Bring on the Unshaven Women

Sigur Rós – Ágætis Byrjun

I liked it better when I could Fuck you, and send you on your way

But now you

Insist

On nesting beneath the shelves

Like some Sparrow Mother

Unable to see the Wolf looming in the

Bush

I am not your

Friend, and

We do not have a Future

Who the Fuck do you think I

Am

Errol Flynn?

Forget that Romantic Hero Shit

I’m a Villain

Straight Up

I don’t care about your Pending Eggs

Or

Your Dream Home Fantasies

Save it for your Therapist

What’s her name again,

Vanity?

I wrote that when I was 22.

At the height of my Piggishness, I was Simultaneously dating a Married Woman, my ex-Girlfriend’s Best Friend, and the ex of the Bass Player in one of my friend’s Bands.

I won’t lie. It was Fucking Sweet, and I loved every Single Minute.

“So, what’s it like having a Harem?”

“What the Fuck you think it’s like?

Sweet.”

I guess I’m supposed to apologize for being a Pig, but I won’t, because I’m not sorry.

I was young, and I did what I wanted, or at least what i thought I wanted.

I won’t even justify my actions by saying the Married Woman was in the process of leaving her husband before she ever met me, and that my presence gave her the Final Push.

It didn’t have to be me.

And what about my Ex’s Best Friend?

Her friend was Fucking Hot, and I’d always wanted to “Date” her, and when I got the chance, we Dated like Crazy.

To this day, as far as I know, she (My Ex) is unaware.

The Married Girl was the only one I truly Cared about, and I imagine if she had not been Married…

But anyone in “The Know,” knows Affairs simply don’t Work.

After all, this isn’t Television, and I’m not Corbin Bernsen.

She called me about a year and a half ago (After Ten Years) to tell me she still Thinks About Me, and that she’s never Loved Anyone the way She Did Me.

To say the least, it was Strange.

Unfortunately, the Ballerina, and I had just broken up, and I wasn’t able to return the Sentiment.

The strangest thing was, She Got Mad.

She couldn’t believe I’d met someone (After Ten Years) whom I Loved More Than Her.

How could I be such a Bastard?

It’s Funny, all the Faux Outrage in this World.

“How could this Happen? How could you do this to Me?”

Why, I bet someone reading this is thinking,

“How could you Objectify Women in such a Way? You are a Bastard!”

Eh, Fuck You too.

As Frank White said,

“I never got away with anything, and I never killed anybody that didn’t deserve it.”

During my custody battle with Bella’s Mother, she told me, in an Attempt to cut me down to size,

“You’re getting old, you’re going bald, and your days of Dating 20 year olds are over.”

“Oh yeah? Well, you’re a Fucking Cunt. I can always get a Hairpiece. All the fake hair in the World can’t cover that Void you call a Personality.”

(She singlehandedly destroys the Myth that Women are the “Nurturers.”)

But she was/is right-

My days of Matching the Names with the “Faces,” are Over.

“Erika? No? Wait, can you turn a little more to the Left? Ah, now I remember. Jane!”

But it’s not because I “Can’t.” (I Fucking Hate being told I “Can’t.”)

I choose not to because, I don’t Want too.

I’m almost 40 years old, I have a daughter, and a Real Life (Kind of), why the Fuck would I be interested in Dating a 20 year old?

Sex?

Please.

It’s exhausting enough raising Bella, I don’t have the Energy for any Side Projects.

You see-

an Old Dog can Learn New Tricks (No Pun Intended?)

I’ve noticed, as of late, there’s a lot of talk about “Feminism” on the Intertubes, or at least what’s called Feminism.

Now, don’t get me wrong, just because I’m a Pig doesn’t mean I look down on Women or view them as Inferiors.

In fact, I’d say my Fascination with Women is, in part, due to my Belief that if anyone can save Us (The Human Race), more than likely She’s a She.

