Serenity Now…Euthanasia Later

Alright, give me a second to collect my thoughts.

I have to make sure I’m understanding what I just witnessed.

Let me see…

Okay. I’m ready.

So, I’m paying a visit to my friend Tengrain’s house, and as I’m perusing his newest wares, I stumble across this (I’m paraphrasing)-

Provision in Obama’s Health Care Plan Mandates that Old Geezers are TO BE PUT TO DEATH!

What?!?!?!?

I read it again.

Obama’s Health Care Plan Means Lights Out for the Elderly

Huh?

Now, you have to understand, kindly reader, my mind was already frazzled, as I had just returned from the Depths of Wingnuttia, where I’d run into a Gaggle of Birthers hell bent on being polite, and considerate whilst engaged in Sheer Lunacy.

I know, I know. It’s not like it’s such a big deal. I mean, I don’t think he was born in Africa. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s American, but what will it hurt for him to appear on television in the nude so we can see if he has tribal tattoos or bones through his nipples? It’s not like we’re asking for much. After all, the American people have always been interested in the pasts of our Presidents. It’s how we get to know them. Heck, he should be flattered so many people want to see him naked.

You’re so right, and if he was a citizen of Indonesia, don’t we have a right to know when, and if he renounced his citizenship?  I’m not asking for myself, Lordy no. I’m almost fairly certain, kind of, that he was born in Hawaii, and I’m fine with that. I just don’t want him to run into any snags while he’s traveling to other nations. Can you imagine the embarrassment for him if he were to visit, oh, I don’t know, Israel, and it turns out he was born in Iran and that his real name is The Holocaust Never Happened Hussein Bin Laden?

Do you see? I was already in a Fragile state, and then-

Obama Plans on Killing Your Grandmother, Cooking Her Up, and Serving Her Smothered in Red-eye Gravy!!! Oh, and Biscuits, Too!!!

Friends, has this ever happened to you-

This is it. It cannot possibly get any More Dumbass than this. It’s simply not possible. Please, tell me it’s not possible. Please, God! There’s just no Fucking Way. No living, breathing organism could survive with that kind of handicap. Such Stupidity would collapse under its own weight. The laws of Physics will not allow it. That level of Moron would fall in on itself. Please, Jesus.  If you can just send me a sign, I promise I’ll stop wearing the shoe mirrors when I’m at the Mall. OKAY! I’ll stop wearing them everywhere. I swear, but I need a sign. How ’bout, if  I shoot this paper ball into the garbage can on my first try, that means everything is going to be fine? Okay? Alright…Oh, Mother FUCKER!!!! Why did I shoot left handed? Why? Why?!? WHY?!!!

Two out of three…

?

Look, I’m a reasonable chap. I understand we have to make certain sacrafices to live in such a Wonderful Country.

That’s why I hardly ever bitch about the Classical Radio Station playing the same shit over, and over, and over, and over again. After all, who doesn’t love hearing Mozart’s “Marcia Turca” fifteen Fucking times a day?

I know I do.

But this is Beyond the Pale.

Obama Hates Pea Green Carpet So Much He’s Decided to Rub Out Every Senior Citizen in America.

That doesn’t even make sense. Didn’t Obama just give GM a Bluzillion dollars to Bail their Inept Ass Out?

And isn’t one of the Subsidiaries of GM a little car maker called Buick?

Then wh…?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Don’t make no Damn Sense.

I’m not going to lie to you.

Old people are really Annonying. I mean Really Annoying.

They drive too slow.

They eat bland food.

They smell weird.

They usually have giant ears and noises with hair growing out of both.

They use up all the Social Security Money.

They’re always walking some ancient ass dog that looks like the lone survivor of Custer’s Last Stand.

They always start shit with the cashier at the grocery over $0.03- Wuh, wuh, it said a $1.82 and you just charged me $1.85.  I fought in WWII ya know? If it wasn’t fer me, you’d be speaking German.

And-

They smell weird.

But that’s not reason enough to throw them on some Mesquite and serve them at a Beach Party.

It almost is, but let’s not be absurd.

America loves Old Ass People.

Right?

Look at all the great restaraunts we built just for them-

Shoney’s

Golden Corral

Sizzler

Blue Boar

Old Country Buffet

Cracker Barrel

(Pretty much any place with a buffet, and food that tastes like water)

That’s awesome if you ask me. Hardly a sign that we younger, healthier, less creepy people are planning to make more room for our stuff by dropping a couple Neutron Bombs on Florida.

And once they get really old, we send them to “Retirement Homes” where they get to combine many of their favorite activities such as-

Eating bland food

Bitching, whining, moaning, and yelling

Bingo

Pissing their pants

Wearing robes that hang wide open so any innocent children who happen to walk by are scarred for life

Sleeping in chairs drooling on themselves while Wheel of Fortune blares in the background

Calling people they don’t know “David”

However, despite all the evidence I’ve presented to you, the Wingnuts insist  Obama (And by extension all Democrats) Hates the Geriatric, and is plotting to Wipe Them from the Face of the Earth.

I mean really.

Couldn’t he think of a less expensive way?

Is it really necessary to go through all this rigamarole to get Health Care Legislation passed just to clear the beaches along the south eastern coast?

Shit, why not round up a few hundred illegals, arm them with hammers, rent a couple of Ryder vans,  and point them southward?

Hell, after they finish the deed, we can deport them saving millions that would otherwise be spent putting them up at Jeb Bush’s House.

I’ve run out of adjectives to describe the Vast Idiotic Wasteland that is the Modern Day GOP.

All I can say is-

Come on America, they’re Fucking Loons.

Enough is Enough.

~ by fairlane on July 30, 2009.