Chimpy’s done wrote a book!

Decision Points, by Chimpy McStagger, will be published on November 9, 2010, by Crown Publishers …

Centered on the fourteen most critical and historic decisions (“Ah counted them mahself using all mah fingers and toes.”) in the life and public service of the 43rd President of the United States. (“Ah wanna use mah favrite blue crayon t’day. It seemed like a blue crayon kinda day.”)

Since leaving the Oval Office, Chimpy has given virtually no interviews or public speeches about his presidency. (Who would listen? Even Chimpy is not that stupid. Well, actually he is that stupid. Never mind.) Instead, he has spent almost every day writing Decision Points (“How Ah Spent Mah Summer Vakayshun, bah Chimpy McStagger”)

  • Chimpy brings readers inside the Texas Governor’s Mansion on the night of the hotly contested 2000 election (“Ah had nachoes ‘n’ Wild Turkey t’ go with ma felony.”);
  • aboard Air Force One on 9/11 in the gripping hours after America’s most devastating attack since Pearl Harbor (“Teletubbies was pre-empted. This will not stand!”);
  • inside the Situation Room in the moments before launching the war in Iraq (“Ol’ Turdblossom and Blam-Blam wouldn’t play Leggo with me, so Ah knowed somefing was up!”);
  • and behind the Oval Office desk (Y’all ain’ seen nuthin’ till y’all seen what a mess Ah made back there!’)

The former President offers:

  • details about his decision to quit drinking (“We was outta booze that day, that horrible day…”),
  • his discovery of faith (“Ah have faith that we will never be outta booze agin!”) …

Decision Points will carry a suggested retail price of $35 (wait a week or two and you can find it remaindered everywhere.) A cloth-bound, signed (“Ah will put mah X on it mahself, Ah swear to Jeebus!”), and numbered limited edition of 1,000 copies, priced at $350, is also planned. At publication, the former President will embark on a national book tour. (“Ah wanted t’ start at Six Flags, but then Pickles reminded me of whut happened the last time Ah went on the Tilt-a-Whirl.”)

News Release

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~ by tengrain on April 26, 2010.

4 Responses to “Chimpy’s done wrote a book!”

  1. Ya know…. it might be an interesting read….. but I’ll wait to get a copy at a rummage sale for fifty cents (over priced even then) and need kindling for the campfire.

  2. I’d almost be tempted to read a book by Bush that someone else ghostwrote… almost. Then sanity hits.

  3. I hope there are heaps of this “book” on the remainder table. Oh, the chimp will still get his paycheck, but I want the publisher to bleed. Just because.

  4. okjimm beat me to it with the kindling reference.
    You ever wonder why Amazon decided to call that thing a Kindle?

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