But, unfortunately, we live in a Culture that goes out of its way to strip Us of anything Remotely Resembling Humanity, and instead we’re left with these Shells that serve as nothing more than Echo Chambers for our Various Rages.

“Men are Pigs!”

Go Ahead, Shout it from the Highest Mountain.

Are we Even now?

Will it make you feel better if, I agree?

We are Pigs, but, you know what?

We’re all Pigs-

I often wonder what the Numerous “Movements” in this Country are really trying to Accomplish.

Take, since we’re on the Subject, the “Feminist Movement.”

What exactly do So-called “Feminists” want?

For our Corporate Culture to Cease Objectifying Women?

Equal Pay?

The Opportunity to Fuck anything that Moves without Judgment?

(Hear, Hear!)

What?

Seriously, What?

Do they Wish to be like Men?

Isn’t that, Ultimately, what we’re talking about?

“I want the same Power men Have!”

Whenever we talk about “Equality” in America, invariably it Comes Down to Money/Power.

Everyone wants a Piece of the Mythological Pie.

As a Man, I’m more than willing to share a Slice of My Personal Shangri-La.

But you better have your Check Books handy because they Repossessed my Life of Living “Comfort Eagle” before I even had a Chance to Enjoy It.

Yep, Shangri-La is in Foreclosure.

What if there is no Punch Line?

What if the “Cosmic Joke” is-

There is No Joke?

How Fucking Cliché-

I read on a “Progressive” Blog today that “White Heterosexual Men” are responsible for the Majority of the Ills in the World.

While an argument, a very narrow argument, could be made to support such a claim, there’s one Hitch.

I’m a “White Heterosexual Male,” as are many people who read Jonestown, as well as the Blog calling out “White Heterosexual Men.”

What about Us?

Are we excluded from this Sweeping Generalization or are we Guilty because, we too, have a Dick that happens to be “Whitish” in Color?

The thing that Strikes me as Funny about all this is, the Reaction from “White Heterosexual Men.”

They Buy this Garbage because, Apparently, they seem to Believe acting like a Compliant Weenie is a Sign that they’re a “Nice Guy.”

Fuck That.

I’ve read Numerous Comments from “Progressive” Males attempting to Appease the “Fairer Sex,” by Acknowledging-

“You’re right, we are Pieces of Shit, and on Behalf of All Men, I Humbly Apologize, and Offer Myself in Sacrifice.”

In my Experience, Women are turned off by Pronating Men, which serves as a Fine Example of the Catch-22 of Being Male.

On one hand We are Vilified for being “Aggressive, Dominating, Oppressive, etc,” and on the other, We’re Marginalized for being “Too Nice” because it implies We’re “Weak.”

Damned if We Do, Damned if We Don’t-

I’m not going to argue about the Horrors the “White Male” has Inflicted on the World.

What’s the Point?

What I will Argue is, that in the End, it’s not a “White Male Problem,” as much as it a “Human Problem.”

As I said, all these Movements in America-

What is it they Really Want?

Let’s say “Feminists” got their way, what then?

Would Women (Specifically “White Women,” since the “Feminist Movement” is almost Exclusively WHITE. Oh, and Middle/Upper Class. Is that you Irony?), take on the Role of the Dreaded “White Man?”

Of course not, Women are Innately “Kinder, Gentler, More Nurturing” than Men.

Isn’t it Funny?

Stereotypes are WRONG, unless, there’s some Positive Connotation to the Stereotype.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve met Numerous Women (Bella’s Mother comes to Mind) who are anything but Kind, Gentle or Nurturing.

I’ve been Completely Dogged by Women on several occasions, as have all of my Male Friends.

The Ballerina once told me-

“You listen to me like you Actually Give a Shit about what I have to say.”

“I Love You. Isn’t that what I’m Supposed to Do?”

To show Her Appreciation, she Broke Up with Me, and about a year later started dating a Guy, who in Her Words,

“Has a well deserved reputation for being an Utter Pig.”

Well, fairlane, you said, at one time, your were a Pig-

Yes, but I was 23, not 37.

