same after this. They may become extinct.

  8. Unions have basically lost their strength when the government adopted labor laws and enforced safety and other humane safeguards such as unemployment insurance, welfare and holiday time.

    After the turn of the last century the worker had none of the above so the union became a vital cog and the government slowly took over.

    Now that the average employee expects this as right, it is no longer necessary for a union to exist, unless the government sheds its role in employee protection which is not likely at this stage of the game.

    Bottom line is if you don’t like what the company does offer, you have the freedom to quit and move on.

  9. excellent, excellent post fairlane. the lease on my trusty subaru imprezza is up in 2009, and i’ve decided (thanks, partly, to your ringing endorsement of the civic … and other factors as well) to get myself a groovy new civic. and i’m VERY excited about that. (i personally, happen to be excited about cars in general these days, not having had a car since 1984, i finally got one in 2006 when i moved northward.)

    anyway, from the snippets of the hearings i saw yesterday, those auto guys are really, really loathsome. and you’re right about iacocca and his $1/year salary. that was the right thing to do, at least it gave the APPEARANCE of a guy committed to making things right. the end result, well, not so much.

    but let’s see what happens.

    and yeah, as DED mentioned above, they all arrived in washington in their private jets. when they were asked if they would consider flying back commercial, not one raised their hand — silence all around. what total losers.

    all these “titans” of industry and wall street are all showing themselves to be so massively out of touch with the average american: we’re seeing the emperors without their clothes. and, by the way, not an empress among the bunch, for whatever that’s worth. and it’s damn UGLY. all of it.

  10. I’m glad they flew in on their private jets, because it’s comical to listen to Murka’s hand-wringing before and after the inevitable bailout when nothing happens and the privateers don’t get their collective asses handed to them and the hand-wringers go back to watching teevee and overspending for the 237th Xmas in a row.

  11. Siditty- I hope you don’t think the Pinto is “Sexy.”

    I don’t think even God knows what happened to the Mustang.

    Kit- I agree.

    They’re already on the Endangered Species list.

    Ichabod- I agree with the majority of your comment, Except.

    It’s not that easy to simply “quit and move on.” Especially during a recession.

    Also, as we’re seeing, the Right wants to strip the majority of regulations placed on corporations. Many of those regulations protect people.

    I was recently debating a “Libertarian” who said “All” regulations should be removed, and that industry should be allowed to regulate itself.

    We’ve already seen what happens when that responsibility is left to the Corporate Class.

    As you mentioned, that’s how, and why unions came into existence.

    Anita- I’m biased, but I don’t think you can go wrong with a Honda. I’m on my fourth, and I have no intention of ever purchasing anything else.

    What about the douche bags from AIG spending 400 grand on a vacation the same week they were “Bailed Out?”

    There is absolutely Zero Balance in this country.

  12. Where was the Colt GT? Once again , you have nailed this issue. We need to remember to tell our kids : The Big Three did not die…they commited suicide.

  13. I try to be a big proponent of alternate transportation. Feet. Bicycles. Bus. Carpool. I try to buy the cheapest, most reliable used car I can and make it work as long as possible. The ‘idea’ of needing ‘new’ vehicles is as much responsible for the energy woes as anything else. Making less vehicles and making them last longer would save a ton of different resources…. and make too much sense.

  14. I was recently debating a “Libertarian” who said “All” regulations should be removed, and that industry should be allowed to regulate itself.

    And that’s why I label myself a “moderate” libertarian. I agree with you that industry is incapable of regulating itself (except electronics: see Underwriters Laboratory). While some industries are over-regulated, the sad fact is that without government intervention too many industries shit on people. I have a difficult time finding instances where companies, let alone whole industries, police themselves sufficiently that government oversight isn’t necessary. And understand that I’m trying to find those examples. It really seems to be a myth that the marketplace will solve ALL problems. There needs to be a referee and that’s the role of government. Unfortunately, the referee can be bought for the right price.

  15. Thanks Fairlane, that’s much improved.

    I kinda, sorta think that the Big 3 ought to go into bankruptcy – so the court can appoint someone to run the damn things. Maybe then we can get some decent cars – and not have any taxpayer money go into the rathole in the process.



  16. Ichabod:

    Actually, unions lost their strength in 1981, when Reagan fired the Air Controllers for daring to strike. Unions have been losing both in strength and power since then.

    I’ve even heard the case that Unions have been going backwards since 1972, when McGovern’s alliance took the Democratic party from the City machines and Unions. Think of it: From Chicago and Detroit to Boston and San Francisco. Makes sense to me.

    But I can tell you that unions didn’t lose their power by getting protections for the rest of the workers. There’s been a class war going on for nearly thirty years, and the Corporatist/Libertarian/Neocon/Monied have been winning. The loss of the Big Three will be yet another notch on their belt on this war (And rest assured you Big 3 critics, you’ll get your wish…the Big 3 will go belly-up, Michigan will become an economic wasteland. Don’t be surprised if it happens before Obama takes office; I won’t).

    BTW…I’ve had four used American cars. I’ve had no real problems from them (nothing that can’t be explained from sheer age, anyway).

  17. Thanks for the stroll down memory nightmare lane. Man, some of those cars are awful. But there was nothing like the Olds Delta 88. Big car. Great backseat. Great front seat for that matter. But your point is made. The auto industry management made this mess, and they should not be given an easy out. Anyway, many foreign car makers manufacture their cars here in the US.

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