Are you saying you have no Skeletons? You were birthed from Pure Orthodoxy?

How many Women reading this Post (If you’re still here) have used someone else in your life?

All of You.

Is it somehow different because you’re not a “White Male,” and are Merely a Victim of the “White Man’s” Oppressive Culture that Distorted your Little Mind?

Sure you are, but so is the “White Man.”

We’re all Fucked Up, we’ve all been Used, Lied To, Manipulated.

All of us have been Force Fed Distorted Images of Reality since the day we were Born, and it’s Damaged All of Us.

In a recent conversation on another blog, I was told (By someone I respect) that the Countless Women who not only Support this Criminal Administration, but Actively Participate in it, are Ultimately not Responsible because, in Essence, They’re Victims, and don’t Really Know What They’re Doing-

Isn’t that Presumptuous?

1. Right Wing Women cannot Think for Themselves-
2. Women who are Right Wing are Anomalies-
3. Women are Incapable of Being Hateful, Greedy, Selfish, Remorseless, Unless, Hypnotized by the White Svengali-
4. Any “Real Women” would support Animal Rights, Environmental Regulations, Multi-Cultural Equality, and All Around Lovedness for every Single One of God’s Precious Creatures
5. Women are innately “Liberal”- Kind, Loving, Generous, Open Minded, Accepting, etc (Again, Positive Stereotypes are Applicable)

Bullshit.

Anne Coulter may be Ignorant as Fucking Broomhandle, but she’s not Stupid. She knows Exactly What She’s Doing-

Getting Rich!

And what about Old Whitey Hisself?

I mean, He lives here Too-

Was he Hypnotized?

As a person schooled in Sociology, I’d say, Yes, without a Fucking Doubt.

My poem at the beginning of this post was, Angry-

But I wasn’t Angry with the Women in my Life, or the Women yet to be in my Life.

I was Angry because, like many People I imagine, I had no Fucking Idea what I was doing, and more importantly, Why I Was Doing It.

So, I Rationalized, Justified, Blamed-

And this is the same Behavior I see in many of these “Movements.”

Blame, Rationalize, Justify-

That’s not to say Women/Minorities are not Hurt, Used, Oppressed in this Country, and throughout the World.

Only a Fucking Asshole like No Slappz makes such Assertions.

It’s Wrong, and it Galls Me to know (I do have a Daughter) to see Women being Objectified, and Treated like Chattel.

But Women, Blacks, Mexicans, etc are not the Only Ones-

WE ARE ALL CHATTEL

And by “WE,” I mean even WHITEY-

You think Chimpy, and Pickles are Happy?

Look at them-

He’s one of the Most Despised Men in the World (Possibly Ever)

And what about Pickles?

Can you say-

She looks like she Left this Reality Long Ago.

And

Poor Chimpy has nothing other than his Fragile Ego on which to Rely.

Remember, this is who Raised Him-

A Woman said that.

Imagine Little Chimpy running home to Mommy after crashing his bike-

“Chimpy, I don’t have time to worry my Beautiful Mind with your Boo Boos, and Ouchies. Buck Up, you Little Pussy.”

Chimpy was Created.

Sucks doesn’t it?

It Sucks to Look at Someone We Despise, and Realize that, just like Us, He’s-

Human

When he was a Child, who Comforted Him,

That Cold Bitch?

His Absent/Detached Father?

If you want to create a Sociopath, there’s No Need to Lay a Single Finger on Them;

Enable Them, Excuse Them, Ignore Them

Chimpy has never been Accountable for Anything in His Entire Life-

Mommy, and Daddy have Bailed His Ass Out Time, and Time Again-

Maybe it’s because, Deep Down, they do Love the Little Fucker, but I Doubt that’s the Main Motivation.

Chimpy’s Incessant Failures are Embarrassing.

He’s a “Bush,” and the Bush’s are “Winners.”

But Chimpy isn’t a Winner, he’s a Douchbag Frat Boy with the Intellectual Curiosity of a Paper Clip.

But who’s Fault it that?

Is Chimpy Innately Stupid, or was He Encouraged to be Incurious?

Let’s be Honest, if Chimpy ever started asking Questions, he might have a Few for Babs the Impaler, and we can’t have that-

After all, she has to Protect Her “Beautiful Mind.”

What I’m getting at is, this-

We’re all in this Together, and We All Suffer.

Even Chimpy, and Pickles.

Hell, Even Babs.

Men are given Distorted Messages as well.

Throughout our lives we are told Directly and/or Indirectly that we are to-

Always Be in Control

Always Have the Answer

Never Be Afraid

Hold Back Our Emotions (Don’t want people thinking you’re a “Fag”)

Be “Assertive” (But really they mean Aggressive)

Forever Pursue because Women like/desire/need to be Pursued

Succeed at all Costs or No Woman will want us, at least not one worth Having

If Women are Rewarded for their Tit Size, Men are Rewarded for Being Emotionless Bastards.

Vulnerability can get a Man Killed,

Literally.

But do you think the Average Man wants it that way?

We are Taught, just as Women are, that this is the way things are “Supposed to Be.”

Not because we live in one of the Most Dysfunctional Societies in Human History, but because it’s

“Natural.”

Sure, there are some truths in that Statement.

Men are, in General, larger, and more Muscular than Women, so, if it comes down to Brass Tacks

“You have the Big Biceps, you get out there, and Lift that Tree Branch.”

Or

“You go to War.”

Obviously, that doesn’t mean Women are incapable of doing those things, but all things being Equal, it makes Sense for Men to do it, if they’re Able.

Just as Women carry our Children, and that, One Would Think, Creates a Bond that Men don’t Have.

But, that doesn’t mean Men cannot Love their Children as much, or even More, than Women, and it doesn’t mean All Women bond with their Children.

Look, I’ll be the First to Admit-

I Love looking at Women.

I Love their Curves, Their Faces, the Shape of Their Eyes.

I Fucking Love Women.

I was Raised by Women.

But that doesn’t mean I think they’re nothing more than Pussies with Legs.

We’re (Men) Visual.

That, in part, is Evolution. We are Animals, and Animals procreate or they DIE.

Attractiveness, whatever that means to an Individual, is Important.

It implies “Good Genes.”

All Animals rely on Physical Attributes to some Degree when it comes to Choosing a Mate.

Have we Taken it Too Far.

Fuck Yes We Have.

But I promise, Women can be just as bad.

If I go to the Mall Unshaven, in my torn jeans, dirty Ass Yankees Hat, and my Twelve Year Old Vans, do you think the Average Women is going to Say/Think-

“Look at that Dreamboat. I bet he’s a Talented Writer/Artist, and I bet he’s a Great Father?”

Fuck No.

She’s going to Think/Say-

“Look at that Dirty, Broken Down Mother Fucker. Who in the Fuck would date Him? He probably doesn’t even have a Car, and if he does, he probably lives in the Damn Thing.”

So, I’ll ask again-

What is it “The Movement” People want?

A Chance to be like “Them?”

You want to be a Man?

You think We “Have it Made?”

We get the “Good Jobs,” and all the “Perks,” and we’re the ones Rewarded for our Hard Work, and Talents.

I’ll introduce you to some of the most Talented People you ever met who live, every day, at the Edge of Oblivion, and no Gives Two Shits whether they Have a Penis or Not.

You want the “Power?”

Should it be your Boot Stamping on Another’s Face because you’re “Righteous,” and Know who Really Deserves It?

Or is it more Base than that-

Is it that You/Me/We Believe if the World would Simply Go Along with What We Want, we’d Finally Be Happy?

Because, as I’ve said before-

Anyone who believes they Can Save the World is,

A Goddamned Fool.

If we all Focused on Saving Ourselves, in the end, We’d Save One Another.

I apologize to all the Linear Thinkers out there.

~ by fairlane on April 19, 2008.